I’ve been wounded by the thorns of a precious rose; and loved every moment I devoted to her presence. After all, what’s a rose without thorns?
My heart has roamed the depths of the uncertain, incessantly chasing for its final resting place; had I not found such an oasis of serenity amongst her mystifying eyes, I would have been incapable of writing with such love and sadness bestowed upon me.
I fell utterly in love with the remains of this rose that had already been torn from its roots by the hand of corruption. Unable to refrain myself from the temptation of caressing such a rose, I too would indeed suffer.
I could scarcely fathom as to why I possess the faith to see what no longer remains. In her eyes, I saw the truth behind the many lies. In her sway, I saw the the heart inflicted with torment.
Her gentle lips spoke of a time filled with a desire of pure innocence; to be loved and appreciated by the few who entered her garden. Unfortunately, each curse lingered around the garden disguised as a blessing; fooling her thorns into revealing such beauty in the face of the vile and wicked.
The residue is a fixed smile that no longer sparkles like starlight, and many sturdy thorns concealing what might or may never again be beautiful.
However, I imagine such a rose will in fact subdue; for I know the magnitude of the unseen strength she possess. With time, she will rise unyielding to the storms of the past.
As for me, well, I shall lay beside the damp ground awaiting her rebirth.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
First Impression: Well...this seems like a really interesting story here. On the surface a beautiful depiction of this cursed rose and a person waiting for it to be rebirthed but I do sense a hidden parallel here...and well...let's see the amount of overthinking I did down below...
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...very poetic start right there....well at least I'm definitely getting very strong poetry vibes from this one at any rate....xD...also a pretty sad looking start...I have a feeling this rose here is not referring to just an actual rose but to perhaps a lover or person of some sort, and then the thorns there...well..that's definitely an interesting detail...definitely a very intriguing start at any rate.
Oooh...torn from some roots of corruption...well the plot is definitely thickening at this point...this rose definitely sounds like a really interesting one...
Aha...well...my guess to the metaphor was right at least...and also wow..that's quite some stuff there you mention...seeing the truth behind a wall of lies and seeing a tormented heart there definitely showcasing quite a lot of stuff here...this person being able to see the true person behind what appears to be a terrible backstory for the rose here.
Hmm...that's definitely some very interesting traits there....curses disguised as blessings..a history of innocence...hmm...well all of this is definitely speaking of how someone appears to be terrible on the outside but at least was really good once upon a time. I feel like maybe these curses are referring to trying times the person had to suffer through or something like that.
Hmm...well that's a very interesting ending there...hmm...definitely seems like a pretty good ending there for this little metaphor here...talking about how the person has the strength to overcome it and out protagonist here will be around waiting for the person to regain their strength and come out looking like they once dead. Its a pretty nice message there at the end.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Well...this was quite interesting to read at any rate. Very uplifting ending there too...just a generally nice little story to read here. Well...at any rate that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
This was beautifully written, and I loved it. Loved how the character is "wounded" by the "precious rose" but still loved every minute of it.
My favorite part being, "Her gentle lips spoke of a time willed with a desire of pure innocence; to be loved and appreciated by the few who enter her garden. Unfortunately, each curse lingered around the garden disguised as a blessing; fooling her thorns into revealing such beauty in the face of the vile and wicked.", for some reason it speaks out to me the most.
Also, I loved the way you ended it with the character awaiting her rebirth. Very symbolic.
Hi!
So, there is a lot I like about this poem. Your style is simple and calm, but it draws me in. There's a lot of beauty here. You've fallen in love with this rose, this rose that has seen abuse and corruption, and you know it will hurt you to touch its thorns -- as you say:
"I’ve been wounded by the thorns of a precious rose; and loved every moment I devoted to her presence. After all, what’s a rose without thorns?"
You are content to love, though it brings pain, and wait for the moment when the beauty of the rose will be returned to her:
"However, I imagine such a rose will in fact subdue; for I know the magnitude of the unseen strength she possess. With time, she will rise unyielding to the storms of the past."
You are faithful and patient. You possess a rare quality: as of a gardener who, having stumbled upon a precious, one-of-a-kind flower that has been ravaged by hungry parasites, will tend and care and nurse the flower back to health. Give her all you can, and wait for her beauty to return to her.
I love it. Keep writing.
~WritingforHim99
Thanks, and I will. Also, I'd love to read some of your work; comment below your best piece so far. I'll be delighted to read it and give you feedback.
Thank you! Here is the one that I like the best: "Souls Not Born" (it's under the Creative Jottles folder)
This is kinda freaky. In an amazing way, actually.
In your description you wrote "Thoughts on unrequited love." And you titled your piece Rose. I literally wrote a short story called Unrequited where the main character's name is Rose and it opens with a description of a rose. It was crazy.
Oh, and my name is Rose. And I could relate to everything you wrote in this poem. I almost feel like I was meant to read it? Crazy right?
Anyway. You used a beautiful, old language. It's beautiful, but difficult to understand. I thought this "short story" was honestly more of a poem. I think you did an amazing job on this and once I figured out what you were trying to say, it was a beautiful message.
So I read this first part, and it reminded me of the guy I'm in love with. That's who I wrote my short story about. I love how you don't state your actual meaning but I have to figure it out. You have such a Shakespearian feel to your writing. It's really quite refreshing. I don't see any mistakes.
While continuing your amazing poem/story I feel... I feel like this is insane. You are writing about trying to find love and how you've searched and when you find the right girl, she's so broken. She's so broken and you know she's vulnerable and not completely whole and you know she will hurt you. But you let her anyway, and you do so calmly. This is my soul in words.
I've written so many poems to try to come to peace with the fact that I love someone who will never return those feelings even though I've let him hurt me and use me again and again because he's broken and I wanted him to be mine. I've cried and despaired over this since February but I could never arrange the words in a way that showed people how I was truly feeling. Yet you, a stranger who has never met me, managed to write this down in a title and description that matches a story I wrote and portray their soul and mine in this wonderful piece of literature... I just can't believe what I'm reading right now.
In order to make this a review, I have to tell you one thing you did wrong. In the second quoted paragraph you repeated "Garden". I, personally, didn't mind it but it can sometimes create an unwanted feel of repetition. In the first sentence, I'm just trying to decipher the meaning. It's almost like you're describing a person you loved who isn't there anymore. Like you don't understand how you could love this person despite how broken she was. Like you're trying to see a side of her that was taken away from these horrible people who corrupted her.
And then you tie this up beautifully.
This poem is a mixture of what I see in the guy I love, and what I wish he saw in me. I don't know this is just so surreal to me. Maybe it's the connection I feel with this poem, but I really wouldn't change a thing. It was grammatically correct and also correct in terms of punctuation. I could see someone arguing that your tone and the language you use makes your poem seem stiff and unemotional. But on the contrary, it made the words so much more fluid and it made me think about the meaning.
This is so perfect. If you write anything else, you have to tell me.
XOXO,
Gravity
Thanks, I appreciate and sympathize with you. I will be delighted to communicate with you. If you'd like me to read and analyze some of your works, I'd be glad to.
I like the beginning of your story really well, it makes me kind of smile because I can see were the main character/ narrator *depends on point of view* is coming from.
"...what's a rose without thorns?" As I was reading the first sentence, I had the impression that the 'rose' was a girl, so could I suggest that you add the word 'her' after 'without' or at least 'its'.
Reading the second piece of the passage, I got kind of confuse. It sounds kind of choppy. Maybe you could fix it up a bit.
Overall I thought that your story was cute. in some places it kind of sounded like it repeated but it was still cute. In my opinion I think that this can become a great prologue if you want to add to it and make it a novel. If you do, let me know cause I will love to see how this turns out.
Thanks, and I've actually thought of a novel with this piece as the prologue.
then do it! It would be something that I would want to read, and I will be waiting.