Young Writers Society

Sooooooo, I'm not really sure what this is supposed to be. It's like two sentences. So I'll give some different opinions, based on different angles.

"She was wondering how awful does it feel to be dead" not very good word choice and grammar here. It would be better to say "She was wondering how awful it felt to be dead."

Then you go on to say "She was dead years ago, but her twin lived long enough to cherish as a ghost.

First of all, is this the same she as the her who was in the portrait and the she who was wondering how it felt to be dead? If so, and she's dead, than is she a ghost? Maybe explain that.

Is her twin cherishing her as a ghost?

Is it the portrait who is the she the whole time? I think maybe you should just try and add a little more and explain it further before you post. It is a bit confusing as to what it is and who it is talking about.

Hey there Royani. Welcome to YWS! It's just lizzy dropping by, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

1. I do not doubt your reasons, whatever they are, but until you write a little more to your story you may want to keep it under wraps. For the title you may want to have an uppercase P just for a more professional look. This is just a preference of mine and is completely a stylistic choice on your part. I always try to slip a line on grammar and spelling in, so here is what I have to say.

She was dead years ago, but her twin lived long enough to cherish as ghost.