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I totally meant to/forgot to tag, @goodolnoah and @Leya. Would you guys like to be tagged for future stories in this saga? Updates might be a little far apart and sporadic so there's not much consistency otherwise lol.

First of all, LOVE the style of your chapter. The pictures and the cool font! Also I love the name of the story. I remember my wife playing Eldenring and it looks so beautiful and haunting. Feels like you really captured that essence here!

That said, I feel like the very first sentence could use some work.

the Golden Order was not to be rivaled.

For I have already charted our path. I gleaned all I needed in audience with Marika herself.

Alecto could see the petrified dragon corpse straight ahead of her, slowing down a bit.

This was a sort of marker

beautiful yet masculine

“Father!” he snapped

analyzing the situation to a T.

Enraged and grievous,

Alrighty, it's about that time to drop my review and then disappear for an entire month! Kidding... haha. I was kidding.

Jokes aside, Raven, when you said the words "Eldin Ring" my heart sank because I remember trying to get into the lore a few years back and I just couldn't soak up any information whatsoever. But the plot is really easy to follow from start to finish.

Honestly, I think fanfic writers don't get the credit they deserve. I can hardly imagine how some writers can adopt and explain an already-existing world and make it their own, but you've done it in a way that's not only creative but enjoyable for all the plebs like me. So thank you for that, and good job!

Part of what makes this story so enjoyable isn't just that the plot easy to follow for non-players, but how the characters are described so animatedly described. I especially enjoyed the little dynamic between Alecto and Tiche because they vague remind of Rayla and Callum from The Dragon Prince.

But I think where this writing style really shines through is during the fast-paced moments and fights, especially near the climax when Alecto, Tiche and Leik were desperately trying to escape the dragon. It really enhanced the action and made Tiche's death that much more abrupt and shocking even though it was an inevitable consequence.

The characters are enjoyable enough on their own, especially when interacting with each other, that you didn't have to show they're interesting or complex necessarily, and I know this isn't the first part of the series you're writing so I don't have anything to critique about the characters. They're fun, they have personality, they're animated, and that's all that really matters, especially if you're aiming to reach an audience of non-players.

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this little glimpse into the world of Elden Ring from your perspective! It was great read without any problems to point out or give feedback on, unless I decided to be super obnoxiously nitpicky, but because I'm so nice, I'll be merciful... for now.

Thanks for letting me review your work, and I'll see you in about a month after some procrastination!

Wow. This story was absolutely amazing.
It takes a part of the world we don’t get to see much of—the Black Knife Assassins—and tells their side of the story with so much detail and heart.
One of the best parts is the relationship between Alecto and her daughter Tiche. Even though they don’t talk, you can feel the love and understanding between them. Tiche is brave and a bit reckless, while Alecto is more calm and careful. Their silent teamwork made the mission feel personal and intense. I especially loved their little moments—like when Alecto admires her daughter’s boldness but still gets a bit annoyed at her showing off.

The other characters were also really interesting. Godwyn was written perfectly—he’s calm, powerful, and carries himself like a real prince. You understand why people respect and fear him. And then there’s Godrick, who’s honestly kind of hilarious in how desperate and ridiculous he is. But it fits the story and adds a nice contrast to the seriousness around him.

The ending was powerful. The actual assassination of Godwyn was dramatic and intense, but also sad in a way. You can feel that he was a hero once, even if he stood for something the Black Knives wanted to end. Tiche’s death was heartbreaking. Even though you could feel something bad was going to happen, it still hit hard. Alecto’s reaction felt real—silent, full of pain, but still focused on finishing the mission. And the scene with the mark of the Moon appearing on Godwyn’s back was just… beautiful and chilling at the same time.

Honestly, I couldn’t stop reading. The way the author describes things is rich and poetic, but still clear. The action scenes are exciting without being confusing, and the slower scenes are full of tension and meaning. And even though it’s set in a fantasy world with dragons and gods, the emotions feel very human.

Oh—and yes, this story was bananas. In the best way. Not silly or over-the-top, but wild in how good it is, how detailed, how emotional. I mean, dragons, assassins, a mother-daughter team, a golden empire falling apart—it had everything.

I really hope there’s more. This could easily be the start of a full book or even a series. I’d follow Alecto anywhere after this.

⭐ 5/5 stars.
Haunting, thrilling, and unforgettable. Superb really!!!