Published January 19, 2012
I’m frozen
no motor function
my lips and tongue move
but the words
reach only isolation
I have only patience
restless and undying
There can be no crying
no tears
they’re frozen
once flowing
now still
once water
now ice
with no hope
nor desire
spare the floor
so they can shatter
but I have no goal
no destination.
I’m frozen.
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Hey there!
First off I'd like to say the poem was a little different. I like the difference in it, but I do have a few problems with the poem....
Where are the stanza's? I mean, there is no form to this poem, it just looks like one big stanza that has a poem in its self...
You see what I mean?
Now your words, your words can be used differently, they need to be able to pop out in the stanza. The words are really dull and boring, try to mix up the words so the reader doesn't get bored with your piece. It also helps them see more in your point of view just by changing the words. It makes a big difference in the writing.
Now, these are only a few things that I have to say about this pieces, please don't take this harshly. Its up to you if you wish to use my advice or not.
Thanks,
~Alabaster