Published March 6, 2011
Happiness in its entirety,
Has hidden itself so well,
Never has it shown itself to man,
For fear that he would tell.
If he saw more than a peek,
How terrible it would be!
Not precious at all--but known to many,
Then give me misery!
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Wow!!! I really liked reading your poem... You are right about happiness being difficult to find. My friend once told me "Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you try to catch it, the farther it goes. Just be quiet and it'll come to you."
Altogether, I quite liked reading it...
I love it. I really do. I am big on that sort of stuff. I think you should revise it, though. Make it more deep. But other than that small input I love it.
Hi Aki
Brilliant poem, and I have to nitpick to criticize it. Most of the reviewers have already done a good job of it.
This, try removing "has it" and that should improve the flow.
That's the only nit I could pick out of the poem, other than that it was really good
Keep writing
Hi Aki
Brilliant poem, and I have to nitpick to criticize it. Most of the reviewers have already done a good job of it.
This, try removing "has it" and that should improve the flow.
That's the only nit I could pick out of the poem, other than that it was really good
Keep writing
Hi Aki
Brilliant poem, and I have to nitpick to criticize it. Most of the reviewers have already done a good job of it.
This, try removing "has it" and that should improve the flow.
That's the only nit I could pick out of the poem, other than that it was really good
Keep writing
Hi Aki
Brilliant poem, and I have to nitpick to criticize it. Most of the reviewers have already done a good job of it.
This, try removing "has it" and that should improve the flow.
That's the only nit I could pick out of the poem, other than that it was really good
Keep writing
Great poem, first of all and cute rhyme scheme
Thanks... I like this
This poem is really well written. I definitely agree that happiness is hardest to find for those who seek it most. I definitely think that this is man's greatest struggle. You do a great job of portraying that in this piece.
Hey Ritaki,
I thought that the voice that you gave yourself in this poem was really appropriate, but I didn't like what you are trying to say here. It didn't make to much sense to me. Yes, happiness can be hard to find, but to associate happiness with "If he saw more than a peek, How terrible it would be!" just does not make much sense at all. I think that maybe you should rethink that. I have no other criticizm. Keep up the good work!
-Alex
Woops! I wrote this quite a while ago and posted the unedited version! Thank you for pointing those out
Made the changes...
Hello!
Interesting poem. I quite liked its rhyming scheme; it gave the poem rhythm and made it easier to read, though I did notice a few problems!
I think you mean 'its' rather than 'it's':
I found this verse a bit too long and it slightly disrupted the poem's rhythm. Perhaps you should cut this down a bit in terms of length:
How comes 'Give' is capitalised? Is this personification or a mistake? I couldn't tell:
Overall, I liked this poem. Keep writing!
Thien