my gosh, I love this!! I'm commenting here now so I can remind myself to do a review later,
z
Phases of a girl's life
LIfe is full of joy,
But I don't know why everyone thinks that girl is a toy,
In the first phase of her life,
She has to suffer for the fear of her survival,
Everyone treats her as rival,
But somehow her parents protected her life
and save her from taking an horrorful dive, (Refering to a custom of rural areas in which whenever a girl child was born she was killed. Villagers collect near sea shore and drown her there )
But if she would be inside the water ,
Then her legs started requesting to protect her
Because she was unable to speak
and also to give a preach,
This shows people have mentality as sick ,
But why nobody give these rituals a kick .
Her second phase started with going to school,
But it was for two days how cruel !!!!!!!
Parents think going to school is wastage of time,
But nobody tells them that preventing her from going to school is a crime,
Putting her behind bars of four walls ,
And taking away her several dolls,
Telling her to be a labour ,
And saying their so called statement that they are in her favour ,
By giving her freedom of eating,
Don't you think it's a cheating,
You are not allowing her free to move ,
But giving her a groom ,
She accepted her life as a worker ,
You are thinking that she is a rubber,
You can stretch her in any way ,
And you are satisfied hurray!!!!!
But rubber also has a limit to streach,
Otherwise it will give you a streach ,
Some an how she finished this phase
And started finding new way
to live her life.
Her third phase started with a hope,
to open up these rope,
But suddenly a new terror arises ,
it was security crises ,
Her hope become going down,
But she wears a cruel crown,
To protect her from this hell
As she came out of her shell,
She started raising her voice
And cried out with a sharp noise,
That don't try to depress me
And went out from her home to become a powerful she ,
Now girls are self dependent
And able to be dominant ,
But she believes in equality
And to be protected from this cruelity.
Now what the next phase,
But now she is brave ,
And can save her from going to grave,
She can make her own way
And built a new ray,
From the world suffering from crime
ButI am proud that now women's security is prime .
my gosh, I love this!! I'm commenting here now so I can remind myself to do a review later,
Hello RadhikaD! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!Give me your soul.
With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!
Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overallStrikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.
Buenas dias/tardes my friend,
You have a very interesting piece here. Your concept is good, and I like the idea you're trying to convey. However; your grammar is quite lacking. I cannot tell if English is not your first language, or if you just wrote stream of thought without editing. To point out every error would mean practically rewriting your poem, so I'm just going to point out a few and use bold print to highlight the necessary edits.
But I don't know why everyone thinks that girl is a toy,
In the first phase of her life,
Parents think going to school is a waste of time,
somehow she finished this phase
And started finding a new way
Points: 1435
Reviews: 57
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