I’m sitting down.
The room I'm in is quiet.
The only sound I can hear is from my breathing.
I’m somewhat convinced I can hear my own heartbeat.
There’s nothing in this room besides me, and the chair I'm sitting on.
The chair is metal, and steady.
It feels cold. But I can’t feel a breeze so there’s no air blowing.
As far as I can tell.
To describe the room to you, I would say it’s similar to a.. Uhm..
Yes, a holding cell.
But instead of bars, the walls are concrete.
As well as one metal door directly in front of me.
The door is large, and bright.. no, shiny.
I can’t remember how I got here.
This room I mean.
Nor can I remember where here is.
My name is..
Henry.
I am 22 years old.
I don’t know what’s happening to me.
It feels like my memories are.. Fading.
It’s like a hole in my head.
Like my thoughts are fading away into an abyss that I can’t see.
I can feel them slowing down.
I can feel certain.. uhm..
Certain words.. disappearing.
What was I saying?
Oh Yes..
My name is Henry.
I am.. 23, no- 22 years old.
I don’t know how I got here, nor where here is.
It’s cold. I can feel a.. feel.. Emptiness.
Like I have to hold onto my thoughts for my life.
It’s a feeling I can’t place.
A feeling. I feel like..
My name is..Hn..hen… I don’t know.
I can’t remember.
I can't..
My name..
There’s nothing.
But a hole.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
This reminds me of two sentence horror stories, it's a very cool idea. A few things i would change is perhaps how spaced out it is and the wording. I hope you don't stop writing, you have a lot of room for growth. I would say sounding out some words in your head to see how they sound together, or taking a break and coming back to it later to see if there's anything you want to change.
Have a great rest of your day/night!
This story is amazing
I can picture the story like a little movie in my head
There are only a few changes I suggest making.
-Deleting words
line 2 *im in*
line 3 *from*
line 4 *own*
line 5 (replace BESIDES with OTHER THAN)
line 32 Add the word AN before EMPTINESS
Other than that this story is perfect
great work
Never stop writing
-O.W
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
Well this is quite the start here. Looks like we have ourselves quite the existential horror going on right there from the looks of things. Things are very questionable there from the surroundings. I love the way that comes together here. It wonderful subtle at the start, almost mistakable for a slightly odd but normal enough description but then we dip into the room description and the mental feelings and ahh you describe those emotions really well there showing right away that something is very very wrong here.
And there comes all that pain to the fore, the moment there was a small struggle I figured but still watching poor Henry lose his memories in real time is an incredible powerful moment regardless here, just things slowly draining away and the panic, the sense of helplessness and sheer inability for anything to be done about it echoes through so powerfully here. I think you've done an incredibly job putting that together there, really bringing to life the struggle and pain that it causes.
Overall it makes for an amazing read I think, really leaves you thinking and terrified and feeling horrified at what happened to poor Henry, the description there is really nicely and you do an excellent job showing the loss of memory! My only qualm with that is that it wasn't longer but honestly even on that front, this is a nice length to keep it impactful and punchy without overstaying its welcome.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
This is really fascinating! It made me wonder what really is happening, and I loved the format of the single lines. It seems like a great idea that suddenly pops into your head at 3 am and I love it! I enjoy your writing styles and would definitely love to see more of your work.
Also, just generally hope you are doing well. I’m free to talk anytime!
This is really fascinating! It made me wonder what really is happening, and I loved the format of the single lines. It seems like a great idea that suddenly pops into your head at 3 am and I love it! I enjoy your writing styles and would definitely love to see more of your work.
Also, just generally hope you are doing well. I’m free to talk anytime!