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E - Everyone

Down. Chapter 1

by RemerMiguele

Chapter 1

It’s darkness. Lonely and scary. Even at night, there is more light in the room than here.

I know this place. It is different. Light or dark. I love it when a light. When it's dark, I'm afraid. My friend too. It comes only when it the light. Darkness frightens him. It is cold. It is hiding something scary.


I hear him. He is near of me. He jumps. I do not breathe. I'm waiting.

Many times I saw him appearing. Straight from the air. He jumps, bouncing off air. My friend doesn’t has shadow. Everyone has, but he does not.

I want to get him. I'm running. I pull. But nothing works out for me. I know: someday I will succeed. Then everything will change. But now it is not the time. I will feel when the time comes.

Push - and everything disappeared. We arrived. The elevator stopped. My friend disappeared.

I do not like elevators. Its are stuffy. Its keep people's feelings. Good and bad. Any. And I feel it well.

Here someone scribbled on the wall. I do not understand the meaning. But I don't need it. I just feel: the one who did it felt bad. See how deep are the scratches on the wall! Here is a chewing gum. It stuck just for fun. Trail of spitting. Someone angry left it here. It scares. Bright sticker. Someone had nothing to do. Someone was bored.

- Look, Kostya, today is a good day, - I hear the voice of my mom. - The sun came out! Rays all warmed up. Why does the sun have spiky rays? - she laughs.

The day is really good. The first really warm and sunny. The first of this spring. This means that everybody will smile.

I love to see smiles much! This means that the everything is well and people are happy. Winter is bad time. Everybody is running somewhere. Everyone is looking down. Irritated. Gloomy. Angry. And it is really good that everybody hide their eyes. From the views of those who do not look at their feet I feel bad. These days I’m looking only at snow. Or spend time with my friend. It is much better than to look at the passers-by. Why do I need to know that everything around is bad?

But when everyone smiles a weather became sunny.

Sunny day! A good day! On such days, I remember one game. Neighborhood kids stand up in a circle. They throw a ball to each other. The one who is in the center tries to catch it. All the others - do not let him to do it. I feel sorry for this ginger boy. A little bit. I feel that everyone likes this game. Even the boy who runs for the ball. It's just that he is in a circle, and the others are - not. But here, one of the guys is wrong. The ball was caught by red one. Game continues till the next mistake. And – the next. Now, a slim girl are funny chasing for bright orange ball.

Everyone have fun, I feel it! Everyone is laughing. I feel good too! True! I am happy with the guys.

Then I discovered a secret: these balls give the greatest joy! And yet; everything will be changed when you will catch yellow ball.

I understood that I also want to take part in the game. I wanted them to accept me into their game! I also wanted to catch this ball! I rushed to the guys. I tried to grab the ball. For some reason they all got scared of me. Not for long by true. They understood that I just want to play. They realized that now none of them would have to catch the ball - just throw. I would catch it.

Guys started to throw the ball to each other. Someone was catching one and showing it to me. I ran to him. But he was already throwing him on. It was the greatest joy in my life! True! I was full of laughter! I ran from the one player to another. I tried to catch the ball, but nothing came of it. The guys liked this game too. They shouted something and laughed out loudly.

But the final was bad. Guys tried to deceive me. That red-haired boy just pretended than thrown the ball. But it was not true! In fact, he hided it behind his back. Bu I did not understand it at the moment.

I stood in the center of the circle. I looked at the guys. They had fun, but I felt that something was wrong. It was very different from used to be before. Then the guys were good. They just enjoyed the game. But now - not! They became bad. They became evil.

- Where is your ball, Down? - they laughed.

- Come and play with us, Down!

- Down, look for the ball!

- Down-doggie. Find the ball!

They shouted to me. I was scared.

- Come on, Daun, did you fall asleep?

- Down, Down, where is your smile?

- Stupid Down lost his ball!

I wondered why I was stupid. And I am – not Down! I am Kostya! Kostya! And I did not understood how it is possible for guys to change so much in a second? Why did they become bad suddenly? Perhaps this is because I lost the ball. I looked at the guys. And yes, I saw a ball! It was behind the redheaded back. He just hided it! Great! Now I'd give it to children, and we'd continued to play again! Now the red-haired boy will give the ball!

I ran to him and tried to grab the ball. But this was not fun guys. On the contrary, they were frightened. Especially red. He just threw the ball away, ran a few steps away from me and burst into tears.

The ball jumped to the sandbox. I wasn’t hard to catch him. I was having fun again. I ran back to the crying boy.

- I want to play again! It was so great! I want more! - I shouted to him, but he did not understand.

- Down picked my ball! - the redheaded roared.

- Not true! - I tried to explain. - We played, and the ball rolled. And I caught it. Here he is! Let's play on!

But nothing helped.

- You can not leave such a child unattended! - shouted one of the moms to my mom. – Look at this, he scared our children!

- It is needed a special care for such child, especially at his age, - another one ran up and shouted also.

- He is so big, but offends little children!

- Soon it will be scary to let the children out of the houses!

These women took mom into the circle. Everyone wanted to say something. I often saw this in the yard. Many dogs gathered in band. They, probably, were bored. Perhaps that is why they began to bark at someone. Often - to another dog. I always felt sorry for that one. She pressed her tail and started to run away. All the others chased her. Then I thought that Mom would run away too. Or would try to say something back. But she just took my hand and silently led me to the next bench. The rest went away silently. Probably, they were ashamed.

The game was over. Mom took me away from other children.

- I want to play! I had fun! - I tried to explain to her. - Why are you taking me out? - but mom did not listen. She shook me off and led me to another courtyard. But why? It was so great! Even the guys searched me for a long time and called: “Down! Down!”. Probably they also liked this game.

Mom gifted me the same ball soon. Looked like that one! But it was not the same. I understood soon: that ball brought joy. But my one - no. Only mom really plays with me. She throws it at me, and I catch it. Sometimes mom hides it behind her back, and I guess what hand he is in. She comes up with new and new games. She is happy with me. Dad - no. He is not interested. He sits down on a bench and throws it to me. He is waiting for me to bring him the ball. He takes it and throws it to the ground again. He doesn't like to play ball. He likes to talk about work.

From time to time Serge plays with me too. He throws the ball on the ground and kicks it. I try to catch him, but Serge does not allow me to do it. He outplays me. He moves the ball from under my nose. I'm having fun also with this game. But with mom – much more. I am always ready to play with her. With Serge - no. I quickly get tired of chasing the ball. Because of Serge overplays me in any case.

Then I imagined my own ball. The mine only. He is only friend of mine. He always appears when I'm boring. When loneliness comes to me. He appears and jumps somewhere. And I'm trying to catch him. This is the our game. And we do not need anymore. We feels well with him in this game. I’m trying to get him. He is jumping to somewhere far, far away. But I know: someday I will catch him. Then everything will be changed. But not now. A little bit later.

Probably, my ball has its own invisible Master. A person who decides when the time is right. The Lord of the Orange Ball.

But yes, I’m very sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Kostya. I have a mom, dad and the brother Sergei. I am the same as you. Exactly the same! But everyone, except my parents, call me Down. But why? My name is Kostya. Konstantin. But I’m a Down, and no one takes me to it’s games... When people feel the loneliness, they start playing games. But why, when I'm lonely, nobody takes me to the funs? Only my mom plays with me! Something is wrong with everyone probably.

Mom and I went out into the yard. I like walking! I like to look at passers-by. They seem to me curious, even a little bit strange. Why? Just because they all doing the same thing every time.

I know what thing everybody will do when will see me. At first he will look at me. Turn his head and slightly slow down his running. Then look at my mom. Then sharply turn away and run again. He will pretend that did not see me. Or that he did it by chance. But I feel that this is false! Probably everyone is confused by the fact that I look like different from they are. But it is not true!

- I'm here! I want to play! Play with me. Why are you pretending that I am absent? I am here! And you see it! - I'm trying to call passersby. - I'm the same as you are. See, I have two arms and two legs. What else do I need to play with you?

But all - for nothing! No one of them does not respond. Everybody prefers to continue pretending. Perhaps this is some kind of rite. The Rite of Adults.

Once upon a time it was a TV show about the strange people. They walked in straw skirts. They lived in the jungle. They obeyed the rites - mandatory actions, the meaning of which is incomprehensible. Since then, all the oddities of adults I started to call Rites. Do not notice me is the Rite. Do not answer also is the Rite. Do not take in the game - the Rite. Rite, the meaning of which I can not understand.

The only ones who are not averse to frolic with me are the children. They have much more in common with me than in adults. They know how to rejoice and to be kind. Adults don’t. Adults laugh, smile. They pat each other on the shoulders. But they don't care for each other. When mom touches me, I know that she does it for good. When Serge claps me on the shoulders, pulls me on the cheeks, he does it kindly. When dad shakes hands and smiles to another uncle... That's the typical way of doing and not more. I see that it’s just a Rite.

This is the same Rite as dad's TV in the evenings. I love to watch TV. Especially cartoons! I'm ready to watch it all the day. All day, until there is no dad at home. At evenings he returns from work and proceeds to his Rite. First, he takes a dinner and tells mom about his work. Then starts watching news. Or evil movies. Films about bad people. He likes these kinds of pictures. When in the TV something burns, collapses, breaks, it means that dad will fall asleep. If cartoons, he will look for his pictures. He will be calm only when he find it. And I do not watch these movies and pictures. Its are bad. And yet, after its it is very difficult to fall asleep.


Kostya is a nice boy. He is so kind and gentle. And – he also can feel something what we cannot. We are - normal people, but Kostya is - not. Although what is a normal person? Often, very often I ask myself about. The answer seems simple, but when I look at my son, I begin to doubt. Kostya is the only person who never pretends. He is the only one who does no evil. Kostya, in the end, the only one who truly enjoys life! He does everything that we, normal can not afford. But we are normal, and he is - not. At least this is what everyone around thinks.

I remember the day of Kostya borning. Three and a half years after Serge. We never doubted even for a second that it would be a boy. Even his name was invented long before his birth. Konstantine - strong, self-confident, reliable.

We slept and dreamed of a sturdy, pink-cheeked, smiling little tot. And also, the crowd of grandchildren and granddaughters, which are going to be gifted us by two of our sons. Boris dreamed about two boys. He did not even think that a girl could be born.

All the family was preparing for the birth of her second child: diapers, strollers and old rattles were checked. We argued for a long time: whether or not this or that Serge shirt suits Konstantin, what tales to read for him at night, what garden to define. In general, even before his birth, Konstantin became the favorite of all the family members, including grandmothers and Serge, who was waiting for he would have a brother.

I do not remember how the childbirth went. This moment was did not kept in my memory. I only remember how an elderly sister happily told me:

-You have a boy, beautiful! Boy!

And I remember clearly how I waited for my husband appearing. Weight - 2900, height 48. God knows why, but I wanted to stun him right at the door with that figures.

I remember this feeling of lightness and pride: for myself, for Kostya, for my husband and Serge. We did it! We have succeeded!

It was amazing how fast the news were spread around! This was when no one knew anything about cellphones! The next day, we were visited by whole the army of grandparents and other relatives of our family.

These endless half-asleep days before discharge are forever imprinted in my memory. These endless and meaningless conversations with neighbors in the ward. These feedings are every three hours... But there were several days filled with happiness. Happiness of waiting.

And then the nightmare began. So many times I tried to erase the next few days from memory. Wasted work! Its just became more sharp and painful. Two weeks of fear, vague hints of doctors, endless conversations with her husband, cowardice of others, and complete confusion. We were left alone in this world: me, Kostya and my mother.

Later in the official documents will appear short records about the twisted little fingers, the Mongoloid cut of the eyes and much more stupid issues. In the certificate it will all be called impersonal - formally - deviations. In life, it is called short and scary word - daunism.

It seemed the whole world turned against us that time! All the relatives around have become such strangers! They all though that leaving the boy in the family was the greatest evil of all that was possible! Everyone, even my husband was against of it! But, no one said anything looking directly in my eyes. Just somehow casually hided words… Fnd this was the worst thing. All conversations started in the same way:

- What do you think, maybe it would be better for all of us..?

Since then, I hate that word: "We are all". “We all” means “no one.” “We all decided, we all advise, we all experience”... None of them had the courage to say: “I decided, I advise, my advice”. Everyone spoke for everyone. Everyone threw to my back stones hiding among a crowd.

- We are very worried about you.

- We are thinking about it.

- We are very sorry…

What do you know about what I had to go through? Underpants! Very thanks to doctors and my mother - the only people who supported me. Without their help, I would be broken soon.

I was surprise by the determination of my mother: in the very first days, she find somewhere a bunch of volumes of medical encyclopedias, reference books and other things. She spent all the days in endless consultations with doctors. She got fruits and vegetables! Just think how much courage and determination she had! And this at the time, when all the rest cowardly offered to give Kostya to the orphanage! Scary to remember!

And now I’m looking at him as he fiddles with the kids in the sandbox and am happy. I gave life to new person. Kind, sensitive and responsive. And also - I envy Kostya a little. No matter how many years he passes, he will always be a child with a pure and untainted soul.


Today there are many children on the site. Under the supervision of fathers and mothers, they build their fortresses and castles. Slap on the bottom of plastic buckets, make a pyramid. I feel comfortable with them. For children, I’m one of them. I join the guys. Mom sits on one of the empty benches. But why does she always sit apart from everyone? It always seemed to me that being alone is very pity. Much nicer to play with the same as you. But mother is always alone. Always. It looks she specially chooses one of the empty benches. For me it is strange. Why alone, if you can play with the same moms as she herself? Probably loneliness makes she calmer. I feel it. I think she is playing with her own yellow ball.

Playing in the sandbox with children is much more interesting than looking at others. I forget about everything. I join in the fun.

We’ve almost finished building the castle - I’m a small girl. We were already making a wall when someone had hit me from behind. I turned around. Right behind me stood a little boy. In his hands he had a small metal bucket.

-It’s my one! - He cried, and hit me again with his bucket.

-No it's mine! - I shouted in response to him.

-Give it! - he hit me again with a bucket.

-I'll not give it! - I yelled back.

- Give it! - again he swung at me with his bucket.

In response, I pushed him away from me. The boy took two steps back and plopped down in the sand. Barely landing, he burst into tears loudly. Our moms ran up almost immediately: mine and that boy. They vividly dragged us from each other.

-You are so big boy, but fight with small ones! - my mom shook her head.

-But he first started! - I tried to explain.

-And why you start quarreling? Tell me, please, what did you miss? - she asked wearily.

-He first started. He hit me with a bucket! - from insult I even caught my breath. - I want to sandbox! Mom, there was so much fun! - I try to explain to her.

-You are already an adult boy. You will soon be eighteen years old, but you are fighting with kids! - Mom did not want to listen. - How can I let to the sandbox after it?

-I will not be anymore! - I burst into tears in response. - I want to play with the children! I had fun!

-Well, well, well, - mom agrees. – OK. I will allow you to play. But this is the last time.

I was let in the sandbox again! I return to the construction of the castle again. The boy also wants to play. He stands a few steps towards us. I have not yet decided whether to let him go in our game or not. What if he will knock me again? He look at us several seconds, then he just comes up and joins the game. Our castle is getting bigger and bigger. Now he has a real fortress wall with a gate! We have three of us fun! We laugh together! One of the towers collapses. So what? We will make a new, a thousand times more beautiful and stronger!

* * *

The walk is over. We are coming back home. As usual, mom redeems me and puts into the bed. She will do her homework. However, today everything will be different. I don't know why, but I feel it.

When I was taken out of the bath, Serge was already at home. Strange. He usually appears when it gets dark. Having a dinner and run away somewhere. Sometimes, very rarely, it goes to bed. When I wake up in the morning, he's gone. But today everything is different. Serge is at home, so Mom is going to leave somewhere. Strange, she usually takes me with her. She is almost always fun, but not this time. I feel that something is disturbing her. Something does not give her peace of mind. She has to go alone today and she’s leaving.


I hate sitting at home with my brother! Absolutely time wasting! Neither watch TV nor play games, not make homework. Kostya will not allow. Why he is not able to understand that people can not carry about him only?! They have own troubles and businesses. Some issues which are more important than his games. Mom is spending all her time with him, but this is useless! OK, I understand: the son and all the deals. But sometimes she could do something for her own. And for Kostya… Would hire a nanny! But it would be too easy! Instead of it I must be called from the university! Of course I have no other issues as carrying about the ill brother! Of course I will come. Of course I will be a kind of damned nurse for him! Her Majesty Konstantine is a favorite, even though he is Down. So, Serge needs to drop everything and ran home for playing with her Majesty. The bullshit!

I turn on the computer and start playing, just to relax. Anyway, he will not allow me to do something serious; homework or diploma. He wants to play! Just imagine: in his yellow ball. When the mother will come, she will be playing with you and your damned favorite ball. And it is useless issue to ask me play with you! I will not wasting my time! I do not want!

Thanks God, Olga is going to visit me. We are familiar for a long time; from the first course. But really started dating about three months ago. She was little surprised why I did not invite her home till now. She would like to be introduced to my parents. And I would like to be with her alone and yhe flat for it – the best solution you are able to imagine. But how to invite when the down brother is here! But today she insisted on. OK! Let it be so. Together will be more fun. And Kostya... If will disturb us, will be locked up in the room!

However, my irritation goes away as quickly disappears. It was funny just watching Kostya. I do not know why, but I can’t get angry at him for a long time. He is really funny, despite of down. And yet - strange. OK, OK, brother, drag your favorite orange ball! We will play it together.


Mom was gone. Before that, she had long considered her fat-thick notebook. Various things fall out of it: leaves, some gray-white pictures. I wonder what it is. I'm trying to grab them from the floor and have a game, but the same moment Serge pull me aside. Another time I would start screaming, but not now. I just feel that this is very important. And I see how my mother hurriedly collects everything from the floor and puts it in its place back.

I have exactly the same notebook. It is always with us when my mother and I go to the hospital. Mom always gives it to some uncle in a white coat. He flips through the pages each time.

-Well, well, well. How are you, hero? - he performs his usual Rite.

Uncle wants to fool my mom. He wants her to think that he is really interested in how we are doing. He smiles. He looks at me, then at my mom. Nods his head importantly. Writes something in my book. But what does he write? I saw it. Watched every page. There is nothing understandable. Even the pictures are some extremely strange.

The Rite will be ended as usual. Uncle patted my head and smiled to my mother. But not by real. As always. Because this is the Rite. As always, mom will smile back and look at me. Uncle gets his goal - mom believes him. But not I am. I'm afraid of him. I am afraid of this uncle and his Rite.

Mom tells him something, and he nods his head. I do not like him. He only pretends. In fact, he is not so good as he wants to be seems. He is just tired bearded man who doesn’t care what my mother says. He just clumps something on a piece of paper and lets us go home. But that kind of final is good! Sometimes he sends us to other rooms. Uncles in white coats hurt my fingers there or stick needles in my ass. Sometimes it does not hurt, but more often it hurts a lot! And once, I was closed in a tiny cabin. I was left alone. The booth began to move, and I was scared. I burst into tears. Mom, along with an elderly aunt had to calm me for a long, long time.

-How is it possible to be so afraid of fluorography? – smiles aunt. - This is not scary at all. Not a bit! Even I am not afraid. But I am so small. And you're so big and you are afraid! - she told to me. She was really sorry for me. I felt it. And I also felt that she was even more sorry for mom.

I do not like this place. Here everything is not real. Aunties and uncles just pretend that they feel sorry for me and my mom. In fact, they are curious. They look at me and my mom with caution. I feel: they do not feel comfortable when we are coming into their offices.


I always say: let the professionals do their jobs. Only professionals and no one else. So why should we call Sergei from the university to sit with Kostya while Julia is in the hospital? What the fucking real reason for it? Why didn’t get him to the nursery at the hospital? He will be in good hands of the professionals till Julia passes through the needed procedures! There are many toys, books and other fucking issues. If it is need I will hire a nurse. But no. No. We calls Sergey!

Nowadays Sergey is a student. That is the most important issue in his life now. Studying, studying and studying. Everything else is a rubbish. Sergey is a future professional. He must to be. Nothing is as annoying as a son, sitting at home during school hours. Now is the time to hardworking! If lose this time, will waste the time at the fucking bottom instead of making the great career from the adult’s life! I always tall to my son: “Serge, get the diploma, get working experience. Now is hard time. But later it will be even harder. Right now is qualification, please, get the pole-position. Do not break my hart and do not be a looser”

And so what? Excuse me, my son is being withdrawn from the university, just for sitting with his brother, Dawn. What the Hell?! Today I will discuss it with Julia.


I feel that something was happened. But what? I can not understand. Before, I spent most of the day with mom. In the street, in the kitchen, in the hall, in the hospital. She never left me alone for so long. But now something has changed, and the uncle in the white coat is to blame for this.

It was he who gave my mom some paper that day.

-I strongly recommend on a full course of examination. Strongly. Do not delay, - mom sadly smiled in response. And he seemed not to notice. He wanted to show how important he is. He continued. - It can be very serious. I repeat, very serious! Son can be left in the nursery. Some kinds there are in the playing room waiting for the parents. Kostya will be fine with them. Believe me, please.

I was led into a room. Wonderful room! There were so many toys at this place! Ladders, balls, baskets and many, many interesting things! There was even a small railway with a train! Exactly like real, only very small! Several guys and girls were there!

-What is our name? - the gray-haired grandmother gently addressed me.

-Kostya, - mom answers.

-Get acquainted, ms.Yulia she is our nurse. Her name is ms.Sofya. She will look after Kostya while you are going through the procedures, - the bearded uncle said.

-Don't worry, Kostya will enjoy here, - the nurse smiled to mom kindly. - Come on, Kostya, I will introduce you to the other guys, - she led me by the hand to the children playing on the floor. And my mom at this time was taken to one of these awful rooms. Maybe somebody will hurt her. I felt sorry for my mom. She will be pounded with these nasty needles as me! But she did not resist. She went herself with this uncle.

Since then, I got some new friends. Slava is a boy who is carried in a wheelchair everywhere. He can not move himself. All he can do is smile from time to time. Katya, red-haired girl. She is like a Pippi Longstocking. My mother read me this tale recently. I like Peppy. She is funny and noisy. Katya is like her! But she can not speak at the language understandable for adults. The same as me. But we do not need any words! We fell well when we are together. We clearly understand each other without any words.

Sometimes I do not understand why do people need words. It is really enough to feel the good mood of your neighbour. You feel it and also feel yourself well. It is possible to speak some kinds of untrue by words. By feelings - no. But adults prefer to speak by words. Probably, it is very important for them that no one knows what they really feel.

We spend time in games all the time while our mothers walk around the cabinets. So great! Finally, mothers of Slava and Katie appear one after another. They take my friends and I stay alone. I sit on the floor and close my eyes. At that till the moment, when the terrible dark room will appears. But I know that this is not for long. Soon my bright yellow ball will be appeared. And he is friend of mine. He will all ride somewhere, and I will try to caught him.

-Kostya is very calm child. Just a miracle, how quiet he is, - the nannies voice wakes me up.

-Unbelievable. He is very mobile and noisy in real. Probably, he was simply frightened by the change of environment, - mother talked with the nurse.

-It happened from time to time. By the next time, I think he will get used to this place, - the nanny smiles tenderly and strokes my head. - Just a miracle, what a good boy!

I feel that she is telling the truth. She does not pity me. She does not pity mom. Though she is an adult, she says what she feels really. The is something attractive in this good granny.

-When will you come next time? - she is asking.

-Tomorrow, - mom smiles tensely.

The nanny feels that mom is worried about something.

-Don't worry, honey, - she smiles. - Everything will be fine.

-Thank you, - for the first time mother really smiles in response.

After that, my mother seemed to be replaced. She began to smile less often. More often sigh tiredly. She started to go out for a long time and leave me alone. Sometimes Olya came to us. She is Serge’s girl. He said it sometimes: “Olya is my girlfriend”. But how it is possible? Can one person to be belong someone's? As is the portfolio? I do not understand this.

Olya is very good. She is always ready to play with me. Not that Serge. Serge does not like this. Extremelly. But Olya is very brisk. She every time persuades Serge, and we play three of us.

Sometimes mom takes me to the hospital. At first I was afraid. If she will lead me to that bearded uncle again? But no. Mom went somewhere, and I stayed in a room with toys. Sometimes met with my friends. But games did not enjoy me now.

During our walks we began to visit the pharmacy often. There, my mom buys some colored boxes and bubbles. Dad began to ask my mom about something for a long time in the evenings, And then she decided to leave us for a week. She is probably tired and wants to rest. Probably she was tired of this bearded uncle.


-Every fucking day it is an another bad new! Julia must go to hospital, but she decided to go to the sea. The rest it is necessary! Are you tired of sitting with Down? Every day! From the one damned day to another day. No offices, no stupid bosses and colleagues! Well, you do not think about others! About yourself, even bother! – I repeated it during me way from work to home. It was going to be an extremely serious damned discussion, but…

But the news I heard this time was a really like an iced shower! I even forgot to think about all the words and arguments I provided earlier. Of course Serge will carry about Konstantin and sit at home. Of course I will decide all the issues at my work and, maybe will go with you. She really needs a rest. Even for some days! Thanks the God doctor gives not bad chances. She will… Thank the God, thank the God. But how is it possible?


- Mom will fly away for seven days. She is tired and she needs to rest, - dad announced till we have a dinner. I see that he does not want mom to leave. Does not want at all. But why? I do not understand.

Dad always says that rest is necessary. And than it is extremely necessary to rest well. Otherwise, he will not have enough courage for working. He himself rests frequently. Much more often than mom. He takes Serge with him and leaves somewhere. They are both tanned and contented. They bring different sweets, gifts for mom, photos. I love to look at the pictures! Especially those where there is no neither Serge nor dad. I don't like its ones. These pictures are for the Rite. Its are absolutely the same. I like photos where there are sea, sand and mountains only. But dad does not like that kind of pictures. He considers that somebody should be at photo. With smile, food, monkey or something else.

I like when somebody tells me about the mountains. I close my eyes and imagine its! The mountains for me are something... Such that I cannot explain. It always seems to me that they hide something amazing. It needs only to climb to the peak... It needs only to want really! If you really do it, the mountains will reveal their secrets. Or maybe you just need to know the place and the magic words. If you know, the caves will reveal all their secrets to you also.

Mom reads me many tales. About cave of treasures. About gnomes, trolls and rogues. They all live in the mountains. They hide their treasures from people. And yet, those who they do not like, turn into toys. Toys that stand in the treasury of the Chief Gnome. But I'm not scared. Mom reads me many tales. I know that gnomes are afraid of chicken eggs. I now it from the tale about the Oz wonderland.

Every time I expect when Dad and Serge will come back home. I hope that they will tell us about the mountains. But they do not like to talk about the mountains. Even if they were lived near its. They talk about the hotel, restaurants and prices. Sometimes, about the sea. And about the mountains - never. They don't even go up. Probably just afraid. They are afraid of gnomes. Dad and Serge are afraid that they will be turned into toys. If they would read me fairy tales, they would know what the leprechaun are afraid of. Then they would definitely climb on one of the mountains!

Mom does not go anywhere. Absolutely. Only with us on the New Year and only for little time. This is not fair! Why should mom always stay at home? She wants to rest too. All must rest. Dad said it himself! Why is he so unhappy now?

Mom is also sad. I do not understand why. Dad and Serge are always joyful before its trips. And mom too. But this time - no.

-Look, Kostya, I will live in this hotel, - mom showed a photo. - He is very close to the sea. I'll swim in the sea and have sunbathe. And also, there are mountains nearby. Its are very high. I know you love mountains. I will definitely rise to the highest for taking a photo, - Mom tells me.

Now I understand everything! Dad is just afraid! He is afraid for mom. What will happens if mom meet gnome. What if they will catch mom to its dungeon? But this will not happen. Mom reads fairy tales. She knows everything about trolls and gnomes. Mom knows what they are afraid of. She won't let herself be dragged away. And also, she will definitely bring me a photo of the mountains!

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44 Reviews

Points: 2965
Reviews: 44

Tue Jan 29, 2019 3:27 am
jster02 wrote a review...

I haven't read a piece like this in quite some time, but I quite like them. The changing perspectives remind me of Wonder by R. J. Palacio. I almost feel bad about writing a review on this, because of it's innocence or rather, because of Kostya's innocence. That innocence has got to be my favorite part of their character and of this whole story. I like how you didn't tell us what was going on with Mom so that we would have the same perspective as Kostya regarding the matter.

Normally when I review a piece with a lot of grammatical errors I tell the writer to fix them. But in this story the mistakes feel almost like a natural part of the story, as if they are meant to be there. When Koystia talks, the "mistakes" only enhances his innocence. The errors make sense because they are being made by a very childlike individual. Now, I still think you ought to proofread so you can eliminate any possible confusion, but maybe leave some of the awkwardness when Koystia is talking.

Maybe awkwardness isn't the right word. This story flows really well, in fact, it feels almost poetic at times, though I can't quite figure out why. But the way the sentences are written is sometimes unconventional. (That's the word I'm looking for). They're structured differently that I might have expected, but in such a way that they sound almost better than they would the "normal" way. But then, I guess that's the point. It fit's with the theme of accepting variety; the theme of differences not being so bad.

We humans have this nasty habit of fearing what's different. This story makes me want to change that about myself. It makes me want to show it to others, so they'll want to change that about themselves as well. This review was certainly different for me. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

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98 Reviews

Points: 4255
Reviews: 98

Sun Dec 30, 2018 12:00 am
trashykawa wrote a review...

This does things to my heart, this sooo beautiful.

First, I must tell you what you have achieved here. Normally, I have very little patience and if the story or chapter can't grab my attention, i usually leave it in the middle. Also, when the work is long with crammed paragraphs, i find that i lose my interest. But this work is easily the longest of works I have read in The YWS (though i've literally been here for like, a week), and i still stuck with your novel till the end - it was THAT amazing.

I love your character development. You clearly have a talent for expressing emotions and personality; i can guess pretty well the type of person each of your characters is. Down's character is an amazing one; i have to give you points for originality. I love how you show that different is not bad, how the definition of normal changes from person to person. I love how Kotsya's speech reflects his brain-development and mental-diagnosis (I apologize if you find my terminology rude, i can think of no better, or let's say, kinder words). I also love how you express the different personalities of the society; their discrimination, stereotypes, there fear of the unknown and shunning of what they cannot understand, which was present in this world from time immemorial and will probably still be prevalent in the future. Also, the skill with which you show us the devotion and love of a mother towards her child is brilliant {not to mention how nicely you've showed us dad's and sergei's(sergey's) personality}.

Usually I'm very particular and harsh ( that is, i highly disapprove of ) regarding grammar errors, spelling errors and poorly done proofreads. However, the way you wrote this made me overlook a lot of errors such as these; and i felt forgiving of any of the grammatical mistakes i came across (which does not happen very often).

However, you might want to correct some of the mistakes that occur that are a spotlight when a reader is going through your work. Here are some examples:

"I love it when a light" so according to the context, this should've been: when 'it is' light.

'He is near of me' becomes: he is near 'to' me, or 'he is nearing me'

"My friend doesn’t has shadow" is more correctly written as: 'My friend doesn't HAVE a shadow"

"Its are stuffy" should be: 'it is stuffy' or 'they are stuffy'.

And there's this one line that i can't quite make sense of, that is,:
"Now, a slim girl are funny chasing for bright orange ball."

There are some more, but i don't want to make this too long :)

So usually, when you are writing something as long as you have written, it is a better idea to go through your work after every two to three paragraphs and check that your subject-verb agreement is satisfied, there are no typos or missed/repeated words, that your grammar is correct, and whether your spellings are correct (bleh, i sound like my english teacher).

Don't take my criticism to heart, because it is really NOT what i'm trying to do, obviously. I love whatever you've done here, and i look forward to the next chapter.

And oh, a small note: i notice that you've labelled this as 'lyrics' though this felt like a novel or short story to me. (was that intentional or something?)


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162 Reviews

Points: 4265
Reviews: 162

Fri Dec 28, 2018 4:57 pm
FireSpyGirl says...

One of the most beautiful pieces of work I have ever read!

I was never insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.
— Edgar Allan Poe