I used to rule the world forums
rpers would post when I gave the word
now in the mornin', I post alone, type in the forums I used to own
I used to run Storybooks
Feel the fear in my rper's eyes
and as soon as the leaderboards refreshed
Yeah, I was at the top, but now I'm not
one minute I held them all, next I had one total
And I discovered that my posts were bland
consisting of keyboards of salt, keyboards of sand
I hear YWS bells ringing
SBers choirs singing
Be my mouse, my keyboard and screen
My roleplayers in a foreign realm
For some reason, I can't explain
Once you fall there was never, never a well-done post
And that was when I ruled the realm
it was a wicked and wild storm
Posts blew down the doors before the morn'
Shattered threads and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become
I hear YWS bells ringing
SBers choirs singing
Be my mouse, my keyboard and screen
My roleplayers in a foreign realm
For some reason, I can't explain
Big Brother won't call my name
Never a well-done post
But that was when I ruled the realm
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
I hear YWS bells ringing
SBers choirs singing
Be my mouse, my keyboard and screen
My roleplayers in a foreign realm
For some reason, I can't explain
Big Brother, he won't call my name
Never a well-done post
But that was when I ruled the realm
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
When I read it was a YWS-themed Coldplay parody, I had to read through all of it. Here's the review.
Starting on a relatable note, I see. i really like how you dive headfirst into your struggles and do a really cool contrast. You immediately engage me with the story you have built. I really like the last line, that reminds me a lot of Taylor Swift lyrics. For example, in All Too Well (10 Minute Version), "in this city's barren cold, I remember the first fall of snow, it glistened as it fell, I remember it all too well." There's meaning, and there's poetry right there.
Reminiscing the glory days I see... I really like this line. It could work well as it doesn't flow too well with added music.
Wow, I am a nerd. I felt emotion in that. And there's self-deprecation and discovery involved so inherently in this line. Just in awe of you and your songwriting.
This is a really solid, and highly visual as well. Like, I would love to live in YWS if it was like, a town. It also has so many good-sounding parts. Like, be my mouse, be my keyboard and screeeen, and also, once you fall there was never, never a well-done post (reminds me of We're Never Ever Getting Back Together).
This is a lot like you know, those somewhat redundant songs in fantasy movies that are trying to get you to know "well that's how this world is -- yeah similar vibe. Sounds really cool though.
This really doesn't stand out and sounds a bit redundant. However, it is a really good part musically, so if you ever were to team up and make this a recorded song, keep this in!
It sounds similar to the stanza where I talked about visualization. Also, the Big Brother Reference is on point. I like how this is phrased and feels like a good, poppy chorus.
<b> Final Thoughts </b>
I really like it, and if you could get a mezzo-soprano to sing this (perhaps a band, like Coldplay) this would be epic! Good work!
Hello, shaniac here to review your poem!
Haha, I remember you mentioning this in the Discord server -- in fact, I was there when you guys were hatching this parody. xD
In any case, I think you did a nice job of incorporating the Imagine Dragons song into this one. It is always nice to read funny parodies (something I don't do a lot of because I'm busy watching other things). But, I mainly want to focus on there are some places in this poem that don't have capitalization such as 'it was a wicked and wild storm'. You don't want to break structure even in a parody song because of it kind of breaks the point of the whole song.
I think this line could be reworded to 'world of forums' because 'world forums' sounds a bit wonky when I'm reading it.
After 'once you fall', there should be a comma also I think instead of saying 'well-done', you could reword it to 'good' because 'well-done' is also a bit wonky in terms of keeping up with the rhythm of this.
To cap, I really like this parody! It is a nice attempt at incorporating the storybook realm in with the whole of YWS. The few things you should work on is capitalization and punctuation -- minor things that can really make this poem stronger. Have a good day/night and if you have any questions, let me know!
To be fair, most of the capitalization and punctuation issues were because I copied and pasted from the server, where I wrote it all on my phone, so yeah. I'll probably change that...someday.
This is really cute. I can see why it's in the leaderboards.
I think what it does best is know it's audience. You clearly are familiar with YWS enough to know all the things that we'll laugh at when we read this, and you stuck them in there.
As for a song, I can't really judge it since it's a parody which means you had a template to go off of. I think it matches up with that template well. I could generally hum the song tune as I read the lyrics and that shows that you've got a good parody. I think the true test is how easy it is to read with the lyrics tunes in mind, and I think you've got that down.
That being said, as lyrics, I think you did well to include the opening scene of things being at the top of the top, and then using the bridge and end of the song to continue the narrative. You followed along with the format of the song and what the song was saying, but I think you did a good job mirroring what the song was talking about and what you actually used as an example and story. This would be something I'd happily sing along to in the company of other YWSers. You should try to do a parody of something that's a social commentary sort of like Weird Al and see how you do! I think you'd do really well if you took these same ideas and applied them to something more broadspectrum like that. You have the method down, just pick a wider audience, and then start serenading us to sleep on Youtube!
Thank you for the kind comments
But uh, I don't know how to sing, and I am not all that good with social commentary and all that. So I'll have to decline on that bit. I probably would if I could, though.