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E - Everyone

The flame lives!

by RamHood17

The flame lives!

The bowstring, freed from the exhausted fingers, the string rang in the air. Overcoming the bush's thick wool, an arrow dipped tightly into the mighty neck. It plumage had not yet finished swaying, as near, in the flesh the second stuck. Then the third, the fourth.

Five archers and one girl-warrior lavishly showered the "lightning" of two animals accidentally wandered into the steppe. The buffalo seemed huge and hitherto had not met an enemy of equal strength in their path. And now, in the June valley full of winds, they did not feel the danger from a small group of hunters on foot ...

Not far from that place, rattling with chain mail and gnashing his teeth, the young warriors fought bleeding afterwards and blood. They knew each other well. For many years before this struggle, they shared bread and wine at the same table. But here, for the fun of people and forgotten glory, they had to stand up against each other. Only one of them was destined to go out alive. And not only many years of grueling training with a sword helped him to survive. But also cunning, and cunning, and an inextinguishable thirst for glory. But the winner is not judged ...

And one more event managed to stay in the annals. But it was nice not only for weapons and victories. Here the peaceful inhabitants boasted their works: blacksmiths, artisans, weavers and other masters. The neighborhood people that drove here on expensive and not very wagons, could see with their own eyes that the ancestors matter is alive. It is not forgotten. Conversely, it is carefully stored and distributed. And not for the sake of gold or a son's duty. And at the behest of the heart. By craving for the soul. And that means that the Flame still lives in his heart - his everyday life and everyday life did not drown him.

Yesterday it was, and not in the distant gray ages. June 11, deep in the steppes away from noisy and dirty settlements, in place of the ancient city of Arkaim. Craftsmen and masters, beauties and warriors, scientists and onlookers, old people and babies - many different people were yesterday in a glorious city. Thanks to all who created, could, despite the obstacles, give people a holiday! A huge thanks to all the organizers and participants!

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54 Reviews

Points: 3205
Reviews: 54

Tue Jun 12, 2018 4:28 pm
shaniac wrote a review...

Hello, shaniac here to review your piece!

What an interesting event! I really like the pictures you added as that kind of gave me the general understanding of what this piece was about. The beginning of this gave me an impression that this would be about a lone adventurer on the battleground, but with the images you provided, it was some sort of carnival or roleplay activity. I think you could hint at it being one or the other, which could then help whoever would be reading this.

Not far from that place, rattling with chain mail and gnashing his teeth, the young warriors fought bleeding afterwards and blood.

With the first part of this sentence, you could just say 'the place' as it is referring to one place in particular. The next part of this sentence is kind of worded weirdly because you use the same word, almost, twice. I think you could reword it a bit differently to: "the young warriors fought until blood was shed." Or, something similar to that because if you were to use the same word twice, the flow of the sentence would be a bit chunky.

The neighborhood people that drove here on expensive and not very wagons

This is a humorous line and I like how it is describing cars that people would drive there (also, not very wagon sounds a bit awkward, as well).

Also, I noticed you marked this piece as an essay/article. In my English classes, an essay is to provide your opinion on something through detailed research. I would think that this is more so a type of story you would tell your friends because you are detailing the events of a carnival or something that happened yesterday.

To cap, this was a very interesting read on a very interesting thing. I like the pictures you provided to give a better understanding of what was happening and I think you should try wording some of your sentences a bit better so they don't sound chunky to whoever will be reading them. I hope you have a good/night and if you have any questions, let me know!

RamHood17 says...

Thank you for your detailed comment. I agree, the word "Essay" does not match the text here. Although, I stated my attitude to the event. I was grateful to the organizers and participants. Described the events like a literary narrative. Sorry, but you found this description inadequate. Some of your comments, I will definitely take note and correct the text. Thanks again.

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45 Reviews

Points: 1335
Reviews: 45

Tue Jun 12, 2018 1:36 pm
Lives4Christ24 wrote a review...

Salutations, Lives4Christ24 is here for yet another review. I hope I don't offend anyone with my reviews, my only intent is to edify others and encourage them by offering constructive criticism.
I really like this piece, it's cool how you don't know that it's an event that just happened not some thing in the distant pass, until you get to the end. I liked the pictures and the costumes.
I would like to note that you put July 11, instead of June 11 for yesterday.
Thanks for writing I can't wait to see more of your work.

Spoiler! :
Note to others:please don't use my review to scam others

RamHood17 says...

Yes exactly! Thank you! Of course June 11th. Typo. I'll fix it now. Thanks for the feedback.

Resistance is futile.
— The Borg