Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Half an hour later, Mom and I are sitting at the kitchen table; she’s on one end and I’m on the other. She smiles at me over the acres of tablecloth.

She slices her chicken into strips and keeps glancing at the pager, which is sitting next to her napkin.

Maybe she’ll drop some water on it. Then it’d stop working.

“How was your day, Mom?” I ask through a mouthful of chicken.

“Okay. I had to perform emergency surgery on a woman who ate cheeseburgers for the past twenty-five years.” She shakes her head.

“Will she make it?”

“I doubt it. She was a mess. Her blood sugar was awful and her heart rate was through the roof.” She explains.

Well the cheeseburger thing is an oddly specific detail to mention there.Things are certainly off to a very intriguing start on that particular count here with how we seem to be in the middle of what seems like its very likely to be some sort of awkward family meal of some sort. At any rate, I'd say there is enough going on that I do find myself getting interested in this piece here.

My mom is a cardio surgeon. She spends her days performing surgeries on people who’d die without major surgery.

“Okay. I’m done. Can I go now?” I stuff some vegetables into my mouth and get up from the table.

She nods absentmindedly.

I sprint for the bathroom. I lean over the toilet and stick my finger down my throat. The cesspool empties and I flush the mess out of sight.

I gargle with some mouthwash and rinse my wrist with cold water before leaving the bathroom.

No need to terrify Mom yet.

Oh wow, this took a completely different turn from where I was expecting it to go. It seems as if we've got a pretty normal family situation here, with a caring if a bit busy mother but our protagonist here is clearly suffering through some rather dark times here, and a dark side that they seem to be trying to hide from their mother. Well, things just got a bit more interesting here.

Once I’m in my room, there’s no way that I can hide in the shadows. They reach through my chest and twist around my heart.

Cutting will take care of this, you know. They whisper. The empty words explode through my skull. Or… you could go eat some more food.

No. I am not eating anything else. I cannot eat any more.

But Hannah, your hungry. Stop. It. I’m not hungry.

I’m empty, clean and strong inside. Eating won’t help me get skinny but cutting can help alleviate the pain.

I stare out my bedroom window. The sky is darkening and the sun is disappearing behind the hills.

The night is worse than the day for me, because in the night time I can’t escape from the darkness.

And that was quite a powerful ending right there as things escalate one step even further and it seems this person is simply trying to process a lot of terrible things at once and finds themselves resorting to things like this.At any rate, I think you've managed to create a rather powerful and intriguing opening scene here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry