Tom’s attempts to govern the clock had proved futile. A pit of crumpled paper engulfed his desk; where he sat with his head in his hands.
“What are you doing?” His little sister Isla appeared in the doorway; clutching her favourite panda toy. She carried Monium everywhere and it made Tom laugh because the bear was almost bigger than her.
“I’m trying to write, Isla,” he muttered. How was a four year old going to help the situation?
“Why?” Isla tottered towards her brother, dragging the panda along in her wake. Tom felt vague annoyance kicking in as he looked down on his little sister. She was too young to understand the creative process. The time it took for him to think of ideas and shape them on the page.
“Because I’m a writer,” Tom snapped.
“What are you writing?”
“A story.” He felt all possibility of concentration evaporating.
“Tom,” Isla said in a whisper.
Resisting the urge to slam his hand through the desk, Tom turned to examine his sister’s wide emerald eyes. She must have detected the anger in his face, because she recoiled slightly at his expression, clutching Monium closer to her chest.
“What is it?” he tried lazily to disguise the annoyance in his voice.
“I wondered...I mean Monium was wondering, if he could see Mitchell. Please?” A large grin spread across her face.
“Come on then,” Tom sighed. Defeated, he got to his feet and crossed the room to his bed, where under his pillow; he kept his own childhood teddy bear: Mitchell. He distinctly remembered the time Isla had first seen Mitchell. She had gotten scared because amidst his snowy white fur, the bear only had one eye remaining. However, Tom had managed to content her with the explanation that it was because Mitchell had been ‘well loved and played with.’
“What happens in your story?” Isla asked, as he handed her the bear and she sat cross legged on his bedroom floor, Mitchell and Monium in her arms.
“Well... it’s about a boy who...” Tom paused, that was as far as he had gotten. After waiting for him to speak, Isla continued.
“It should be a story about a little girl who goes on big adventures with her friends Monium and Mitchell,” she explained, hugging the bears closer to her chest.
“I wish I had your imagination,” Tom smiled wryly at his sister.
“Or a story about a boy who has a sister, who gets her help to write a story for other little sisters?” Isla smiled brightly.
It took Tom a moment to register what she had said. “You want to help me write?”
Isla nodded slowly, staggering to her feet under the weight of the bears. Instinctively, Tom helped her to her feet, hoisting her (and the bears) onto his lap so they all sat at the desk together. Isla gestured at the pen on the desk with Mitchell’s paw.
“Ok, so... how do you suggest this story begins?”
“Hmmm...” Isla tapped her chin with Monium’s paw. “Once upon a time, there were two...”
It was as Tom expected, however, perhaps out of sheer boredom, he found himself notating every word his sister spoke. Almost as though, Isla had made him a child again.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi there Bloodink
I did not read the prelude to this short story (I don't know if you wrote one, apologies if you did). Now, because of its length, this looks like something you cobbled together when you were undergoing the horrendous experience of writer's block.
Don't get me wrong! I loved it (specifically because I can relate to it) and it has a good flow to it as well. My only problem is the manner in which you put across the emotions Tom goes through. I can fully well understand (and empathise with the character) when his little sister keeps bothering him, but (for me personally), it would be better if you could tone it down a bit - the hand-slamming and everything could suggest he is interacting with an adult. Furthermore, the transition from one emotion to another could be accomplished more smoothly. First Tom is shaking in anger, the next he is smiling wryly at his sister. I got what you wanted me to understand but I think that, in this case, it is necessary to state explicitly that his anger has evaporated at his sister's innocence (or a like phrase).
One way you could expand your story - see the line, 'I wish I had your imagination'? Have Tom think back to when he was a child, playing with castles and make-believe characters and all that run-wild imagination. Have him long for it again, for if he had it now, at the present, he wouldn't have to put up with writer's block.
Just a suggestion! Really enjoyed reading your work, good job!
Calvinn.
I like it! Is this perhaps slightly self-biographical. O rperhaps you were looking for a way to start the first sentence. But one thing's for certain, you've posted it in the right place. At a guess everyone who reads this will have been in this situation of writers block. I love the characterisation, and you manage to tell a long store in a short length.
Very well done!
TTYF.