Published May 23, 2010
Hey, crazy inspiration came on this one. I was watching a commercial for Michigan and traveling there, and it showed a picture of this couple, just sitting on this rock, and it seemed so innocent and beautiful. And I HAD TO WRITE about it. But, there's a twist.
Review please and I'll review back.
Thanks so much!:)
It was just me. And it was just him. And we were one. One pulse. One soul. One essence. Encircling our shallow breaths of hesitation and intertwining our bonded hearts, the echo of the lonely waves, pulsating and writhing like sighing, forlorn spirits against the frowning rocks moved through us, our heartbeats becoming a sole entity with the timbre of the mighty yet somehow timid sea. Two beings was all it took.
We, us, or it, clung to our last sense of life: each other, and the pure adrenaline coarsing through our veins, and the soft caress of each others intertwined hands. Our eyes met. My own eyes, as green as the spirit of the sea before us, and his own, a gentle shade of brown like the rock on which we watched our lives stroll by like a kaleidoscope of wonder, and the piece of matter that we had balanced who we were on, stared at each other.
And, we jumped.
And we were love.
It sploshed around us and we became what we felt most in our souls.
In that instance, we felt something, something igniting in our veins like a wildfire blazing through a dry, virgin land that never experienced its wrath, but beauty before.
We felt ecstasy.
And we had to, you see, because it was the end of the world.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh...well this is quite the imagery that is currently being tossed at us right off the bat here. It seems we've got ourselves a rather interesting situation with what appears to be a bit of a couple if the little bit of introduction from earlier is anything to be judging by. On the whole, it makes for a pretty interesting situation to be starting off with I think, and the general description that you manage to create there really brings this scene to life quite vividly here for the reader which works will for this opening.
Well that was certainly not a twist I managed to see coming, wow, things started off ever so quietly, but we end with these people literally experiencing the end of the world there, well that is certainly quite something. You certainly won't holding back at all when you meant there'd be a bit of a twist, this is in fact. This is certainly a rather powerful twist right there, I don't believe I've seen anything quite of that nature before and it makes for a very intriguing end point there because its such a unique feeling being created there with the whole happiness of love but mixing with an odd sense of sadness from the world ending, and this cliff situation. All in all, its just a very complex set of thoughts there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Bump!:)
anyone else care to review??:)
Hi RiverStar!
That was beautiful. I loved how you described everything so poetically, it just brought the image of the story to my mind. There are just a few things I didn't understand:
I don't think that you need a comma after "and". Also, the second sentence kind of breaks that poetic feeling that you were building. I don't really get the "or something" part. It might flow better if you cut it out or change it to something else.
You kind of left it on a cliffhanger. The end of the world? I have to read more!
Keep writing!
~Earthfire
Can y'all review please?:)