The moon cast it's face toward the sneering jaws of hunger. The bodies twitched and the eyes showed only determination. The electric sparks flew and looked as if they were small fire crackers going off in a long distance.
I didn't know what I had here, I didn't know what else there was to be said. I felt the sting of the night that had torn my left knee cap area of jeans. I saw black liquid because of the darkness. I wasn't bit and I wasn't scratched, I am sure of it.
They lunged. Like I were a buffet and they were paying customers. I wasn't scared anymore. These were no longer people. I had no personal connection to them. They were more like animals. Maybe with eye contact or standing your ground you might be able to ward off the beasts. I knew I couldn't do that with them. The inhuman like creatures that wanted nothing more than to tear off my skin, more than my worst enemy. They were rotting, undead, zombies...
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140,172 Literary Works • 673,034 Reviews
I like where you are going with this. It runs so smoothly and has potential to be so much more! I hope that you continue and make this into the best it can possibly be which is an epic horror story.
The way you write is so smooth, keeping pace and better yet keeping my attention through out. This is but a seedling to a larger piece I feel. You could do so much and I would read anything you wrote if you could keep the same flow going. So I encourage you greatly in maybe writing a bigger piece and keeping putting those great details and smooth pace going. Thank you for the fantastic read.
Thanks guys! I wasn't sure if I had anything here. Thank you for helping me and I shall carry on. I'll be posting and reviewing more.
Thanks again!
Wow! This is great for a short piece. I just have a couple of nit-picky things.
"I wasn't bit and I wasn't scratched, I am sure of it."
It seems weird that the last portion of that would change to 'am' instead of just saying "I was sure of it."
Also (and I may be wrong on this one) but in "The moon cast it's face..." would be "The moon cast its face..." Otherwise you're saying "The moon cast [it is] face"
But yeah, those are just nit-picky things. Other than that, I love the tone and the pace set by your word choices. Hmm, I wish this was longer so I could have more to love.
Very, very good writing. You kept the same pace ( or whatever you call it ) by using words that held the tone. It didn't seem like it was about zombies out first though; more like one of the most common genders of supernatural books, vampires. Of course, I don't see how Edward OR Jacob could fit into this short story.
You left a great hook at the end too. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!