Young Writers Society

I am whole.
The guiding palm of the Ultimate Reality
has unclenched my hesitant eyes ----> too many syllables. with "unclenched" and "hesitant" it becomes a bit of a mouthful.
and released me into a world of
pure clarity.

The warmth of It's knowledge -----> make a new stanza here.
resonates in my soul
banishing vespertine fogs ---> ouch. wordy and hard to understand quickly in one reading.
once hiding in the blackest most corners of my soul;
uncluttering doubts between truths and falsehoods -----> those two lines are ick. too many words and syllables. clarify or split them up.
weighing down my conscience.

If I fall, ----> make a new stanza here.
let the intensity of It's power
be seeded in my spirit.
Let it grow till I am but a
leaf - ----> one it's own for any reason?
absorbing the goodness of our planet.

I am whole. ----> seperate line.

Overall, it wasn't bad. I liked your ideas but you try to pile too much onto one line. There's only so much you can do. There's an an inconsistent rhythm that doesn't seem intentional - it's all over the place. Some of your lines are a bit too long. I think this could definitely do with some editing.

green_river wrote:I am whole.
The guiding palm of the Ultimate Reality
has unclenched my hesitant eyes
and released me into a world of
pure clarity.
The warmth of It's knowledge
resonates in my soul
banishing vespertine fogs
once hiding in the blackest most corners of my soul;
uncluttering doubts between truths and falsehoods
weighing down my conscience.
If I fall,
let the intensity of It's power
be seeded in my spirit.
Let it grow till I am but a
leaf -
absorbing the goodness of our planet.
I am whole.