God created man in His image.
Man created me in his image.
Man was given freedom.
I was not.
I was sewn into existence,
Alive, but inanimate.
Confused, inquisitive, but hopeful.
As soon as the last thread was attached
I was crucified,
Like a reverse Messiah,
Meant to drive creatures away
With my presence.
It is all in vain.
I am here, paralyzed,
A neo-Prometheus.
My insides have become the nests of many families,
And as they grow, I shrink.
From my damned spot,
I see the farmer shooting at some poor child
Who wandered by mistake in his land.
God created Man in His image.
Man created me in his image.
God doesn’t own a shotgun.
Man does.
Sometimes I wish that I did too,
And that would be the end of me,
And I’d go back to the way I was before,
Uncreated.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Thank you both for your kind words and advice =]
Haha, ok so to answer your first questions...
I dont have a preference between prose and poetry, although I think I'm a bit better at writing poetry.
Again, no favourite genre, but i tend to lean towards darker writings.
My favourite books, I think, are Angels and Demons, and the DaVinci Code, both by Dan Brown.
I'm not much of a sportsman. It's music that i have a passion for
Thanks for making me feel more welcome
As to what a "neo-Prometheus" is:
Prometheus is a character in Ancient Greek mythology. He was tied to a rock by Zeus. Everyday, vultures would eat out his insides, which would grow again at night. The scarecrow feels likes a new Prometheus because the birds steal his straw. Hope that clears it up =]
I liked this poem from the first two lines. Your ties between a personal self, or a human who feels emotion, and the scarecrow was very well done. I read this twice just to soak it all in, which is a very good thing when it comes to poetry reading. The first time I read it while relating to myself. The other time I read it relating to a scarecrow. Well done.
I already see you'll do well here. ^_^ Feel free to look through the site, because there is a lot to see. If you want to make new writing buddies try joining a group or going into YWS Chat.
Before I go on to my praising and nit-picking, I'm Selene. Welcome to the wonderful world of YWS!
Just to get to know you a little better, I'm going to ask a few questions. Do you prefer prose or poetry? What's your favorite genre? What's your favorite book? What's your favorite sport?
Okay, to the review!
Nit-Picks:
Add another line or two explaining this. Sure, he's a scarecrow. Readers want more description than telling what he's feeling. You need to show it.
"Is" should be 'was' since you switched tenses.
I'm afraid to say I don't know what a "neo-Prometheus" is. Care to explain?
"In" should be 'into'.
Too many "and" 's in your ending. I'd take out the second "and", if I were you. Then I would take out the second comma and replace it with either a period or semi-colon.
Length and Structure:
It was short and sweet. I would have done more for your second stanza, though. Perhaps you can break it up to make it seem like it's longer. That way your structure and length has improved. ^_^
For length, add more while showing. I see a lot of telling and not a lot of raw detail. How did this scarecrow look? What raw emotion did it feel as it realized it was being strung to a pole? Describe how the wonder and innocence in his beaded eyes burned out as he witnessed the cruelty of mankind. That's the sort of stuff your reader wants to know.
For structure, poetry can be totally abstract or it can have order. Assuming you want order, try counting the lines. Make each stanza a constant, like have every one four lines. Or you can do 4-6-4. The possibilities are up to you; just make sure it correlates with your poetry.
Overall:
Your tone in this was dark throughout, yet appealing. The double side to this scarecrow, the real and the inanimate, was cleverly executed. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your poetry, so just drop me a PM if you care for another review! Also, if you have a question pertaining to this review or YWS feel free to ask. I hope you enjoy it here!
~Selene
Quite a dark poem and a good way to start of your profile, yet I wonder did you write this to describe how a scarecrow thinks if if could or something much more deep?
As for myself I believe to might symbolize a salve or one how believes they have no control over their destiny. If not then I wouldn't be so mad to be a scarecrow. A constant stare of limbo doesn't sound as bad as it is good.
Anyways great work and I look forward for more work from ya!
-Dawn