Skin
Skin is a wonderfully diverse thing.
It can be red or pink or brown or yellow.
It can range from smooth and soft to scaly and rough.
And it protects all sorts of things.
Apples, Bananas, Humans and animals.
And when you peel it,
It reveals all the goodness that’s inside;
All that yummy deliciousness that takes some time to find.
So when you see someone or something and feel repulsed,
Remember, you’re only seeing skin deep
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139,498 Literary Works • 672,588 Reviews
Hi, Rose!
I think this has the potential to be a great light-hearted poem, but I think you should make it rhyme more! I liked that there was a trace of rhyme toward the end ("inside-find") but I wanted more -- I've always felt like humourous poetry should rhyme. I'd also like to see some unexpected/clever/interesting remarks, since a lot of the time it felt like you were basically just stating the obvious, like with the skin colour thing.
I agree with the other reviewers about the peeling bit. I'm quite sure you were aiming for a metaphor, but it just comes across as morbid. It made me think about skin that's so dry it starts to flake off -- not the loveliest image, I dare say, and probably not something you were reaching for with this poem.
However, I think this was a nice and refreshing way to approach the whole familiar "looks aren't everything" thing.
Demeter
x
i like the message you were trying to convey,but it was alittle....i agree with boolovesyou.
Hello there.
This is a perfectly simple enjoyable poem and also has a good message in it but that one thing that bothered everyone else, that bothered me too.
This is gross. The first thing that came to my mind was the move Saw. It is terribly gross do not watch it. You can remove the humans and animals part from the poem and just keep the fruits and vegetables part. XD
Keep writing.
Hehe, what a nice poem! I don't think I've read a poem about skin before!
At first, it seemed a total nonsesne, but the ending sum it up very well:
Except for the dot that you've forgotten to write at the end, no other mistake there to point out.
Hi Rose. Lavvi in to review.
Ha, this is a cute poem and it also has a good meaning. A good beat to it as well.
The thing that really bothered me was that when you described peeling the skin and finding something wonderful underneath, I was slightly grossed out. Maybe I'm supposed to do the exact opposite of that, but sure, fruit and veggies are fine peeled, but think of a person. All gory and....eeeyuch. I'm not going to say any more. But do you get what I'm trying to say? If not, drop me a line.
It was a sweet poem though. Enough of that deep, emotional stuff people like nowadays, let's be light! I like it!
Lavvi
I liked it, but it felt like a child's book. Its needs more meat to be a poem.
Good message, but there's one thing about this poem that struck me as a little funny and a little weird:
I mean, obviously you're using a metaphor here, and exchanging the human skins ultimately talked about for the fruit skins talked about in the previous line...but...well, I guess just because you're talking about skins IN GENERAL, including human skins, when you get to the peeling it part...it makes me think of peeling human skins, which would make me think "Cannibal? Jame Buffalo Bill Gumb?" (I couldn't help thinking the latter, I observed a forensics class a few weeks ago and we watched approximately five versions of the lotion scene from "Silence of the Lambs.")
I mean, like I said, I know what you INTENDED by this, so maybe it's just my own bizarreness causing the above thought, but... It might be a better idea to use the fruit metaphor through the whole poem - like, make the poem itself an extended metaphor. Then at the end you could still use the last line, and tweak the penultimate line to fit fruit a little more - and then this would be when we see that you're not talking about fruit, REALLY, even though it seems like you are.
Hmm.
I hope that all made sense.
PM me if you have questions!
~Blue