z

Young Writers Society



Faceless

by KaiTheGreater


A/N: I realize this poem probably sounds entirely nonsensical, but it has a lot of meaning for me. I'm looking to see what impression it gives an outsider with no context. What do you imagine it's about? How does it make you feel?



I drown slowly and
gracelessly in an
ocean of
color.

These faces and
numbers do not
stop
flying and swirling
through the water.

I cannot find the
place above my
head where
the water breaks
and sky takes over.

The faces speak of
black and white and
shades of grey
but I am lost
in endless waves of
RedCeladonSilvernotyouPinkEmeraldAmbernotyounotyouBurgundyTeal
and i cannot breathe.

please
take
it
away
.

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Points: 3566
Reviews: 223

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Sun Oct 29, 2017 3:01 am
Mathy wrote a review...



Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek here for ANOTHER review for Review Day! It seems like all I've done for the past three hours if review... and you're right! This poem is amazing, and I can see how it could mean many different things, so I am willing to take a crack at deciphering it. Let's begin!

I really like the imagery in this poem, and my first thought with the color was that you had Synthesia, rare medical disorder where senses are swapped and heightened. For example, most people will see sound, but others can do anything from hearing burnt toast to feeling what something looks like... The sensory overload isn't so fun, though! Some people make a living painting songs and selling them off of their disorder, but it stunts normal growth and working abilities...

My second, more likely theory was that you are living in a world of diversity where you are constantly faced with new things, new numbers, new colors, and new things piled on to your life that you do not want to deal with. You are overwhelmed, and it is too much for you to take. You are drowning in your own life, unable to see what is normal and what you long for, as you are so distanced from 'boring'.

Great work! You really are a poet worth following...

-ZeldaIsShiek






Thanks for the review (and the follow)! I actually do have Synesthesia, and that contributes somewhat to my anxiety, which is what the poem is about. It's about trying to find my way in a normal world when I'm constantly overwhelmed by things I can't describe.



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Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:37 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa! So, let’s get started. :D
So, I did not notice ant grammar or spelling mistakes so that is excellent. Someone else might though!
Before I continue, I need to ask, is your username refrenecing the book Roseblood by A.G Howard? Just curious!
Any who, now is when I dissect you poem and see if can't get its meaning right! So, you poem is talking about social anxiety or anxiety in general, no? You are talking about how people are anxiety by society and the usual things that most have to deal with. You are also seeing so much passion and pressured and and while the rest of the world is seeing in only one color. You could also be referencing Synesthesia, a sickness, per say that allows the carrier to see sounds, music, etc.
Otherwise I have nothing more to say and I really like the poem! Happy Halloween! I really should go now, Grim has some dead to help and I ran out of hot cocoa for him.




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364 Reviews

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Wed Oct 18, 2017 10:10 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello RoseandThorn! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
I drown slowly and
gracelessly in an
ocean of
color.

These faces and
numbers do not
stop
flying and swirling
through the water.

I cannot find the
place above my
head where
the water breaks
and sky takes over.

The faces speak of
black and white and
shades of grey
but I am lost
in endless waves of
{redceladonsilvernotyoupinkemeraldambernotyounotyouburgundyteal}
and {I} cannot breathe.

please
take
it
away{.}


wOAH, this is deep pun intended. I'm assuming that this is about crowds and people or something? It's like, I know what this is about but I can't put it into words :P also, I loved this. Great job. Keep up the good work! :D

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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Radrook says...


First, thanks for sharing this very interesting poem. I like how its form reinforces the sensation of sinking straight down. The line where all the colors are stated interspersed with the %u201CNot you%u201D made me stop in an attempt to decipher it. In short, to me it reads better without that condensed line since it stops the flow. I understood the reference to %u201CNot you" as being directed at someone who does not see things the way you are seeing them in their full range of possibilities.

Suggested arrangement:

I drown slowly and
gracelessly in an
ocean of
color.

Faces and
numbers do not
stop
flying and swirling

I cannot find the
place above my
head where
the [surface] breaks
and sky takes over.

Mouths speak of
black and white and
shades of grey
but I am lost
in endless waves of
Red Celadon Silver
not you
Pink Emerald Amber
not you not you
BurgundyTeal
and i cannot breathe.
please
take
it all
away
.




“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451