Your rushing waters they run deep.
Your jumbled secrets they strive to keep.
Laying gnarled on the rocky shore,
Lost with the forlorn cries of your half open door.
Your scaly lovers swim to your light;
How can they breathe when all they see is night?
Casting them away with your vacant stares,
Where your eyes lead, I hope I’m there.
Maybe I’m at the place where your tide meets the sand.
How can I move on when all I want is your hand?
Your empty waters fall through my grasp.
This thriving love is never meant to last.
You swept me away to your dark ocean cave,
Lost while your light did finally radiate
I was there cheering you on as you reigned,
But when all things go up, all things must fall to shame.
Cold and lost to me you did run.
I took you to my light, fusing with the sun.
Your chilling waters came to know truth.
Warmth you did have and all I had was you.
Now you’re striving for something that’s not there,
Your soft shores eroded with hate’s bitter air.
And now you finally see that there’s nothing left to prove;
I’m caught in who you were, all I see is you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Thanks so much to both of you all! That means SO much to me!
Yes, I agree with Nightlyowl. It was amazing up to the fourth stanza where it seemed to be a bit off beat from the beginning of the poem with the "radiate" and the "cave". But I must agree that it was a very good piece. I certainly can't pull out a poem like that.
This was beautiful. I absolutly loved it, it was moving and deep. There wasn't much I could say about it that would help make it better since I belive that it was nearly perfect. Though there was one part that I think didn't flow too well, maybe its just me or maybe its just because it didn't rhyme like the rest did in the same pattern.
Radiate doesn't seem to fit. But otherwise it was great. And I don't think you really have to change it that's just my oppinion. Anyway, 5 owls out of 5.