Published July 26, 2018
"Serenity, go take out the trash. And then you shall go to bed immediately."
"Yes, mother." I said.
I stepped out into the void of night and unlocked the back door. Pulling the trash can behind me, I headed to the driveway.
That simple task is easier said than done. Pulling a trash can from the back door of the house, through a small paved road going around two other houses to get to the driveway was a long walk. So under the cover of night, I couldn't see anything.
"Shoot! Why didn't I bring a flashlight? It's totally not a ten-minute walk out to the driveway!" I cursed under my breath.
A bright flash of light illuminated the road in the woods, revealing no one but a voice.
"Would you need some help darling?"
A man appeared out of the shadows, old, and frail. He was holding two things: A book, and a jewelry box.
"No, no thank you, I can manage on my own." I stuttered.
Mother always told me to stay away from strangers, especially creepy ones. This guy was creepy. For sure.
"Please, you probably shouldn't be on our property. If my mom finds out, she'll call the cops." I warned.
"Well, my darling, let me give you something, for a parting gift, as you are the first...don't ever tell anyone..." The man whispered.
"Tell what? And I don't even know you!" I said loudly. I was confused and scared. I wanted nothing to do with this man. What was happening?
He held out the jewelry box, revealing a silver ring.
"You can have anything you want if you take this."
"Why should I? I don't want it!" I was seriously scared now.
"Because you will be cursed if you don't."
"That's not true!" I yelled.
"We'll see about that.."
The man then vanished. All that was left in his place was the jewelry box.
No. I'm not taking it. Not today. Not ever.
I quickly pulled the trash can out to the driveway and ran back to the house. I ran in and shouted to my mom:
"Mom! There's some man outside! He had this box, this box and he said if I didn't take it, we would be forever cursed!"
"Serenity, go upstairs and get your sister. Bring her to your room and stay there until I come back. If anyone appears in your room, ignore them and get away." My mom said urgently.
"Does this have anything to do with why daddy left us? This is strange. Tell me why and what is happening!"
"Serenity. Go. Do as I say. I'm going to check it out."
I ran upstairs to my sister Leane's room. I grabbed her and pulled her into my room.
"Leane, listen. Mom has gone out to go do something, I don't know what, but we have to stay in here ok?"
"Why Serenity? I want to sleep in my room!"Leane wailed.
"Shhhh, I don't know why. You can sleep in my room okay?"
"No, tell me what's happening!"
"Fine."
I had to lie. I didn't know what was happening either. So I told one last lie to my sister.
"Mom went outside to go check if the neighbors went to sleep."
Leane didn't understand, but I didn't want her to anyway. Being only 6, she couldn't understand much. Even as a 15-year old girl, I didn't fully understand the depth of the situation either. Hugging Leane tightly, I let the darkness take me into a restless sleep.
"You. I'm going to give you one more chance. Take the jewelry box, or you and your family will be forever cursed."
A giant flaming eye appeared, shining it's gaze on me. I couldn't tell where I was, or if there was anyone else watching.
"What do I get if I take the jewelry box? Who are you? What do you want from me? Why do you want the ring?" I asked
"Three questions and your fate will be decided."
"Three questions?" I exclaimed.
"Yes, now what is question number two?"
Shoot. I wasted a question for nothing. Okay, here we go.
"Why do you want the jewelry box?" I asked, my voice suddenly becoming small and afraid.
"It's the evil in this world. The one thing causing war. I need the necklace inside it. So I can get my precious ring that was stolen. Now question number three?"
This sounded familiar. A ring. I knew it. This was Sauron. The dark lord on his dark throne. I knew now. But I had to make sure.
"Who are you?"
"I am the only good in this world, Sauron the Great."
"I'll take it."
But that doesn't mean I'll give it to you.
What a whole bunch of lies. I knew it was a dream when I felt my sister close to me. I woke up to find a beautiful silver necklace around my neck. It was like the sun, moon, and stars together. And then I saw the gemstone. I had seen it before. Was it the Evenstar? No. The Evenstar has a bow in the center. This one has a set of antlers. I sat up, trying not to wake Leane, but when I tried to take the necklace off, everything went black.
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Hey RandomxStoryteller! Thanks for sharing your Lord of the Rings fanfiction! I must admit, I am a HUGE tolkien nerd, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a lotr fanfiction in the green room.
I hope you don't mind if I leave you with a review. Please feel free to disregard any and all suggestions or comments I have should you find them unhelpful. That being said, lets get onto the review!

AfterOverall Impression/Opinion
Your story seems to take place in a modernized (as we know it to be) world. The main character is simply taking out the trash when a "creepy" man appears to her and urges her to take a silver ring inside a jewelry box. She refuses and returns home. Her mother realizes something is seriously wrong and after telling Serenity to get her little sister Leane. Then, serenity, after falling asleep, sees the eye of Sauron. Their discussion ends in her accepting to wear a necklace and blacking out when trying to remove it after she wakes.
I was a little confused when the "creepy" man offered her a silver ring (THE ring?) and then when Sauron appears to her, he gets her to accept a necklace? I'm curious as to who the creepy man was, why he was bringing a silver ring to a 15 year old girl and what happened to the ring after Serenity's mother went outside?
Overall, I really did enjoy this story. I feel like it takes on a less 'serious' mood though, with the modernizing plot movers and just the overall fast pace. I feel like you could add more elements to give it a more serious tone, but other than that I really did enjoy this. Will you be making another chapter/part? Please feel free to tag me in the comments if you do!
Suggestions
My first suggestion is on character building. I really feel like Serenity is a half-blank slate waiting to be fully realized. Perhaps by using the dialogue you already have present, and altering the tags a bit, you can at least show the reader more about how she is feeling and giving us a better look into how she reacts to these circumstances so we get to know her as a fully realized character. Also, when using dialogue, tags that don't have exclamation points or question marks will have a comma if you use a tag after.
Here's an example of both of my suggestions using one of Serenity's dialogue's:
Other than that, I think you did a really good job giving us a new more real-world like version of the lotr story. I'll be keeping my eyes peeled for another part to this! You did a great job
Keep writing,
-Katja
Katja, thank you so much! I will definitely elaborate more on Serenity as she really is a half-blank slate!
Ah, is this a sequel to the Lord of the Rings? I've never really been a big fan of the franchise, but I can understand where you're coming from.
The writing style is neat and a professional flare to it, as if you sincerely took the time to review your work. The plot kind of got to the points quickly. I'm not sure if that was intentional, as to make the chapter seem more like a quick flare of emotions had swept the plot. You're expressing what the protagonist is feeling when she is feeling it, but I wish that there was a bit more of depth to it.
The dialogue is descriptive enough to provide a mental image of the setting all throughout the story, so that is nice. Overall, this is a good first chapter.
Thank you so much!