Published June 30, 2010
“Hi Mona,” I greet her cheerfully as I walk into the common room. She glances up from the book she’s reading, her blue eyes wide with excitement.
“Hey…” She whispers, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Last night was…” I trail off, sitting next to her on the tweedy couch.
“It was… fun. I like you a lot, Isabelle."
I freeze. No one has said that to me in so long. It’s always been “I hate you” and “Go crawl in a hole and die. You’re worthless”. Someone actually cares.
“I like you too…” I mouth, entwining my fingers with her.
She shakes my hand away. “We should keep things private for now.”
“Yes… good idea,” I agree.
“Well… I’ve got to go.” She kisses me lightly on the cheek before springing from chair.
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It’s been two hours since I met Mona in the common room. Thankfully for us, no one had walked into the common room during our time there.
If someone had, I’d probably be spun into a strait-jacket faster than you could say “crazy”.
The nurse interrupts my thinking. “Isabelle? Miss Keats would like to see you.”
“Why? I don’t have an appointment until tomorrow.” I reply, confused.
“She said something about discussing things with you.”
“About what?” I ask. My palms sweat.
“The new girl, Mona…”
My mouth gapes. Someone had seen us… and tattled on us. Now I was in hot water.
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139,483 Literary Works • 672,576 Reviews
Hello! I'm a new writer and well I thought I'd try my luck at a review. So if this comes off bad, well, then it's not my fault!
Anyway so I'm just going to mention that this is very different. Different to the type of books I read. What really drew me to this was the title, I thought it really gave off a fantasy ring. What I found though, wasn't really kick butt fantasy though. Although, it was still something to make me wonder what will happen to Isabelle (I think I spelt it right).
Grammar/Spelling:
You grammar was actually really good. Though, it was only a short read that I couldn't really see whether you were ace at commas and fullstops. From what I have seen though, you could be an english teacher. Ooh also, your spelling was fine.
This was the one mistake that I found, though. Highlighted in red, the 's' was before, a capital letter. This is wrong because...well I don't actually know why, though everything after the "speach marks", no matter the punctuational ending, should be in lower case. No matter what! Don't worry, I just found that ot a few days ago. And to think I was writing wrong.
Characters:
So far, I've met Mona and Isabelle. Two very unique characters that don't follow a cliche pattern. To me, Isabelle takes on the manly role in this relationship. Even from the start she struck me as less feminine person. I don't know if you were going for this, but that is what I got. If you were; congratulations, if you weren't; your going to have to work on her a bit. Mona, though, was the opposite. Now she was the feminine character! Now I possitively know that you were going for that because of the hair flicking and such.
Overall: I don't really know much about this because I haven't read the other aditions. From what I've read so far, she's a lesbian in a boarding school...or a school, anyway. I think I'm right. I haven't really any pointers for you but to make it more longer. Your posts are very short and only widened with spaces to elevate the sizes an inch. This is really good and I'd like to see more.
PS. I hope I did the review right.