Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
One particularly uncanny feature about Mitchelll was his ability to be right about almost everything. A girlish, tinkling laughter met Poppy's ears as she entered her front door - that was all too familiar. Arabella was there.
Casually, Poppy strode through the hallway to the large living room where she found a black-eyed Arabells sprawled over her leather sofa.
"Poppy! What are you doing here?" Arabella sprung to her feet to great her.
"I live here," Poppy was deliberately blunt. This registered with Arabella, as the expression on her face changed.
"Where's Will?"
"In the kitchen, whipping up a storm I daresay," Arabella giggled.
Will had never cooked for Poppy in all the time they had been together.
"I see, well I won't bother him. I'm just on my way actually, once I collect a few things," Poppy forced a smile.
"Don't feel as though you have to leave on my account," Arabella splayed a hand across her chest dramatically.
"I don't."
"Poppy?" Will appeared in the doorway, a knife in his hand. He looked as though he'd been crying.
"Onions," he spoke, as if he had read Poppy's thoughts. She nodded.
"Well, I'll just get my things," Poppy muttered.
"Where are you going?" Will asked, as she turned away.
"Why should that be of any interest to you?" she replied coldly.
"I care about you."
"Do you?" Poppy narrowed her eyes at him.
"Yes he does," Arabella interrupted.
Poppy found this most unwelcome. Without another word, she left the room and let Will and Arabella begin a whispered conversation. Poppy could have exploded when she the state her bedroom was in. On one hand - all of William's personal items as was normal. But the other, was riddled with something entirely different. A disease: flamboyant dresses and avant garde portraits that were not to Poppy's taste. Even the bedclothes had changed to a leopard print design.
"Tacky," Poppy spat, as she fumbled for the bag she always kept under the bed.
"Actually, I find them rather fascinating. Leopards," Arabella had appeared in the doorway.
For some reason, Poppy found this fitting and saw the opportunity of a comment: "Well they don't change their spots," she sang.
"Indeed. Seems we have made our choices," Arabella sighed and crept further into the room and rounded on Poppy.
"You really don't have to leave. This is your home."
"Not anymore, strangely, I feel most unwelcome."
"Because of this?" Arabella gestured to her black eye. Poppy ignored her.
"He loves you," Arabella persisted.
"Excuse me?" Poppy dropped the dresses she had been folding.
"I'm only a distraction."
"You're getting married next month," Poppy reminded her.
"And probably divorced the month after. So what? It's you he really wants. I know that-"
"Well if you know that, then what are you doing with him?" Poppy demanded, unable to keep the anger out of her voice any longer.
"It's fun."
"You're depraved," Poppy sniped, shoving her clothes into the bag.
"And you're deluded. If you think that Will is going to come back to you anytime soon, at least not with me around," Arabella let out a cruel laugh.
Deciding she couldn't withstand anymore, Poppy collected her belongings and tried to push past Arabella to the bedroom doorway.
"Where are you going to go?" Arabella called after her.
Poppy ignored the question and raced down the stairs with her bags, barging past Will who was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. His face strained when he saw her and he looked as though he were about to speak. With a sigh, Poppy threw her house keys at him and said: "I hope you've made the right choice."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hai BSF, I promised I would review one of your chapters and here I am! Though ere really isn't much to review. So I will start off with some minor spelling thingus in no particular order.
'If you think that Will is going to come back to you anytime soon.' You forgot a quotation mark after soon, and a full stop.
'It seems like we have made out of choices.' Made? ...I really don't know that term, did you perhaps mean 'ran out of choices.' But if that was correct, excuse my stupidity. xD. You can explain to me what that term means as well.
'When she the state' I think you missed a saw in there, 'when she saw the state'. (I do apologize for not quoting and highlighting things, my tablet likes to make life heard for me.)
So, you're a flawless writer with grammar and spelling and alas, milady I cannot say more on that matter so I will comment on your wonderful writing style, plot and characters.
Characters: I have mixed feelings about Poppy and Arabelle, I mean they have an interesting voice and I think you have developed them quite nicely as they feel realistic enough to me, yet I cannot relate to them. (Besides from the fact that I'm not engaged) I feel as if they are a bit flat. I have to day, I fell in love with Mitchell the moment I saw him. His voice was engaging and humorous though with Poppy I don't really get the same depth with her. I mean i know how she talks and reacts, but I don't get what motivates her. But anyways, that's just me. And you write the best dialogue I have ever seen, everything just flows so beautifully.
Plot: Alright, so I love the plot, I'm dying to see what's going on. Though I have a few questions I want to ask. The chapter starts off with Arabelle in the room, if I'm not wrong she had just been the victim of a horrible cat fight. ^^ Shouldn't Belle be in the hospital, or I don't know at least have a few scratches or something?
The ending, now that was an interesting (confusing) ending. This is certainly a very very interesting point you have set up there, I'm guessing is a foreshadow to something. Though the last sentence completely threw me off and left me hanging. One minute, Belle is saying Will loves her and the next, she is saying Will will never come back to Poppy. I guess all in good time, eh?
Language and style: I love how you write too, every single detail flows so smoothly woot any bumps. And your dialogue skill is absolutely amazing, every little action reflects something of the character speaking. And the action keeps the readers reading all the way through and all your chapters have a good length. The only advice or suggestion I have is actually to describe your surroundings a bit more and perhaps delve deeper into the character but other than that, every sentence in this chapter is wonderful, concise and action filled.
I don't know why I haven't read your novels earlier, but I sure am going to keep reading them now. You are truly truly a very promising writer.
~Laure
Aww thank you very much.
I will take your points into consideration and I am so glad that you like my work.
Thank you for your compliments.
Back again!! It's so awesome I just have to keep going!
Main Points
Whipping.
"saw" after "she"
I mentioned this in the previous chapter.
"out" should be "our"
OMG I am in love with this! I liked your other chapters but this one to me was your best. I LOVE your humour! And Poppy! Oh she is an awesome character! I have nothing negative to say except that if you don't continue this I will- *leaves threat hanging....*
Keep it up and happy writing!!
Silverlock