Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
I was looking at her.
But she wasn't looking at me.
She was looking through me.
I'm not stupid
I knew then
There
That she was so putain belle
And she would never be mine
You know what I mean?
But you don't
Because I'm random and make
Weird choices
Like the choice I made
To write this
Why did I do this?
I don't know?!
Maybe I was drunk
You don't know
Or care
So it doesn't matter anyway
No one gets it
Take it as a note
At the end of my day
That I will have no tomorrow
Because she is so putain belle
But she doesn't see me
She sees through me
And is looking
At that putain belle guy
Behind me
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey there, Knight Cailey here with a review.
Happy Review Day!
So, I like that you had a lot of emotion in this, and I could feel the narrator's thoughts and feelings while I read.
I feel like maybe the formatting just got messed up in this piece, since that happens a lot. in YWS poems. But- if it isn't just formatting and you chose to put it this way- I would suggest adding stanza breaks and combining the lines, rather than just one thick column. That makes it easier to read, and it would be good to separate out your ideas and put this into different sections so we can follow along more easily.
Also- a little bit more detail and imagery might be good- although this is also nice the way you have it, so simply and easy to follow.
So yeah, I'm sorry this isn't very helpful, but I'm counting on the three reviews below me being good reviews so that this will just be an added help.
Let me know if you have any questions or need any reviews.
-Knight Cailey
Thank you for the review. Yeah... the formatting did mess up and I have no idea how I managed that but you know. Will bear your comments in mind. XX
I have had so many issues with formatting on this site. it isn't harder to mess it up, trust me.
"Why did I do this?
So, good poem 
I don't know?!
Maybe I was drunk
You don't know
Or care"
I actually do care why you wrote this. The use of exclamation points isn't one I would recommend in a poem like this. However, I applaud you for your randomness. I think this poem would've had better rhythm and would be more organized with different stanzas. Here's a hint, press shift-enter to skip one line instead of two. That way you can have stanzas. I'm curious, why french? I love french, it's a beautiful language, but why french?
"She sees through me
And is looking
At that putain belle guy
Behind me"
I thought these lines were awesome. Honestly, it seems fitting that the putain belle girl would be interested in the putain belle guy. It's also very sad, because the narrator doesn't get the girl
Aww. Thanks for the positive comments.
pssst! shift-enter to only jump down one line instead of two!
Hee-hee. Thanks for the tip.
xx
De rien!
Hello
I just want to say I liked this a lot.
Just a few things..
"And she would never be mine"
There should be a period at the end of this sentence. Actually, there should be periods in quite a few places. It kind of seems to run on and on, and that pushes readers away. Adding periods will add flow and appeal.
"I'm not stupid
I knew then
There
That she was so putain belle
And she would never be mine
You know what I mean?"
This was my favorite part of the poem. But "putain belle," shouldn't it be capitalized?
Anyway, You should feel proud about this. It was done very well. Hope to see more.
Aww thank you.
Yeah, I wasn't sure about the lack of punctuation, but normally my poetry sucks; which makes this a very positive response. I wanted to leave putain belle small caps, because it isn't a name so to speak.
Oh, I see. But you're welcome. Keep this up!
Thank you again. I will. xx
mm. putain is an adjective, of sorts, in this context anyway... actually, it always is. But it's more of an exclamation. In the Gers (a region of France) they literally call it their punctuation. They use it a lot.
BUt yeah. Putain belle... not many French people would say it that way. It's an interesting use of it.
^^
Thank you. I am glad you think so.