Im drowning and no one can see
Everyone is breathing next to me
I can see them stride forward
Never doubting their next step
While I have to convince myself
To move myself forward
I cant escape this crushing
Pulsing all consuming
Mind numbing heart breaking
Soul devouring dream killing
d e p r e s s i o n
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,795 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
I love it! It is sooo how I feel when I'm down. I will definitely keep checking at your poems
I will be backt to review this !
Much like what @JayeCShore said this poem is rather simple and a dime a dozen. However, poems are an outlet which many writers show their real raw feelings.
At first I was ready to pretty much rip this thing apart. Then I saw Jaye's review. It made me think. Should I? Here is a poet throwing themselves into a poem and here I come along ready to say how boring and over done this thing is. Made a bitter taste in my mouth.
Despite the fact that the poem itself was rather bland there were a few lines I found to be rather good.
I really like the sense of pure doubt you seemingly have. It's something which almost everyone goes through at one point in their lives.
Not much of a review here. So I am sorry for that.
Thank your for commenting, and thank you for the input. ^__^
-JM
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
First off, it's good that you put in the description that you wrote this to express what you are feeling. All too often I review something of this sort thinking the writer wants a hardcore, honest review about their work, when in reality they were doing what you've done, and I make them mad.
Speaking as someone who has suffered through this very thing, and who has friends who still are, I know some of your pain. You feel like no one cares, and even if they do, they aren't capable of understanding you, so any attempt just makes it worse. It's a hard position to be in.
Of course, this is a writing site, and I am writing a review on writing, so in order to stick to the 'prime directive' I'll give a really fast critique with no bells or whistles attached.
I'm pretty sure that everyone rights a poem similar to this at least once in their life, so for the reader it's nothing new, but to the writer it may be something very important, so I won't say anything further about the subject or content.
As far as the writing goes, I would say it's another poem with another message. Nothing spectacular, but nothing to really criticize. In the end, though, this is a small piece of you, so who can really say that it is bad or good? Especially when you haven't written it for that purpose. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Rockertink96!
Thank you for reviewing, I really appreciate your input. ^__^
-JM