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Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

Dagger Wars - Chapter 1

by Rethya


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

The Sunrise Team ran through the forest, their Skirmisher leading them toward the outer wall. Numbering six, the Sunrise Team lacked only a Striker - the most important member of a Dagger Wars crew. Tyler the Skirmisher scowled as they ran. With dark red-brown hair and green eyes, the forest was his ideal area to blend in. But he still couldn’t do his job properly, because they didn’t have a Striker to cover him.

Seeing the wall coming up, Tyler slowed to a trot, and his mates copied him. Knowing that the enemy wouldn’t have followed them so far, Tyler freely growled and dashed at the leaf-covered ground. The others just watched him, their expressions mostly blank, because they knew exactly how he felt. Without a Striker, there wasn’t much that they could do, and it was a miracle every time they won a round.

“We’re going to lose, aren’t we?” Tyler asked, having calmed down a little. He wasn’t usually mad, so it was good that he was returning to his usual calm self.

“Don’t say that! We still have a fighting chance!” Mark said back enthusiastically. Though one year younger at 16, Mark had the sharp eyes of a Hunter, and he used them perfectly with his jacketed figure. Having pale blonde hair, Mark was the target for many females at their school, but that was the least of his concerns right then.

“Yeah, and that chance is, like, one in a million.” Mark turned to glare at Ian, the team’s Planner. In the same grade as Mark, Ian had long red hair and turquoise eyes. Religious and smart, there was never any questioning Ian’s brains when it came to statistics.

“Guys, let’s face it,” Queen sighed, tiredness showing in his brown eyes. “We don’t have a chance.” As one of the Warriors for the team, Carl “Queen” wore a black band around his throat to signify his position, but it often got mistaken for his hair choking him.

Luke - Queen’s friend since childhood - nodded. He had sandy coloured hair and blue eyes, marking him as another target for teen girls, along with the black band to display his position as Warrior. “Queen is right. We’re done for.”

“If only we had a Striker. Then we would win, for sure!” Luke looked at his hopeful younger brother, Ryan, whose dyed green hair frequently annoyed the former sibling. He also took after their father with his hazel eyes, which also caused lots of arguments between the two boys.

Queen nodded. “But we’re the only ones at our school who are really interested in Dagger Wars. Jackie is doing his best, but nobody will take up the position of Striker.”

“We have some requests,” Ryan countered, “but they were only for Warriors. We need to keep the open spot for the Striker.”

Ian tsked. “If only girls were allowed to play. I’m sure Jackie’s sister would love to participate.”

“We could always mask her…” Mark suggested.

Ian shook his head. “No, the officials do a full body check before each round. And there is no way that Jackie would let her play. Not after what happened to him.”

“Who won’t I let play what?” came a voice out of nowhere. The team turned to face the arena wall where they found the Student Head of Sports Department, Jackie, sitting patiently with a smirk on his face.

“Wha-! Jackie! Why are you down here?” Mark shouted.

Jackie chuckled lightly, his grey beanie shifting with the shake of his shoulders. Like usual, he was wearing his father’s tan jacket over a grey shirt. His big, calculating, brown eyes were alight with joy as he looked over them. “You looked like you were having some trouble, so I came to help.

“But… Won’t your sister shout at you?” Luke asked, slightly concerned.

Jackie grinned even more. “She’s the one that told me to come down here. You must’ve been looking very desperate to her for that to happen. What’s going on?”

Queen and Luke shared a concealed look. Looking back to Jackie, Queen said, “We were just talking about how we would have a much higher chance of winning if we had a Striker. Has anybody approached you about it yet?”

Expecting Jackie to frown at the question, the team was surprised when Jackie kept smiling. “As a matter of fact, yes.”

“Who?” Luke quickly asked.

“Now, that’s a secret. He has also put in a request for a mask so that nobody will recognise him. Apparently he has lots of enemies.”

Mark gasped. “You’re sending in your sister!”

“What?!” Jackie snapped, his eyes suddenly glinting fiercely. “I would never send her into a competition like this! Do you have any idea of how badly she could get injured? Her dancing days would be over! Are you insane? How stupid are you?”

For a moment, everybody was too stunned to speak or move. It was very rare for Jackie to lose his easy-going nature, but when it came to his sister, anything was possible. Mark’s mouth kept opening and shutting like a fish, as though he was trying to say something but didn’t know how to make sounds. Ian, however, recovered almost instantly.

“I told you,” Ian mumbled.

Jackie sighed. “Anyways, he will be here next time. I trust you guys can manage to pull through this round?” Queen and Luke looked at each other again and nodded. “Good. Just remember, if you need me, talk to my sister. I’ll see you after this to talk to you more about our new Striker.”

Jackie turned his chair and wheeled back down the short path to the wall, where a small door silently opened to let him through. The Sunrise Dagger Team looked around themselves and sighed.

“If only Jackie could still join us,” Ian mumbled.

“Yeah,” Tyler sighed. “He was the best in middle school. Nobody could beat him.”

“Him being targeted was inevitable,” Ryan said. “It’s just a shame that they went so far and were never caught.”

Mark looked around. “I still don’t get it. Was Jackie really that good?”

“When Jackie had his legs, nobody could outrun him. He was meant to join the national team when he turned 17, but that can’t happen now. He certainly was the best Striker to ever play this deadly game.” Queen smiled wryly. “Now, let’s go win this round, so that when our new Striker gets here next time, we will be ready for him.”

“For the Sunrise Daggers!” Luke shouted.

“Hiyah!” they all shouted, and Tyler led them away from the wall and back into battle.

#

“I can’t believe we lost,” Mark grumbled. The rest of the team grunted agreement.

“This is why nobody wants to seriously join us,” Ian groaned. “The only reason we receive funds is because Jackie is the Student Head of Sports Department. Without him, we wouldn’t be receiving any funding or support.”

“Without him, we wouldn’t even be a team,” Tyler added, a smile returning to his speech as they got further away from the arena.

Ian stared at Tyler, curious about why Tyler participated in the Dagger Games when it would make him very frustrated at times. Shaking his head, he ignored those thoughts and took the lead on the way to the briefing room. Located high above the arena, the Sunrise Daggers took a short elevator ride up the observational deck that then led onto the various briefing rooms.

When they got up there, the only person to be seen was a girl with long curly hair in two ponytails, the colour rivaling that of the sun. She wore a pale blue button-up shirt with white slacks and a vest. When she turned towards them, her smile and joyous brown eyes consumed them. This was Jackie’s sister, Sky.

Considered Taboo amongst all the sport students at their high school due to being Jackie’s sister, Sky was very rarely referred to by her name and almost never spoken to. She was tall and thin, and a brilliant dancer. Nobody was allowed to touch her, and if they did, then their position at the school was thoroughly questioned. Jackie wasn’t going to let anybody hurt. Not after what happened to him.

“Hey, Sky,” Ian greeted. However, having had to deal directly with Jackie frequently, the Sunrise Daggers team was able to freely converse with Sky without any worry of being reprimanded.

“Well done, everybody!” Sky cheered enthusiastically. Though not the brightest at times, everybody enjoyed her company. Especially when she spoke to them about Dagger Wars, as that was, conveniently, one of the few things that she knew absolutely everything about. “When you have the Striker next time, I’m sure you’ll win! Now, come on! Jackie is waiting for us.”

The boys followed Sky down a short hallway into a large room. One room of the wall was completely glass, allowing an incredible view down onto part of the forest arena. The part where Sunrise Daggers had spent most of the recent battle. The team let out a collective groan. A light laugh drew their attention to the large meeting table, the type that was commonly found in company board meetings. Sitting at the head, Jackie stared at them with calculative eyes. In front of him was a pile of folders. Profile folders.

“Why don’t you all take a seat? Sky, would you please bring us some water? I’m sure they are all thoroughly exhausted.”

The Sunrise Team looked around themselves, confused, as Sky disappeared from the room. Jackie had never sent Sky to do something before. Nor had he spoken so creepily polite before. It had Mark gulping in worry and Queen frowning in concern.

When Sky reappeared with a cart of water jugs and cups, Jackie sighed and smiled over at her. After pouring everybody a drink, Sky bent over Jackie’s side to whisper in his ear. The boys tried to lean in closer and hear. Jackie responded to her in like and she laughed. Turning back to face the members of the Sunrise Daggers team, Jackie frowned. Sky left the room and shut the door behind her.

“I’m not amused, guys,” Jackie started. “The only one out of you who managed to survive as long as I expected was Tyler, and that was only because he wasn’t paying attention enough to realise he was meant to drop back and help. Are you just expecting the Striker to do all the work for you? For all you know, he will just be some gangly fool who has never thrown a dagger before in his life.”

“You wouldn’t take in someone like that,” Ryan protested.

Jackie raised an eyebrow in question. “Wouldn’t I? So far, there has been only one person apply for the role of Striker, and I decided to accept him, even before I read over his file. That’s how desperate I am to get this team together. Luckily, though, he reads well.” Queen continued to frown, though the others seemed to relax a little. Jackie noticed. “What’s wrong, Carl?”

“What else is wrong? You and Sky weren’t acting like usual. Heck, you were acting like your old selves, like how you were before the accident.”

Queen immediately cringed after the words left his mouth. He knew Jackie didn’t like the mention of what happened to him. “It’s because the person who applied is someone we’ve met before. Do you remember the guy that showed up after I had to stop?”

Ryan’s eyes widened. “You don’t mean Charlie, right? That strange guy that was nearly as good as you?”

Jackie nodded slowly. “That is exactly who I mean. It appears as though he goes to school with us and noticed that the team still needed a Striker. So, he has generously offered his services.”

“Charlie?” Mark asked. “Who’s that?”

“Weren’t you listening?” Ian asked. “Charlie is the guy that showed up three months after Jackie stopped participating in the Dagger Wars. He was crazy good, though I had never heard of him before then. Only our coach knew his real identity.” Ian looked over to Jackie. “Though, I suppose you know as well, don’t you?”

Jackie nodded. “I knew back then, as well. Coach had asked me if I was okay if my position was taken so soon afterwards what happened, and I said yes, on the condition that I knew who he really was.”

“I still remember when we first met…” Ryan mused.

*

“We’re going to do a quick role check before we start,” coach Dylan said. He was somewhere in the forties, but the members of the middle school Tiger Daggers team all liked him. The boys all nodded, their expressions still solemn, despite the loss of their team mate having been three months ago. Dylan sighed. “Ian!”

A shorter version of the modern Ian jumped and grinned. “Planner, present!”

“John!”

A boy, looking similar to Tyler, smiled awkwardly. John was Tyler’s younger brother. “Skirmisher, present!”

“Carl!”

Queen, not looking any different to now, nodded. Though having started high school that year, he was still eligible for the middle school team and had hung back to be with Ian and Jackie. “Warrior, present.”

“Ryan!”

Just like Queen, Ryan had hung back for the Dagger Wars. “Warrior, present.”

“Lee!”

A short blonde boy dropped out of a tree with a shout. “Warrior, p-present!”

“Paul!”

The twin to Lee jumped out of a bush onto the former brother. “Hu-hunter, present!”

Dylan cleared his throat and looked over all the hopeful and expectant boys. Despite knowing that Jackie had lost his lower legs, every time Dylan did a role call, they expected to hear a seventh name. “We have a seventh player.” The boys held their breaths. “His name is concealed, as he doesn’t want what happened to Jackie to happen to him as well. Please, call him Charlie.”

A tall boy stepped out of the shadows from behind Dylan. He wore a black cloak, similar to what Jackie used to wear, and spiky pink hair stood up and out from behind the white mask that hid his face. The Tiger Daggers Team stared at Charlie, their expressions distraught and full of anger. Charlie shifted awkwardly on his feet, clearly not having expected such a hostile reaction from his new teammates.

“Please treat Charlie as your equal. He is doing a big favour for us, after what happened to Jackie.”

“We don’t care,” Queen snapped. “You’ve replace Jackie. Now he’ll never come back.”

Darting a look to Charlie, Dylan frowned at Queen. “I’m surprised of you, Carl. Usually you are such a smart child. You should know by know that Jackie can’t come back. After what happened to his legs, he’ll never even be able to walk.”

“Walk now or not, Jackie would’ve returned!” Ryan shouted. “You didn’t know him like we did. Jackie would never let something like that hold him back. It was just a matter of time before he came back out here and fought with us. Now you’ve gone and taken that place away from him!”

Dylan sighed. “Look, if Jackie wants to comeback, all he has to do is tell me and Charlie will leave. Charlie is only here because I asked him to fill in for us.”

Ian looked between Ryan and Dylan, before shaking his head sadly and putting on a forced smile. “Come on, Ryan. When Jackie comes back, we have to be ready for him. That’s not going to happen if we’re not used to having a Striker. Charlie can help us prepare for that, okay? Is that okay with you, Charlie?” Charlie nodded. “You can speak… right?”

Charlie shook his head and Dylan spoke up before Ryan could shout over again. “Charlie has been mute for a long time. But don’t worry, he can get your attention without making any sound.”

Ian and Ryan nodded hesitantly, and Queen smiled.

*

“Yeah,” Ian sighed. “You were so rude to him when we first met.”

Queen nodded. “But then he went on and helped us win that round and all the others after that. Unfortunately, Jackie never returned, so it was good that Charlie was there. If not, we probably would’ve lost most of them.”

Ryan looked over to Jackie with a frown, his eyes filled with sadness. He had been so certain that Jackie would return to them, somehow. But he never came back, and instead grew very distant to them. Even now in high school, the only way they could take to Jackie was by going through his sister first. However, Jackie generally seemed to be happy, despite his supposed lonely existence.

“So, seeing as I hear no objections to Charlie joining you, tomorrow at practice you will be training with him. Your next round is next week. Work hard, and let’s win this.” Jackie smiled at them all and they cheered.


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396 Reviews


Points: 27
Reviews: 396

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Sun Aug 30, 2015 7:56 pm
Pompadour wrote a review...



Hullo. Happy Review Day!

I'll make this short.

You have a list of characters. Good. You know what they look like. Also good. You have the barebones of a plot and you're heading in a certain direction. Again--good.

What's not so good is that your readers are observing a detached, emotionless narrator simply list things down as they happen. Your readers require information in order to understand the novel. Information does not mean info-dumping in any manner or form; it means subtly telling your readers things they need to /know/ and /understand/ in order to have a grip on what exactly is going on. What are Strikers? What is the Sunrise team? Is it a school thing or are we in a science-fiction/fantastical universe? I'm assuming it's the former, but these are things your reader needs to know in order to be invested in a novel, rather than the eye colour and hair colour of characters whose names we can't possibly be expected to remember in a first chapter. As it is, things were going too fast for me to entirely keep track of, and with mostly dialogue-based scene instead of any description, imagery (of the senses or otherwise), plus not much characterisation, I was not compelled to read on; my eyes slid down the text.

My advice to solve this: take things a little slowly. Adopt a voice. Explore your characters' personalities rather than how appealing they are to a third party. Honestly--your reader does not care for what the characters look like as much as what they're doing. Establish a point-of-view to write in; this article may help in that regard. Employ a bit of sensory description--things like 'taste', 'touch', and 'sight'. Writing is as much about aesthetic appeal as it is about telling a story; you must engage your reader and make them care for your world and for your characters.

Keep working on this. There's always potential, and the fact that you have an idea is really great! Cut down on the excessive load of characters, perhaps, and invite us into the world. Lemme know if you ever re-write/edit this and I'll be happy to look it over for you~

Good luck! Keep it up! Keep writing!

Hope this helped~

~Pomp c:




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Points: 508
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Mon Aug 24, 2015 1:09 am
SabrinaO wrote a review...



Hello!

The minute i read your story description i was ready to jump right into the action! Your story idea and concept are so intriguing that you instantly have the readers attention.

Your first paragraph has a great set up for the rest of your story. You leave just enough questions that keep a reader interested. I just hope you plan to answer some of the questions in any upcoming chapters!

You have a nice variety of characters with different personalities. I'm sure we will get to know them more as the story continues. At the time though i don't feel any connections to the characters YET. I do feel pity for is Jackie though. But other then that they are all just names, jobs, and a single characteristic.

I wish we had some more insight on the world we are currently in during your story. Is this the future? Is it set in real time?

You have the potential for an amazing novel that i can't wait to read more of! You said in the description it was a nationwide competition. So it will be pretty awesome when we see the differences in teams from different nations. Also all the different strategy's and techniques they use.

Can't wait to read more!



Random avatar
Rethya says...


Thank you the review. I plan on describing the world as I go through the story, though my original plan was to explain it in a prologue.
I'm also very glad that you already have feelings for Jackie, as I plan on messing with those as the story goes on :)




Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux (One must imagine Sisyphus happy).
— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus