Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Assassination

Blurb

Claire was a special girl with special abilities and needs. Her parents lied for her and said she just had weird hyper perception but it was much more than that. Much more....

Hey, yo, RainbowPowerPonies! Strange here on this fantastic review day and I have a review for you!

This was a synopsis, as the others before me stated. It's a very very hard thing to critique, so this is going to be rather weird. I believe the idea of a blurb is to grab one's attention when looking at it. This didn't exactly grab my interest, but I must say it sounds like a neat set up to the book.

The first thing I would suggest is probably changing the title to grab more interest from the audience. You left the blurb at a cliffhanger. What could be this girl's power? What could she be doing? Those are questions that could be asked, but the title gave it away. This girl is going to be a kick butt assassin. Or killer. It leaves a lot less room for mystery. The next few things I'm going to say are merely suggestions.

Claire was a special girl with special abilities and needs.

Her parents lied for her

Hi RainbowPowerPonies!

As Nightcrawler has super kindly pointed out before me, this looks a lot like a synopsis one might see on the back cover of a novel rather than a piece of actual story. While it's okay to post things like this here, you may want to include much more content next time so we can really delve into how cool and interesting your story is.

Having a hook is key here, I'm not sure why you crossed out the word/title "Assassination" here, is it to indicate that this would not be part of the blurb? In any case, it's a little distracting! With your actual blurb, have a look at some of the ones used on novels you've enjoyed. They're typically a paragraph or two long and really keep your interest with some clues to what the text will be like. You may want to consider including this kind of information in your own blurb so that we can really tell what your novel may be about. I like your attempt at suspense by having a kind of cliff hanger at the end but it isn't very effective without a bit more information above it.

I'd love to see you start writing Assassination and actually post some of it. The YWS would love to devour your story and comment on the best (and sometimes worst) bits!

Thanks for taking the time to post,
Penguin.

Hey there, Rainbow! Nightcrawler here for a short review on this lovely Review Day!

Well, I'm going to be honest here. This is really more of a synopsis of a story than a short or a chapter. It is literally two full sentences that drift off and give the reader little to latch onto. I'm not sure if you were meaning to expand this into a novel or whatnot, but normally a blurb would be a very short short story.
I'm going to try to review what I can, but it's really so short that feedback is virtually impossible.

So first, the title. "Assassination" is an action word, so that makes me wonder if this novel idea of yours is going to circulate around that action, but not necessarily the person committing that action. I'm also confused as to why the title is crossed off at the top. Again, this feels much more like a synopsis or a quick jotting down of a story idea than what you listed it as: a chapter.

Onto the first sentence. You repeat special twice. I would suggest replacing one of those with a synonym. Again, if this were a synopsis that you'd put on the back of a book, sometimes being vague is good. This makes the reader ask things like: What abilities? Why is she special? Why would her parents lie?

However, if this is a chapter, you want to expand on it and make it clear what you are talking about. The reader can't read your mind, because only you know the story as the author.

Second sentence. Again, why would her parents lie? What do they know? Also, if we don't know what her powers are, the mention of "weird hyper perception" is very confusing.

And finally, the last part is not a sentence, but two words with an ellipses and an extra period (which isn't needed. Only three dots are needed). Again, this method is usually used in book synopses, so I'm not quite sure why this is listed as a chapter.

Overall, I would expand on this as a real chapter/ short story. If you expand these few sentences into multiple, soon you'd have a real story going on. Hope this helped.

Keep writing and being amazing!

~Night

Hey again!

So I'm guessing that this is another idea for a book? Well I would love to see future chapters! So far, this sounds like a wonderful beginning and inspiration for a really great book. Very foreboding and intriguing.

Keep on writing, Mephis