Published November 4, 2019
I do not fear my enemy because of what they could do to me
I fear to face my enemy, for I am afraid when I look into there eyes
They'll be my eyes and my face staring right back at me
Then I'll know I am the only enemy I every lose to is myself
A lot like my fear to peer in the mirror
Not because my reflection will scare me
But because when I step in front of the mirror I might see nothing at all
Like a blank canvas
The canvas the artist never found time to paint
Kinda like my fear to smile
Because if I smile once I may never smile again
So why not always wear a frown
Much like my voice that is bubbling in my throat
Slamming against the back of my lips to be set free
Why do I stay silent?
Because if I speak maybe no one will listen
Maybe they'll here but they won't even care
So finally I ask myself over and over again
How?
How do I get there
When I have forgotten where I am going
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140,080 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
hi,
This poem is beautiful but so sad. It has this tone like the persona is kind of depressed. In the first stanza, i got a little bit confused by some words, for example getting towards the end of the second line and getting towards the end of the fourth line of the poem, but never mind. i guess it was a typos error.
But moving on the poem really broke my heart and I could really relate, especially with the part that says,
"Kinda like my fear to smile
Because if I smile once I may never smile again
So why not always wear a frown"
it gives me this vibe, of a person who feels as if they are not being listened to enough, and then when they talk about their feelings it's not really taken into consideration so then they begin to feel like, why don't i shut up, keep my thoughts to myself, frown at the world because i hate it kind of way.
I also love the simile of the black canvas, it was so on point you know, comparing that state of confused emotion to a black canvas, woow.
as the poem gradually came to an end, you can feel the torn feeling of the persona. How confused the persona is, and not knowing what to do.
This work is great. i would rate it a 110,000 out of 10. hahaaa.
good job done
Thanks
welcome
Hello there!
this is such a lovely yet sad poem. It is very depressing at parts, especially the part where the writer thinks that they are their own worse enemy.
" the canvas the artist never got to paint"
is a very poignant line.
I love the visual imagery in your poem.
The part where the writer is afraid to smile really hit me.
The ending is very sad and in a way kind of cliff-hanger-y (no idea if that is a word, just made that up)
On the whole, one thing i noticed is that some of the spellings are wrong, otherwise it's a really nice poem.
keep writing! hope to read more from you in the future.
Much love,
Zaibae
Thank you so much! I haven%u2019t seen you around yet but I hope to get to know ya!
Hey Raelyn! I must say that I love the topics you choose for your poetry. They all have very deep, very eye opening thoughts that are inspiring yet depressing at the same time! I’m not a huge fan of poetry but I thoroughly enjoy reading yours!
The only thing that I would watch is your spelling but that’s a super minor edit!
Your friend,
Honora <3
Thanks for the review! I didn't like poetry until I wroute these to poems:)
check your spelling
Alrighty, my second non-forced poem!! Hope you lovely YWSers like it:)
abachmann here!
Wow! Reading this literally gave me chills. You have such a talent. It takes an amazing poet to give a feeling like that too a reader. Amazing. You have a fan right here.
One itty-bitty nitpick:
Right here you use the wrong "there"
"I fear to face my enemy, for I am afraid when I look into there eyes"
It should be...
"I fear to face my enemy, for I am afraid when I look into their eyes"
One tiny change makes a big difference!
Other then that, this is absolutely incredible!
Keep Writing!
abachmann
Aww this revie warms my heart! Thank you so much abachmann! If you like this poem you should look at my other Love is blooming! Thank you for the little nitpick:)
I will definitely look at that!
Hi,
This poem is very nicely written! I love the deep topic you explore of picking at and feeling kinda ashamed of all these flaws... and I like the metaphors you used to describe them in even more clarity. There are a couple grammar errors like the wrong words used and I would suggest trying to use punctuation continuously for all of the lines.
Overall, the ideas of the poem are great and reflect words that a lot of us may also think about.
Keep Writing
Thank you very much:)
EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway.
First Impression
Ah, what luck! What do I see? A poem from my old pal Raelyn! Forget Honora, you've got some writers skills yourself!
Nitpicks & Grammar
Your grammar seems flawless.
Style & Flow
I do have a few suggestions-
I'd try writing that this way-
That also cuts down on your word count because you can remove these set of stanzas-
Or maybe find a way to keep that secant line? Speaking of that stanza though, this part doesn't make sense-
Other then that you did an epic job! Nice going
EverLight Out
Thanks for the review!
Sure
Why did you post it twice?
Oh! I didn't know it posted twice. I'll ask on of the moderators to delete the secant comment. I'm sorry. My computer's been acting haywire to day. ):
Anyway I'll have to go soon. I have Swim Practice in half an hour.
Okay cool, personally I am a terrible swimmer I can run in the pool faster then I can swim
EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway.
First Impression
Ah, what luck! What do I see? A poem from my old pal Raelyn! Forget Honora, you've got some writers skills yourself!
Nitpicks & Grammar
Your grammar seems flawless.
Style & Flow
I do have a few suggestions-
I'd try writing that this way-
That also cuts down on your word count because you can remove these set of stanzas-
Or maybe find a way to keep that secant line? Speaking of that stanza though, this part doesn't make sense-
Other then that you did an epic job! Nice going
EverLight Out