A scaly lizard lies in the corner of my mind
Crawling, slithering, roaring its way through me.
Protection. Safety. Preservation.
Preservation.
It keeps me from falling.
Apart from my heart
It keeps me, safe and Protected.
It draws me into its fiery belly,
Where it is warm and comforting,
Like a stable wall it sets out
To keep awful thoughts,
Feelings, words at bay.
Safe.
Safety.
Is the diamond liquid it brings.
That cool, refreshing touch quenches
The fear in me.
Fear. The Terrible fear.
The fear parches me,
Dry as the desert sand.
Unable to move,
Yet whipped around in storms
That escape from His
Butterfly winged lips.
My safety compromised
Every time He walks by.
Yet I long for the moments
That bring our paths to cross.
I am a glutton for the rough,
Sandy feeling that wells inside of me,
The overflowing sands dancing
Through the lashing winds.
Safety.
Safety.
Keep me safe.
Roar your terrible roar,
Sharpen your iron clad claws.
Wrap yourself around my mind,
Fill my being with your warm scales.
Keep me away within your arms.
Keep me close to you.
Protect me.
Protection.
My scaly hedge,
Surround me with your fiery breath
Your hardened skin
Your sword-like teeth.
Keep me near you
Without breach,
So I will never love again.
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140,828 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Let me first start off by saying that I really like this poem. It has a really nice cadence to it with the repetition of the words "safe" and "protect". However, I had a difficult time enjoying the poem because I was trying to think of the type of scaly lizard that would roar and have sharp claws. I would really consider using the metaphor of a dragon here as a symbol of strength. The first two lines read
but I would change them to something to solidify the dragon's stance as a protector of your mind... maybe something to the extent of:A scaly dragon stands ready to fight in the corner of my mind
It lunges and stalks and soars through me.
Just a thought though! The verbs you used "crawl, slither, and roar" don't describe any specific animal. I thought perhaps you were referencing a type of mythical chimera? I'm not entirely sure. If you are, you should probably make that clear in the title to make it significant to the reader.
My favorite, favorite, FAVORITE lines are
There are just a couple ambiguous aspects of the poem that do not help the reader in understanding the meaning. Other than that, it's a great start.
Love the rhythm to this work, its putting you on edge but also making you feel very protected and safe. haven't been here much so this is my first review so yeaaaa...
The poem is actually good. I really like it
The feeling is so calm and the flow is so smooth. Although, I only have a little bit of suggestion. The repetition like "Safe. Safety." and "Safety. Safety."
)
You don't need to repeat these words twice. It's okay you say it once because, the range of the poem will ruin its flow. What I am talking about is the pausing, actually hehe. It's like how you listen to music. When you listen to a song, there is always a flow range on the melody. Same goes with the poem.
My tip for you is to read the poem out loud and try to test the range.
So the order is this:
"Feelings, words at bay.
Safe.
Safety. "
to this:
"Feelings, words at bay.
Safety."
"Keep me close to you.
Protect me.
Protection.
My scaly hedge,"
to this:
"Keep me close to you.
Protection."
(Because saying protect me and then protection is already a redundant. It make sense to me already
So I hope this helps! And never stop writing