Published June 6, 2008
A.N I wasn't quite sure where to put this, so I just banged it down in the Special Poems With No Genre section. SPWNG. Has a ring to it, donchathink? Anyhoo, I know it ent no Shakespeare, but I have this poetry ineptness, and anyway, I kinda like it.
Wanted
One friend.
Height not specified.
Must have the ability to
Get me through difficult times
Whether they're at school
Or somewhere else.
Must be able to
Laugh- in a realistic way
And cry with/for me.
Must only be
Sarcastic when they're trying
To be funny.
Not allowed:
Backstabbing, pig-stealing,
dirty rotten bumheads.
Needed for
Hugs, jokes
fun and secrets.
Please fill out Application.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I'm straining to read this as poetry as well. Although I liked the theme- certainly no emo or overly tragic language used here. Yay! I find it hard to believe that people only have bad things to write about in their lives. Anyway, I would suggest trying to give this a rhythm, as were jumping ahead of ourselves in re-working it to rhyme. Quite a lot of my poetry rhymes, but it's usually the happy/memory stuff. I guess it's just a case of personal taste.
Anyway, I can't see many problems other than strange capitalization, the odd punctuation problem and typos. What I would suggest in your poetry learning curb is to read a lot of poetry. Even the best are always reading, learning, growing. My favourites are Plath and Frost.
Best wishes,
Eimear
Thanks!!!!
And I must admit I shied away from rhyming because I'm, like, rhymishly illiterate.
I'll work on it though.
xx
You know I don't know if I can call this poetry, it literally reminded me of a prerequisite list for some sort of job. I like the concept, but immediately when I got to the second stanza I was expecting a rhyme.
First of all you spelled ability incorrectly. When I got to the fourth line I was sure you were going to rhyme with the second, but you didn't. I really think that this needs so much more flow, and I normally don't recommend rhyming in poetry unless you're very skilled with it, but I think it'd help here.
I didn't understand "dirty rotten bumheads", it just seemed out of place, so did "pig-stealing" or maybe those are phrases I'm just not familiar with. They sound Southern...
But yeah, that's all I have to say.