E - Everyone

Big Buck Life

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Splendid suit, Lavish car

Big house and a supermodel wife

I am living a Big Buck Life

Private plane, World tour

Big Tuna, Snake soup

I am living a Big Buck Life

Gold coins, Platinum necklace

Beach party, Private yacht

I am living a Big Buck Life

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
nidkits
Review
nidkits wrote a review · Thu Jul 06, 2017 3:46 am

Hai RishabhParmar,
This is a really great piece, I love it!!! I especially like this poem because its very nice and rhythmic. I usually always say going with the flow is always the best way poems sound. A great thing about this poem is they you have incorporated a lot of the elements needed to create a poem alone. Your format seems simple but perfect. The other great thing is the fact you focused on a subject. A lot of the time poets wander out of the subject and get to the point were the piece made no sense at all. The one thing about this poem that doesn't make it quite perfect is the fact that I can't feel much emotion. I usually like when I can feel a lot of movement but without emotion I feel like somethings missing. Although I really loved this poem I think that it requires some work. I can tell you're capable of doing this. Overall? Great Job!!! Keep Writing!!!
Nidkits

User avatar
myjaspercat
Review

Hey there RishabhParmar,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review.

Nit-picks/Line-by-Line

Spoiler
Splendid suit, Lavish car
Big house and a supermodel wife I would switch the "and a" to a comma since all the other lines follow the same pattern while this one does not.
I am living a Big Buck Life I would add a period here.
Private plane, World tour
Big Tuna, Snake soup
I am living a Big Buck Life Again another period
Gold coins, Platinum necklace
Beach party, Private yacht
I am living a Big Buck LifeEnd with a period


Overall
So as far as poems go, this one is pretty short and straight to the point. While that can be pretty useful sometimes, here I think it makes the overall feel of your poem kind of lack a good punch. I mean like, you pretty much listed things associated with having money so there wasn't really anything for your reader to picture or hold on to. It felt more like your speaker was just bragging about the things they had which made me kind of dislike the poem a bit.

I would suggest describing some of these things instead of telling the reader what they are. Let them come to their own conclusions a bit. That said, you don't want to describe each thing because then it would come to be a bit to much. Also, you don't need to capitalize each thing your speaker talks about. For one it makes the poem look a little clunky and grammatically/capitalization wise, it's incorrect.

Other then that, I don't know what else I could suggest. I bid you good luck, continue writing and if you have any questions feel free to ask.



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