Prologue
I clutched my hands to my heart and felt it beating fiercely inside my chest. As the strange figure loomed closer and closer to me part of me was telling to run, but another part of me was rooted where I stood. I started to feel strangely drawn to him. The closer he got the harder it was to for me to draw a breath; he was standing in front of me and whispering my name.
Miya give me your soul...
His voice was soft but firm and it mesmerized me even more.
"How do you know my name?" I managed to get out in a faint whisper.
"Give me your soul and I’ll give you all the answers you want," he whispered into my ear once more.
He took a step back and I could see his eyes, they were bright red and scary the sight of them made my blood turn cold; a scream escaped my lips and I turned to run. He was once again in front of me and fear filled me as he struck me and sent me to the ground. He raised his hand and it transformed into a claw like thing. He was going to strike again, I screamed raising my arms in front of my face. The sound of a gun filled my ears and I heard him scream in pain. I let my arms fall in time enough to see the figure fall to his knees dead. I let out a terrible scream as another figure walked slowly towards me. Before I blacked out I could have sworn I heard a familiar voice whisper my name.
"Ian,"
the name came out of my mouth softer then a whisper as unconsciousness took me.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
NOOO! Where is the rest of it? I know it's around here somewhere. I will find it. It's really good and not much catches and holds my interest, but your story did. Even though, it's just the prologue. I say that it is well written to the point where you leave room for the reader to actually ponder what is going on in the scene.
Hi, Roma! I said I would read one of your pieces, so I decided to take a look at this one and I'm glad I did!
This was fantastic. Really, honestly fantastic. I can't review this because it's too perfect, there's nothing to nitpick! I know you said you didn't continue this story, but you totally should (no pressure or anything… heehee). It's just that epic.
Anyway… great work!
Omg, like, awsome!
Cool. Though at times I feel the narrative and/or dialogue is too fast. Try to insert some commas.
Just and idea.
For example: He was once again in front of me... I was now terrified. He struck me, sending me to the ground. I was helpless, mesmerized yet afraid of death. He raised his hand again, and it morphed into a claw-like thing. He was going to strike again- I screamed and raised my arms in front of my face, desperately trying to ward off a blow I knew, in the depths of my heart, was going to be the last blow I would feel.
Also 'Miya give me your soul' lacks speech marks. Or is that done on purpose?
that was an accident