Published April 4, 2014
Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
We're all in love
and totally fucked up by it
blinded by it
can't see past it.
And it's causing me problems
late night worrying
and midday quarrels
can't see past it.
Don't be this kid anymore
have your independence
take it all back
see past it.
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
Absolutely true!
great job look forward to reading more from you
I don't know what about it but I am pulled to read more.
The curse is definitely true and yes everyone has it.
once again love it
Hi, Blood! Grey here for a little reviewing!
First off, I just want to say that I really like what you're saying here. On some level, I think most people can relate to it.
Second, I want to agree about the curse. I think it works here. Usually I don't like cursing in poems simply because often their use seems like an unnecessary interruption (though that does depend on the use), but I really like it. Just wanted to say that.
Third (and last), I have one comment for you. I might go back through the poem and add some punctuation; I think it would complement the poem well. For example, I would add a comma after the first and second lines. After "problems", I might put a colon, and after "quarrels", I would put another comma. And lastly, I would put another colon after "anymore" and commas after "independence" and "back". I think the punctuation would help the flow of the piece as it's being read.
Awesome work!
--Grey
Hey Blood! (I don't know what else to call your for a nickname then BISF, and that just sounds weird.)
I can totally get what you are saying here, not personally, but I can see this kind of thing happening with a lot of my friends. It really has caused some of them some major problems but they just can't seem to let go. Your poem here has captured that, and that makes it easy to relate to.
For some reason, I really like those kind of poems. Don't know why, just do.
I'm not really sure if you should have use stanzas or not. I mean, I personally like them but there are just some poems where they don't work. This one is kind of too short to have stanzas so I don't think that it needs any.
I love the ending, where it's like you are slapping these people on the head and telling them to wake up. Also, your use of the curse word was very powerful and added to the......I want to say strength of the poem but I'm not sure if that's the right word.
I just think that it made the poem a bit more strong and powerful.
Anyways, great job! I like this.
~Teen
Hey there @BloodinkSeesFootage ! Little Niraco here with a review of your neat little poem today!
Now the curse word actually hooked me. As a person who - admittedly - swears more than a lady should, I found this to be a nice touch. However, I don't think people will be as welcoming to the swear as I am. It clashes with the rest of the poem a little but for me it works.
I would say that separating this into stanzas would make it a lot better. It would flow much more easier.
I also love the repetition of 'see past it'. It really linked up to the title very well.
What I would perhaps say is th word choice is a little lacking. I would have liked to have seen some more varied language.
All in all I enjoyed. Happy writing!