Mara could swear there was someone behind her.
She always heard footsteps but couldn’t tell if they were actually there or not, and she tried to just ignore it.
But then she kept on seeing things outside the window in her room. And in empty rooms. And under the stairs.
But no one ever believed her.
It felt so weird to her, like her experience was all just a joke being played on her, yet she knew it was something slightly more than a joke.
There was always that atmosphere of eeriness or unease when she felt like that. So weird.
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This almost gives me an Edgar Alan Poe vibe, and I'm loving it.
I think you could lean into the idea that the feeling is clearly bothering her. Perhaps the feeling could slowly start to drive her crazy. Maybe she sees shadows where there shouldn't be any or hears disembodied sounds if you want to lean more into the spooky side of literature.
If you like spooky stories, I highly recommend reading Edgar Alan Poe, Hamlet, Macbeth, and some other spooky stories.
What if she can't ignore it? Give us more. Feed us, if you will.
This could keep her up at night; she hears tapping on her window, but it's just a tree. Or is it?
Could you rephrase the end to make it more eerie?
Aww thank you!! I have only started writing recently so it’s rly helpful to get tips!!
Heyo and welcome to the site!
I always advise that you should find a good title and summary for your story because that shows that you care. Writing good titles and summaries is also a skill so it’s ok if it isn’t perfect right away- but one should always try~
Next up! Is there are reason why you put the story entirely in bold? :3
Hmm I feel like what could help your story would be if you were a bit more specific in what exactly Mara saw. You say she sees “things” but that doesn’t tell us anything. Are the things pink fluffy unicorns? How tall are the things? What specifically do the footsteps sound like? Human footsteps? Paws? Something heavy? Something sneaky?
You don’t have to be too specific, but something that suggests… a general idea of what we’re dealing with. Shadows that are too dark to be real. Long spindly limbs that swish out of sight when she tries to look at them etc.
Oh thank you!! I’ve only started writing recently so tips are helpful and my writing may not be the best!!
I love this short eerie mini story. I can't stand gruesome imageries so this is the right kind of eeriness for me
the line 'and in empty rooms' creeped me out. I think its because its such a short sentence it's very impactful. Keep it up!
just a little idea: 'but couldn't tell if they were actually there or not', maybe 'couldn't tell if they belonged to hers or not. Tap, tap, tap. From behind her. ' ? since I sometimes find echoes in empty rooms unsettling, if this was the atmosphere you were trying to build.
Lightswitch.
Ooh thank you sm!!! I've only started poetry recently so it may not be the best yet