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12+

I'm getting better

by RainbowCereal


Wishes can't fix what was done to you. Even if you pray until your throat is sore and your voice is gone, you will never go back to being the boy you used to be.

Somehow, you've learned to be okay with this. Not all of the changes were for the worse and if it makes the pain a even little more bearable, you will remind yourself of the silver lining until the day your bones are dust. Even if you long for the days when his voice didn't ring in your ears and his presence absent from your nightmares.

You've learned to find pieces of home and the warmth and comfort that entails in the laughter of your closest friends, the smiles from the boy you never plan to leave behind, in a house that's more than just somewhere you sleep.

You know what love is now, and nothing will ever take that from you.


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46 Reviews


Points: 55
Reviews: 46

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Tue Aug 27, 2019 10:33 pm
starryknightt wrote a review...



Hey there! My name is M, and after a long hiatus of sorts, I'm back to reading and posting on this wonderful website. This piece was one of the first things I saw so *deep breath* here goes-

First of all, I quite like the title you chose for this passage. I intrigued me and honestly connects with the story so well.

This piece is short and straight to the point. No extra fluff or flattery metaphors. Everything you have written is all that was needed. Yet you still manage to pack that extra punch of emotion, which is what really pulls this passage through. You can especially see this in paragraph two (my favorite paragraph).

I really enjoy seeing people write about their experiences with such emotion and thought. Very well done!

I can't wait to read more of your art!

-M




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98 Reviews


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Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:57 am
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Asith wrote a review...



<3
Just wanted to say I really liked this piece. The use of second person was a great choice from purely a writing perspective, but also from the view of self-help. I hope that the piece helps you through whatever, in future :)

I'd also like to commend you on your ability to put feelings onto paper that readers can in turn feel. It's not an easy task, and, whether it was your intention or not, I can totally say that I took something from this, emotionally.

I wonder if other reviewers have slightly missed the point. Personally, I love how you used specifics whilst shrouding the piece in a faux "this is for everyone" cloud. I think it's been very well-done. It's personal, but it's for readers to grasp as well. I like it :)




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12 Reviews


Points: 32
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Thu Aug 22, 2019 11:38 am
James565611 wrote a review...



hi RainbowCereal my name is James, i have gone through your work please if you will let me comment on it. i know you have agreed.....

i love your work, its very fascinating. it reminded me of who i was @10. what i used to do at that age, and i laughed as i recall.
there is something i will like to point out for you, but its nothing much though, i know i'm permitted to say it anyway, and its at the end of the second paragraph is seems to be very specific about what happened, and I feel that if you made it a bit more vague, people could connect to it more.

and that its aside from that, i love everything.
keep it up Rainbowcereal and never stop writing.




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225 Reviews


Points: 1318
Reviews: 225

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Thu Aug 22, 2019 4:17 am
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello, RainbowCereal! My name is Horisun, and I'm here to steal your cookies!
No, sorry, obviously not, I'm here to review your work.
Which is really great! I love how you are writing in second person, (I think that's the term) I don't see it very often except for choose your own adventure books, and the POV is very interesting outside of those kinds of books.
I also love the wording of this, and the figurative language, it's really great!
The one thing that I would like to say, and really, it's not even that big of a deal, but I'd thought I'd say this anyway, and that's that at the end of the second paragraph is seems to become very specific about what happened, and I feel that if you made it a bit more vague, people could connect to it more. Idk, I just feel that this doesn't seem to be the sort of short story to tell a specific story, but it's really up to you.
Other than that, this is a very short and sweet story that was a smooth read, and incredibly uplifting, pat yourself on the back for a job well done!
Keep on writing!






I appreciate the feedback a lot!! I haven't been doing a whole lot of sharing recently and it feels really nice to be putting things out there again. And you're right, it is written in second person!! It's not an extremely common pov, but it's a personal favorite for me. ^^
Though I feel like I should clear up that it's intended to be specific to myself because it's a personal piece I just felt like sharing, so I probably won't change it, but thank you!!!



Horisun says...


That's what I thought! I was just a little confused... You did a really good job on this short story!




If we choose, we can live in a world of comforting illusion.
— Noam Chomsky