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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

The Mistress

by Renard


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

SERIOUS AGE WARNING. THIS ONE IS MORE EXPLICIT THAN THE OTHER ONE.

18S AND OVER 18S ONLY THANK YOU..

Welcome to the chamber of secrets. No, not THAT chamber…ladies and gentleman, you are granted full, unadulterated access to my personal chamber. My vagina.

That's the sign you read when you enter the basement of a seedy, city flat. The dark, underground, earthliness of the low - roofed room welcomes you. Heat bounces into the pores of your skin and the smell of exotic spices fills your lungs. You have arrived. But you have yet to come.

She'll be here any minute... you think to yourself. Somehow, awaiting your Mistress is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. The anticipation. Her voluptuous body, curved like a marble sculpture. All for you.

To run your hands over her pert breasts and erect nipples. Rosy pink and blinking at you. She

orders you to suck them, flicking at them with your tongue. Naughty play time.

“You like that don’t you?” she asks. Of course, you’re unable to respond, not only from rapture, but due to the fact you have her breast stuffed into your mouth so you can barely breathe.

Now you notice her outfit. The black latex, the corset (and the nipples and flesh of her breast that hang casually within your reach), the skirt that looks more like a belt; revealing her tight butt and seeping lips, surrounded by the light dusting of her pubic hair. Her fishnet stockings and the PVC boots she parades around so confidently in. It’s all a show, but you love to watch.

"It's not just watching though is it..." she lets the question hang with you. Lets you hang. "...you want to touch. Touche me." She winks.

Then you notice her face. Her rhinestone eyes that glow dimly in the candlelight room. Her porcelain skin and her vermillion lips against the contrast of her ivory teeth. So seductive. You want to kiss her; and try to, but she just pushes you back.

Both still standing, she forces you to undress her, peeling away the tightly wound lingerie. Then she guides your hand to her crotch where you feel the wet, welcoming pussy salivating on your fingers. Her chamber. You want to put your penis inside it, your fingers, your tongue. But that's for her to decide.

"Come with me." She places one delicate hand over your eyes and you can smell the previous scent of cum on her fingers. Her scent. Guiding you to a hard, wooden board she lays you down, strips you naked and climbs on top of you. Demanding your eyes remain closed she begins to grind her chamber against your solidly hard cock.

Amidst the moans grunts you hear the sounds of efffort and her heavy breathing on top of you. She places all her weight on you and it's crushing but you like it. Her breasts, mountaining themselves on your own chest. Those erect nipples dancing back and forth over your skin as she girates her hips across your groin.

You want more.

When you tell her this, she places a hand over your mouth, before slipping it sideways and slotting a finger into your willing mouth. "Suck." And your wet tongue engulfs the wrinkled crevices of her skin. Caressing the coarse skin, feeling the grooves of her form.

"Don't ask me for anything else," she whispers. She is the boss.

"Yes Mistress," you reply.

Her eyes widen. And she glances your face, once. Hard. With the back of her hand, she leaves a stinging impression upon your cheek. "Turn over!" An evil glint in her eye, and you roll over immediately. The wood is hard and uncomfortable, especially against your own erection, but you obey.

SMACK! And she's spanking you. "Don't speak without being spoken to. No one said you could do that," she spits on you buttocks and rubs it in with her tongue. You're wet, just like her. And you want even more, but dare not speak. Embracing the sensation, you try not to wince or flinch as she brings her hand down against your butt, again and again and again...

She stops. "Face me." As you turn to see her eyes staring at you again, she hoists herself over your legs, hovering over your erect penis. "Put it in inside," and she parts the moist lips of her vulva so that some of her juice drips onto your legs. Seizing your cock, you slide it into the wet cavern and thrust.

"Fuck me. And don't say a word. You may only moan."

With a nod, you take a deep breath, holding the sides of her waist you pull her vagina tighter over your cock. It is loose and warm in her chamber, like an oven. You can feel the way she tenses on your shaft, even gripping the glans of your penis. You fuck harder.

Her breasts bounce repeatedly and restlessly as she is thrown into the air. A vertical orbit on your cock. She grinds as you fuck her. The walls of her insides brushing your skin. Abruptly, she pulls herself off of you. Lowering her head, her lips specifically to the tip of your penis where she weaves her tongue over the tiny slit, even putting the end of her tongue inside. You squirm. The sensitivity of it pleads in you to make her stop. Yet, the crescendo of tension, the constant build up of pleasure is enough for you to express your desire in a well timed moan.

"You will come now," she informs you. Jerking the skin of your cock in her hands, alternating, twisting... with her thumb brushing the tip, you feel an inexplicably, divine sensation of pleasure sweeping up from your balls; through your legs and your entire being. You want to cum on

her breasts, but don’t know whether you are allowed. You play it safe and don’t speak, until… you can’t speak. The pleasure answers for you. And her hands wield the white,sticky fuid from you,

guiding it onto her face. Her lips, covering her mouth in your salty icing. It glazes her red lipstick; and you want to clean it off, to lick it up.

"You've made a mess of your Mistress, what do you say?" she looks at you with a calculating glance.

"Sorry Mistress." SLAP. She strikes the other side of your face.

"Who said you could speak?" she demands, before unleashing a devillish grin and licking her flushed lips.

And with that, she dismounts the wooden board and melds to become part of the darkness. Facelessly, she calls back to you:

"Come again any time, I hope you enjoyed my chamber."


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333 Reviews


Points: 189
Reviews: 333

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Sun Mar 30, 2014 2:09 pm
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retrodisco666 wrote a review...



Hey Retro here for a review.

This is really well written erotic and moving piece. I feel as though your characterization of 'the mistress' is really well done and that you make a realistic character.

The whole extended method of what is the chamber is very interesting. It is a somewhat common idea, the bloody chamber for example, however, i feel as though you make an excellent improvement on this idea.

I, personally, don't read this sort of stuff often but I feel as though you wrote something truly worth reading. I love this and I love you characters.

Excellent job well done!

Keep writing,
Retro




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Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:59 pm
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Alpha wrote a review...



Hihihi.

Now this is some story. The first thing I noticed is how choppy the writing is. In a sentence, the whole scene changes, time periods pass during unimportant details, while other parts are drawn out, full of verbs and not much in way of emotions (until the end) and description (other than her vagina and curves, I mean). Is it a bad thing? I'd say no, it suits this kind of writing. You did describe a couple of other things (the building/room description was pretty cool) so all is good.
But take this, for example:

She'll be here any minute... you think to yourself. Somehow, awaiting your Mistress is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. The anticipation. Her voluptuous body, curved like a marble sculpture. All for you.

To run your hands over her pert breasts and erect nipples. Rosy pink and blinking at you.

So what's going on here? Dude is anticipating her arrival, dude is speculating fun times ahead, completely expected mention of her figure, and then, what, he's petting her, and we know that he isn't just thinking of it because she orders him to suck it. So... a main character arriving without a word in the story? I don't think that works.
(As an aside, that 'All for you.' bit kinda bugs me given that she's the domme and she's the one with power of him, so nothing it's the other way round and he belongs to her in that time frame ... I don't know, I'm random. Also, *coughcough* I love that 'blinking at you' part, ehem. Cool description.)

Like Adam pointed out, I enjoyed the wittiness in this piece. It focuses more on actions than emotions, which totally suits this, but what is the point? In it's own like this, it's just smut. I was aroused a bit but developed no particular feelings for the two. I just didn't see the point of it other than to show two people banging. Hey, there's nothing wrong with writing sex. It's just that I personally prefer erotica over smut. Erotica is smart and sexy, smut is just trashy. Now, I loved the wit in this piece, and if it were expanded and revised, with a little more character development, it would turn out to be a really great piece.

Last thing, your use of second-person narration is refreshing.. but it falls apart in some places. In the part I quoted previously, a sentence goes, "To run your hands over her pert breasts and erect nipples." I think that this is an example of the few times Microsoft Word is right about fragment sentences. See, fragment sentences are awesome, nothing wrong with them. They just have to have some sort of main clause somewhere in the sentence(s) that come before them. So before you start that sentence with 'To run your hands over her pert breasts', tell us what led to this thought. It doesn't just come on it's own. An example would be something liiiiike this example:
Waking up the next morning with welts on her body and blood on her thighs and his sheets, her first thought was not of regret or fear, but that it had all been worth it [...]The wait, the pain, the sacrifice that now felt like no sacrifice at all.

So this is a quote for an erotica novel called The Siren. (That series. ;-; So awesome .<3) Second sentence has no verbal clause. Fuck verbal clauses, the sentence before it had a main clause that links to it. Hope I got this across.

So, overall, quirky witty story, good job, I was blown away...I'm so lame Feel free to use whatever pointers you find useful in your other writings, and also feel free to ignore pointers if they miss the point.

Keep writing!
Cheers,
--Alpha




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Wed Mar 26, 2014 3:16 pm
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MasterGrieves wrote a review...



Heyo! :D 567ajt is here again, and here we have another saucy work. Unlike the previous work, which is animalistic and passionate, this work likens to some form of sadism/domination, as the title explicitly suggests.

Your character, the Mistress, is spot on. She is very didactic and authoritative, such as in this moment:

SMACK! And she's spanking you. "Don't speak without being spoken to. No one said you could do that," she spits on you buttocks and rubs it in with her tongue.


The sheer bluntness of the character is accurate to how a mistress behaves in the scenario. I love the definite hierarchy on display, and the use of a 2nd person narrative emphasises this. The narrator is taunting the reader, almost, which again supports the concept of the story. I also love the note on the door;

Welcome to the chamber of secrets. No, not THAT chamber…ladies and gentleman, you are granted full, unadulterated access to my personal chamber. My vagina.


Very witty and funny. XD

The sex itself, as opposed to the previous work, is more "rough" and intense;

With a nod, you take a deep breath, holding the sides of her waist you pull her vagina tighter over your cock. It is loose and warm in her chamber, like an oven. You can feel the way she tenses on your shaft, even gripping the glans of your penis. You fuck harder.

Her breasts bounce repeatedly and restlessly as she is thrown into the air. A vertical orbit on your cock. She grinds as you fuck her. The walls of her insides brushing your skin.


The ending part, the reader's orgasm, is particularly a highlight;

"You will come now," she informs you. Jerking the skin of your cock in her hands, alternating, twisting... with her thumb brushing the tip, you feel an inexplicably, divine sensation of pleasure sweeping up from your balls; through your legs and your entire being. You want to cum on

her breasts, but don’t know whether you are allowed. You play it safe and don’t speak, until… you can’t speak. The pleasure answers for you. And her hands wield the white,sticky fuid from you,

guiding it onto her face. Her lips, covering her mouth in your salty icing. It glazes her red lipstick; and you want to clean it off, to lick it up.


Even post-orgasm, the mistress is still in character;

"You've made a mess of your Mistress, what do you say?" she looks at you with a calculating glance.

"Sorry Mistress." SLAP. She strikes the other side of your face.

"Who said you could speak?" she demands, before unleashing a devillish grin and licking her flushed lips.


The closing line, "Come again any time, I hope you enjoyed my chamber." That is a very good closing line, and perhaps suggests that despite the slapping- the "stinging impression"- the slave loves it. In a way, it suggests an aspect of love and affection.

Another exciting and titillating work, baby :) Keep up the good work! :D

-hugs-
I love you ♥





If all pulled in one direction, the world would keel over.
— Yiddish proverb