Hello my angel.
Thou that shall save me from deluding my seams,
Tarnishing the skin that protects my innocence,
So fragile and alone, cruelly empty to the touch
Sensitive, unearthly, and wronged.
I’m a virgin to denial.
I’ll admit to the hunger, but the true sin is yours.
My angel, my own savior, such a fervent assailant.
That my love, so pure was shredded in the eyes of your beauty.
I may be of your light, but I’ll never be of your passion.
Sensations unbelievable.
I need your touch, take me back I plead.
There’s no way that I ever refused your exuberant impugn,
The torture that so powerfully tasted my harsh words and forgave them.
I want you to need me, take me from this place.
Dreams of happiness.
They saturate my mind and bleed into your conscience.
Hopes that your sweet words didn’t bedaub what is to come.
A future that isn’t burned in a trice, and yet scorches my fingertips to warn.
And though I believe that happiness won’t be found, I shan’t speak of it.
And now my angel, I ask you to leave.
Reverie is seducing, but in the end only brings tears to my eyes.
I know I have no angel, I know I have no future.
But still I ask you to leave, wrapping my dreams in a tight bundle to through overboard.
Thank you for your time, thank you for listening, but I’m helpless.
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,755 Reviews
Well done!
*claps hands*
This poem has meaning, it's not to hard but not to soft....if that makes sense!
Anyway, I think you have alot of talent!!
You could of made it into a story, but I think you chose well with the poem..
*keep rockin*
-Meg
Wow..nice Rieda. I really loved it. I like how your poems mean something. Keep up the good work sista!
-Rick (Brotha!
This has some great lines. It wasn't an amazing poem, but it had some good lines.
I liked this line. Although, reading over it, I realized I misread it? I thought it said "I may be your light, but I'll never be your passion" so, having said that, don't the ofs make this line bulky? Hah.
I also liked this line, because it says a lot in few words. Always a plus!
As to the overall poem... I don't know. It wasn't horrendously bad or anything. I think the problem was is that you wrote this all for yourself [so it seems] and so as a reader, a viewer, I don't receive a whole lot when I'm reading this. I think you could take the idea, pull it apart some, yank out the telling, add some metaphors and imagery, and it would be a lot better. The strongest problem is that it's all telling, and that I feel nothing throughout the whole thing.. sort of. I feel, but I don't feel enough. I want to feel what you feel, express your feelings, don't just say them. This could be an amazing poem.
I really hope that helped.
very nice...full of feeling as always....keep up the good work ^_^
All of your poems are full of meaning, and very dramatic. This one included. I really enjoy your work,
Wild