Young Writers Society

Hello, this is Kman134, here to review your poem.

Now, i get what the message is; no one truly dies and that if you remember this person, then he will never be gone from your life. the similes and the symbolisms were well put together. the emotions, as well, were very strong.

"It’s just a word, anyway.

It’s what you’re meant to say,

It would just be pretending.

Maybe it would have been better, though

Than the universe of nothingness that wrapped around us

Seeping through every crack and winding infinitely tighter

As you slipped away."

Saying "Goodbye" may seem like a word, but it's a word that helps relieve the pain; some of this part seemed a bit nihilistic, calling it a "Universe of Nothingness". Some of this part was a little confusing, but still understandable. Also the metaphors were pretty good and deep, too.

Anyway, i loved this poem and wished to read another one like it.

That's a pretty dark poem, but good nonetheless. Your use of symbolism and your vocabulary bring your inner struggle to life effortlessly.
However, I think what makes this poem the most powerful is how your emotions contrast. You wish their eternal rest is sweet despite the fact that they've left, that their absence haunts you. Great work!

I really like how you put emotion into this. The line "Goodbye, dearest friend. I pray your eternal rest is sweet." is really powerful. Another line that I like is "But it’s been echoing in my chest, Ever since the day I never said it." is one of my favorites in this poem. You are full of imagery, I could see how you are feeling. I relate to this feeling somewhat, its good to see it in words.

Hey! Cailey here to review. It's been way too long since I've reviewed (it's always been too long since I've reviewed. Sigh) but I love poetry and have some free time.

I just wanted to say first of all that this was a beautiful happy surprise. I'll be totally honest I was a little bit wary about reading this since you mentioned that it was about death, and I just had a whole class about cliches and how some topics have been written about so much that it's just inevitable that they become cliche. But this was very much not cliche and I applaud that muchly.

I think my favorite part is those first two lines. Especially the second. It pulled me in so fast and it sounded beautiful. Your whole poem sounded so beautiful. I read it out loud and the line breaks were perfect. I'm a huge fan of poetry that sounds nice.

My biggest suggestion for you to work on as you continue with this is to define the relationship between the speaker and the person being spoken to/about. You have that one line "haunt every breath" which makes me think that this is a very negative relationship and maybe it's a good thing that the person is gone.
But then the end is like, wait no, not at all. So it just left me feeling really confused. Is this just a friend? What is the relationship? I'd really love if you could narrow that down and pull it throughout the poem.

Also I think the end is not nearly as strong as your beginning and middle. Try to go out with more of a punch.

Finally, that line "ever since the day I never said it" is pure gold. Whatever you do, make sure that line stays in your writing. I absolutely adore that line.

That's all. Keep writing! Cailey out.

Hey, I'm here to give you a quick review!

I wanted to say goodbye
But it wouldn’t fit around the infinite silence
Trapped between my teeth
And what’s the point, really?

And what’s the point, really?
You won’t be gone, really

It’s just a word, anyway
It’s what you’re meant to do
It would just be pretending.

And I thought, I suppose
That if I let it out
You might leave me, to

And I thought
if I let it out
you might leave me too

And I’ll stop tasting echoes of your shadow every time I reach for the sun.

And that is all! Keep up the good job!