Spinning spinning never stopping
Blood is dropping
Lightning flashing
Steel flashing
My mind is flipping
Blood is dripping
The wind howls through the land
I feel a cold hand
Others all lying dead
On this cold rock bed
The rain pours but still
Not enough to erase the blood of many a kill
Wolves have taken many more
But still the blood pours
blood flowing skin burning
Head turning
What's going on
Where's the dawn
Losing my hold
All is cold
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138,700 Literary Works • 672,249 Reviews
How beautiful! You work is really praiseworthy! The way you've written this poem and reflected the grief that one feels on seeing such casualties and violence is wonderful and very true indeed. I really like the way in which rhyming scheme has been used here.
What I found really unique about this poem was it's theme. Everything in this poem represents the maturity of the mind of the writer. So it was very good.
How beautiful! You work is really praiseworthy! The way you've written this poem and reflected the grief that one feels on seeing such casualties and violence is wonderful and very true indeed. I really like the way in which rhyming scheme has been used here.
Hello there!
I like the formatting: a shape of a sword or perhaps a dagger as well as the rhyme scheme. However, they seem to compromise essential parts of writing a poem (formatting - amount of words you could put per line and its weight; rhyme scheme - the overall message of the poem).
I like that this poem also felt like slices of thoughts from someone who's too confused about what's happening, especially because it is from the point of view of a soldier and wars are catastrophic.
There's this good amount of imagery but it isn't enough to evoke emotions. I also felt like there's a lot of forced lines such as,
ˆ Especially because you've already described the dropping of blood in the second line.
ˆThis contradicts the weather (raining) and your last line "All is cold"
In the quote above, I think the use of "but" is inappropriate because if wolves have taken many more then it inevitably ensues spilt blood. The lines do not contrast each other in any way.
Overall, your poem has a lot of potential. You should just work on the emotions it could elicit. Also on the idea that he's losing his hold: besides the clutter of thoughts, it would be nice if you describe the narrator's state. Was he willing to die? Give up? Anyway, keep on writing
Best regards,
Kattee x
Your poem is amazing, i like the rhyming and the the theme of the poem. It pictures a scene of a battle exactly how it should be and it does not shy from reality. War is a very gruesome thing with many tragedies so it is fitting that you added people dying, and blood dripping. I with people world live peacefully instead but the chances are extremele small because many people thirst for power. It is like a drug for them, slowly poisoning their soul. I like the imaginary of the battle scenes with a cold rock bed, wolves, rain not enough to wash away the overflowing blood.
You ended the poem masterfully, making me wonder a little if the fighter war cold because of the rain or because he war înjurat, nume and about to collapse. Or maybe i just have an overreactive imagination.
You brought out the gruesome reality of war, what war does to a soldier's mind. I like the perspective on the following lines, which tells that there's something greater than "abundance", that is, the loss to the parties involved in the war.
"The rain pours but still
Not enough to erase the blood of many a kill"
One suggestion is that the following lines could have been written together, separated by a comma as it disturbs the rhyming scheme:
"Lightning flashing
Steel flashing"
Enjoyed reading the poem. Keep writing!
Best wishes,
I
Hi RoseBogart!
I love your poem! It has a lot of really good imagery that lets the reader see this situation through your narrator's eyes. I also like how it shows how war affects someone mentally instead of just focusing on the visuals. It is a sad and depressing poem, but it is also beautiful because it portrays emotions and effectively communicates those feelings to the reader. I do have one suggestion though and that would be to add a comma after flowing in the phrase "blood flowing skin burning" so that it matches the pause that the reader should take. There are also other places in the poem that you could add punctuation like commas to show where you want the reader to pause to add to the effect of your poem, but it is a stylistic choice so you don't need to do that for it to be a great poem. So anyway, I really loved this poem and all of the emotion it gave so great job! I hope you keep writing more and more poetry and other types of literature and I look forward to reading your future works! Good luck!
Hey Rose! I'm Grav and I'll be reviewing your poem today! My methods of reviewing our unique(Not at all in a good way. Please watch out for insanity coming your way.)
The arrangement of lines makes the poem look like a dagger. I'm wondering if that was intentional, looking at the title them.
Okay, let's begin.
Yeah okay, you probably did or did not intend to do this, but the "Lightning flashing" literally described the rhythm and flow of the poem and that's just beautiful. It's just at lightning speed and reading that at the moment is like I don't even know. It's such a good feeling. Thanks for that!
Moving on, your poem was filled with imagery throughout and I think that for this one reason, the poem is more than just beautiful. Of course, there are other reasons that amplify the effect.
The rhyming was another aspect of the beauty in your poem. It just went and didn't seem forced at all. It was all just where it should have been. Really well placed. It's incredible.
Towards the end of the poem, it seems as if the poet is on the battlefield and he's slowly losing his life (This could mean he's going insane or he's literally dying). That's great either way - metaphorically or literally. It adds a flavour (Adds a kind of background to the scene, and a signature of your style.)
Well, that's pretty much it. I loved your poem, Rose.
KEEP WRITING!!!!
Yours sincerely,
Grav