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Hello! Ley here for a review Today, I will be using my Summer Themed Review Template! I hope you find this review helpful, let's get into it!

A Warm Welcome
Okay, so, I don't know much about the Elden Ring lore or characters, but I have watched many people play it-- so I don't feel too out of the loop here! I hope I'm not completely going against lore with some of these reactions/comments, so forgive me in advance! Anyways, let's get into the good nitty-gritty stuff! I'll start with what I loved about this piece, followed by some suggestions!

Sunny Moments
First, before I get into any reactions, I just wanted to say how much I love the graphics and formatting you gave us. It's so fun to read and the graphics are great! Also, thank you for giving us some context with the author's note in the beginning!

The brilliant tree of golden light, whose trunk stretched taller than any tower, whose branches spanned miles over the sky, and whose roots traveled deeper into the earth than any catacomb. As the blessing of the sacred Elden Ring, and the beating heart of the Golden Order, it stood as a beacon of grace and law. A light that not even the Sun could rival.

We're starting off extremely strong here! As always, you're descriptions are amazing and paint us a vivid picture right off the bat. I also wanted to point out the tone here-- the voice you chose aligns with what I imagine an Elden Ring story to sound like. I remember watching someone play and loving the atmosphere and themes. You captured this quite well right away, which can be hard to do for some! Excellent job <3

“Hm, a quite despondent plea to make. You’ve no need to be afraid, traveler. I am Miriel, the keeper of this church.” He chuckled, “And though I am privy to a fair share of spells, this is a place of peace.

I don't remember Miriel (>.>) from watching it, but so far from an outsider's point of view-- he's super lovable. It's like he moves with grace and he doesn't care to harm or hurt others, as we see here. I also love how he talks: gentle, wise, sorrowful-- but full of aura.

Likewise, the sacred celestial dew—the tonic which cleanses sin and grants absolution within this church—is sourced by the faction who lead such cities.

We're getting more worldbuilding here, which is awesome! I'm assuming the celestial dew (the tonic) and the factions are part of Elden Ring lore so I won't comment much on that; but I will applaud you for your ability to make all this easy to understand without lore-dumping! Again, such a hard thing to do, and yet you do it effortlessly!

“It is only natural to fear death,” Miriel replied.

Just a quick note, but I just wanted to say I absolutely love this quote from Miriel. Makes me like him more than I already do, which I honestly don't think is possible at this point! Lol.

“My friend here was right all along. Even with Caria in no shape to fight, and Radagon's ideals of peace brought into the Order...We should all be more wary of what Queen Marika is capable of.”

Ooh, love Miriel's reflection on his time with Seri. You did a wonderful job of making Seri's story dramatic but somewhat... heroic? I also loved Seri's vivid curiousity about Queen Marika, her whereabouts, and more. I think that provoked a different way of thinking in Miriel. I wonder if the next story will be about Queen Marika? I could be completely off here XD

Heat and Haze
Honestly, I don't have any suggestions for this! As I've stated, I don't know much about Elden Ring lore-- so I don't have any criticism on that, and I always love your writing style. So, no problems spotted here! Well done, Raven!

Overall Vibes
Overall, this was a great read! It felt like I was learning about a whole new world, but some parts definitely connected the dots from what I've seen in Elden Ring before. I really fell in love with Miriel's characterization and what you did with him here <3 That's it for now-- have a wonderful rest of your day, friend! (And go Team Mint! )

Hey Raven! I saw this and I don’t tend to read fanfiction, but I know almost NOTHING of Elden Ring lore (Radagon, Golden Order, Ash, Erdtree, it all rings a bell) except the very basics. I started the game but didn’t get very far because I suck at soulslikes lol (I’ll come back once my backlog is shaved down some, tho…)

The expansive lore of Elden Ring does interest me and this is more of a story that takes place in lore of Elden Ring, so it seems interesting!

Thus, let’s get into my review!

𔓘 Writing Commentary 𔓘

Upon etching the final letter, he lowered the claw he’d been using to write. They had grown gnarled and chipped along the toes of his short legs, stemming from his immense tortoise body. From the toes to the top of his shell, he stood taller than the average man or woman. His deep black eyes reflected the wisdom of many ages, and positioned on his head was a white mitre with golden accents. Age was slowly turning his scales and shell gray, yet he still carried himself with dignity, his name known only to those who sought true absolution.

I really like Miriel’s introduction here! He has this feeling of a wise, gentle, priest-type whose knowledge runs deep. His kindness throughout the story also proves this right. I enjoy that he is not blindly serving the golden order, rather acting as a neutral party. He lends most things to his own foresight, respecting the gods and demigods above him.

his skin was a monochromatic charcoal hue, clinging to every bone in his morbidly skeletal frame. White wires of hair hung in clumps across his skull. His eyes were glazed and deep gray, and blood of pure silver dripped from the long gashes across his back.

Wow…The description here of this guy totally gave me chills. I let out an audible “Ew…” as I was reading along…

“And though I am privy to a fair share of spells, this is a place of peace. The only risk you take beyond this threshold is the prattling of an old beast’s tales.”

In general the dialogue here is great! You do a great job of highlighting the medieval feeling of the game’s setting.

“I h-had wasted for so long, crawling amidst the darkness. I lived like vermin until I found the path to the upper lands, and I f-finally stepped onto the fields of Limgrave. Only to be set upon by scouts of that wretched castle, Stormveil.”

Under my recommendations I complain about some beefy dialogue, however, this is good! I like the bit of backstory we are given from Seri (is he a tarnished?)

“There is nothing to be done about it. He is now bound to Marika, the new Elden Lord and a crucial pillar of the Golden Order. Likewise, the children he bore with Rennala are endowed to the Order, as Marika raised them to demigods. Lunar Princess Ranni has even been recognized as Empyrean by the Greater Will's vassals.”

The bit of lore we hear about Radagon and Marika is real interesting. I like the interplay that we get to hear about between them as well as the epic, unending demigod battles.

⟡ Recommendations ⟡

The tranquility, however, was broken by the faintest groan of pain.

This is more of a random personal suggestion. Maybe removing “however” would help here? The man’s groan here is supposed to be something that sort of snaps Miriel out of his tranquility. That way, it’s more direct and the impact is felt a little more.

“My kin grow increasingly blind in their faith to the Dark Moon. To them, it is a prophecy. A promise that some day, an Age of Stars shall triumph over Queen Marika and her Golden Order, and subvert the Greater Will itself…” He huffed, a sense of pity in his voice. “How I wish it were so easy to acquiesce. To believe as undyingly as they do. Alas, I have heard many tales of those who’ve crossed Marika in ages past. The Giants, the Dragons, the Nomads, the Hornsent to name merely a few. To disrupt the current peace against a foe so perilous…I naturally feared for our future upon that path.”

I know that this is meant for someone who knows the lore of Elden Ring, but I feel like this line feels like a little bit of a lore-dump? I was a bit confused by it because of the amount of lore tidbits boxed in here.

I will add that these recommendations are more out of a place of ignorance, so take these with an EXTRA grain of salt!

ꨄ︎ Story Commentary ꨄ︎

First off, I LOVE that you include visuals here! The graphics are cool as well! I can tell that a lot of love went into this

Miriel stretched one of his gnarled claws forth, pulling aside some of the flowers before etching a familiar rune in the dirt.

This story with Miriel and Seri is super cool! I think it does a GREAT job at evoking the overall “feel” of Elden Ring. Again, I have played for some 10 hours, but I never got deep into the lore. However, the dialogue and tone feels like it is plucked STRAIGHT from the game!

It sort of feels like they are passerby, small figures in this story of higher-level, godlike beings. Befitting of the themes and story present in the game as well!

❀ Closer ❀

A melancholy tribute to the game this story hails from, overall it’s pretty cool! I’m not sure what you added to be fair. I presume it’s the pieces about Radagon and Marika. Looking at their renders in-game and their style tells me that they are characters you would be interested in design and character-wise (based off of what I know about the Sylphs and Demons from TFR).

I am quite curious to see what a potential continuation of this would hold!