z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

The Pianist

by RadDog13579


The Pianist

“You took everything from me.” The man in the dark cloak growls. He stumbles through the door into what appears to be a ballroom. The floor is tiled with shiny marble and a balcony lines the inside of the room being held up by arches that lead to various doors on the first floor.

A small child, no older than 14, sits in the back center of the ballroom on a marvelous stage. She chuckles, flicking her deep red hair off the side of her face.

“No I didn’t, it's all part of our gods will. It's all him!” She says cheerfully, not looking at the man. “Don’t you see? This isn’t right! They have us all strung and are playing us like marionettes!” The man exclaims “You killed my family right in front of me!”

“And I justify it.” The girl says in a sweet, high pitch voice. Her bright red lips moving across the otherwise pale face, “Ochtapas told me to do it. And we do the will of god. That is why we exist!” She laughs.

“Ochtapas isn’t real! It's just an excuse for them to get away with whatever they want to!”

“Excuse, justification, what's the difference?”

“You believe justifications, excuses are false.”

“And what if I do believe?” The girl turns to face the man slowly “What if I’m doing this all because I think it is right? Because it is right. Turn around right now and go back to your home. To your new family, and continue our marvelous vision.”

“No!” The man screams furiously. “They are herding us, keeping us alive so they can watch us die. They feed us lies!”

The girl sighs and turns back to her piano. She puts her fingers on the keys and begins to play. It's a waltz, a familiar one from a distant past. The man begins to walk up to the girl, he was going to kill her.

“Dance!” She shouts sweetly. People file out from the hallways, some wear suits or sweater vest, others wear dresses. There's only one thing they have in common, masks. Clay masks of various animals shielding their identities. They come out gracefully, dancing to the tune of the song. Moving like a soft breeze in the wind.

One of them dances up to the man and holds out a hand. The man reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small weapon. A small drill with three tips, colored bronze. He flips a switch and the gears start to turn, the drill spinning. He whips around and shoves it in the direction of the woman with the mask.

SHe ducks out of the way, dipping down. Simultaneously, she grabs the man's hand and pulls herself back up into a traditional dance pose.

1, 2, 3. The song continues, growing ever more intense and beautiful. A powerful hymn.

The woman with a bunny mask begins to move her feet, dancing with the man. The man takes another shot but the woman pulls herself into a twist, just barely missing the tip of one of the points on the drill.

Around him, the other masked figures begin to dance as well. Pairing with partners and waltzing.

“Enough of these games!” The man shouts, angry. The girl just keeps playing the piano, not giving a shred of attention to the man. The dancer whips around and pulls the drill out of his hands. She flicks it away into the distance and puts her hand back onto his shoulder.

The man pulls away but the dancers pull is strong. The woman twirls and pulls the man into a dip, swinging her arm around to punch him straight in the gut. The man lets out a gasp of pain before swinging back with a free arm.

Another dancer, one in a suit, with an elephant mask catches his fist. He pulls the man forward into a dance, leaving the other dancer behind. The dancer throws him off to another, then to another. The man skyrockets around the room being shoved by genetically enhanced ‘humans’.

He stumbles but the guidance of these masked figures keeps him smoothly dancing between persons. He tries to struggle but the strong arms keep him in place. He moves up the dance floor between different people till he meets the end of the ballroom where the girl plays. One of the figures shoves him up onto the stage.

“How lovely, do you want to duet?” The girl smiles, turning towards the man. Her fingers glide gracefully up and down the piano. The man runs over to the girl, holding out a fist. “Oh! How rude! Don’t you know your manners? Please, none of that, you wouldn’t want to upset my guests.”

Looking down on the crowd, more people pack the ballroom as they dance in perfect unison. “Y- you don't have to do this… I can save you from this hell.”

The girl laughs “This is heaven! Ochtapas live among us! Praise him! Praise him! Now, join me.” She pats the side of the seat, letting her left hand take over the piano, playing the same exact tune as before without one of the hands. Her fingers seemed to zip up and down like lightning, it wasn't possible.

The man steps over and sits down “I’m afraid I do not know how to play devil.”

“It's okay, you’ll learn. Now play.” The girl chuckles. The man places his fingers on the piano, playing some notes that clash with the otherwise beautiful song. The girl stands up, leaving the man to keep playing. “Come on now, play something nice! For our guests!” The man produces some weird sounds. The girl grabs a small device from a nearby table and walks over, leaning into the strings and hammers of the opened grand piano. The device is silver with a small window with a glowing… no, it couldn’t be! A little amethyst crystal glowing with power. The girl straps it into the piano and gets up.

“Hehe!” She giggles “Judging by your face I think you already know what this is! But by Ochtapas, I shall inform you! It's a bomb!” She lets out maniacal laughter. “And it’ll blow up if you stop playing!” She falls to the ground laughing, clenching her stomach before getting up and brushing herself off. The man frantically plays various keys on the piano. “If a note isn’t played in 10 seconds my friend, you shall meet your family once more!” That crystal would blow the entire building! There's no way he’d be able to get away in time.

“Enjoy playing! You shall play for our guests, forever!” She laughs “Hopefully you can get better…” The crowd stumbles, confused about the music and how to dance to it. The girl walks back over and picks something else up off the table. It was a mask. One that resembles a giraffe. She dances over and places it over the man's head, covering his teary eyes in shadows. The girl wades through the crowd of dancers and out of the front door. “PRAISE HIM! O PRAISE THE OCHTAPAS!” She shouts before disappearing from sight.“NO! COME BACK! YOU DEVIL!” The man screams.

It had been 5 days. No sleep. No rest. Just the man, his piano, and his guests. They didn’t stop dancing. He didn’t stop playing. He should just do it. Walk away from the piano. From this place. It was so simple. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it, looking down at the crowd of dancers still waltzing. Deep down, they were the same as him. This was his fate. With the serum he didn’t need sleep. Didn’t need food. Didn’t need anything. No one did anymore. And so he played. Growing ever more talented on the piano. Until eventually, he played the same tune as the girl, although he had forgotten her.

He had forgotten everything. Except the piano and the guests. Ever playing, never ending. He wouldn’t stop. After a year, he didn’t remember anything. A clean slate to be used. Only purpose is to push down keys. At this point he didn’t even know why he did it. It was just what he did. The pianist. It's what he is now. All he will ever be and all he was ever meant for was just to entertain his guests.

Through his sore, dry, and cracked lips he mutters one word, his voice sounded like death itself, his throat straining “Heaven”

The End.


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137 Reviews


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Sun Mar 14, 2021 1:55 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



oooh horror
I've been looking for a short horror story since a long time here :D
It's a shame less and less people write horror on this site, it's one of the most interesting genres out there (in my opinion).

So let's go on to the review :P

Wow this was a powerful short. It was intriguing the whole time, and even though I kept guessing, nothing could have made me guess the ending. It's surprising. I feel like there's a second meaning behind all this, the heaven, the devil, the animal masks- it just all feels like a twisted Animal Farm. Or something else. But I'm tired of analysing second meanings, (thanks literature classes), so excuse me if there was one, I'll not be checking it out.

What is there to critique.. I mean, I could go one and on about everything that's great in this, but since this a review, I feel like it should be constructive:

I think the action scene, that climax where he dances with the people with animal masks, was great. It felt magical and horrifying at the same time.
The beginning was great, enough suspense to make us wonder who's in the right- the man or the young girl. And what the hell was happening.

I think what didn't work too well was just the immense mystery behind all of this.
who are the Ochtapas? It means octopus, but like, what the hell does it have to do with anything. Who are the people with animal masks? You say they don't want to be here and were forced, but then why are they helping the girl? Why stop the man from harming her? Was it because she had a bomb attached to her piano too, and they knew if he killed her, they'd all die? Why don't they just explain it to him then.

Little plot hole too, you say he didn't need food or water and never got exhausted because of a potion, but when did he take it? I combed the story, but nothing mentioned him taking a potion.

And the other thing that bugged me.. why did he join her at the piano?? Nothing pushed him. And no one forced him either. Did he just forget that she killed his parents? Did he just forget about his revenge?

Again, this is my opinion and things I feel went in the way of this short. But again, this sense of mystery and the lack of answers you give us to our questions kinda add up to the tone of your short. So I guess it isn't as bad as I make it seem.

You can be certain I'll be thinking about this short for a while, great job and I'm following. I wanna read more from you <3




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Sat Feb 13, 2021 6:12 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Well...this was a really interesting story, I don't think I've ever read something quite like this before and I do like the concept here, the way the story progresses is certainly really gripping and I never lost interest at any point in it. You did a really good job keeping the readers hooked throughout the story. The characters also display their emotions really well, the way that you show the man and how he resists and then is unable to really do anything about what's happening to him, we can really feel all of that as it happens and that makes us truly connect with what's happening in the story.

The dialogue that you used was also really good, you can clearly see the intentions of both the characters from the way they speak and you can see the girl's confidence especially shine through quite well.

The description of everything around them is also done really well, its very easy to conjure up an image of what's going on which really helps with the enjoyment of the story. So all in all, I think you've done a great job here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Wed Feb 10, 2021 6:54 pm
Beccablue wrote a review...



Hi Rad Dog!

Wow! Just, wow! That was a great story, I loved how you tied things together and this eeriness of it all. The dancing part was smart because as the reader you can still hear the tune that the girl plays even though the man struggles to break free.
This is simply my opinion, so take what you want and throw the rest away ;)
I would love to read a little more about the description of the man. You did a great job describing what the little girl looks like, but I am interested in what the man looks like.

Also, when you described the ballroom it would be nice if you also mentioned the piano on the stage. When I read:

"He stumbles through the door into what appears to be a ballroom. The floor is tiled with shiny marble and a balcony lines the inside of the room being held up by arches that lead to various doors on the first floor.

A small child, no older than 14, sits in the back center of the ballroom on a marvelous stage. She chuckles, flicking her deep red hair off the side of her face."

I saw the girl, probably wearing a bright sundress, standing on an empty stage. So it was a little jarring to then read:

"The girl sighs and turns back to her piano. She puts her fingers on the keys and begins to play."

It would be great to mention that there was an open grand piano on the stage with a little girl sitting on the bench.

Just my opinion. My favourite part has to be the ending. You brought it all together and it was a beautiful yet disturbing ending. I love it!

Keep up the great creative ideas!




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Tue Feb 09, 2021 3:27 am
julia002 wrote a review...



I love the setting of being in a ballroom! I think the busyness and vastness of it always sets a good tone for a story. This writing felt very theatrical to me which felt very new. I could easily see this being performed on stage. Every great horror story leaves you with a chilling ending:

"Through his sore, dry, and cracked lips he mutters one word, his voice sounded like death itself, his throat straining 'Heaven'"

I always love callbacks to other lines. I think that was a great way to show that he had turned into them. When I read it, I was instantly reminded of this line:

“This is heaven! Ochtapas live among us! Praise him! Praise him! Now, join me.”

Overall I think this is a great concept and I enjoyed reading it. Also, I am curious, where did you get the name Ochtapas?




RadDog13579 says...


Thanks for the review! Ochtopas is stolen from a religion I made up for a small fantasy story and it means Octopus in Irish. I thought it sounded cool so I used it here.



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Mon Feb 08, 2021 6:24 pm
spiral wrote a review...



Overall, I really like this. The concept is really interesting!

Now for some feedback.

In the 3rd paragraph there's the line "...it's all part of our gods will." and this should probably be written as "...our God's will."
There's also the line "They have us all strung and are playing us like marionettes!", which is really nice. But it does seem a bit out of place. Since it's such a nice line, if you could find somewhere else to put it in that would be cool, but it just seems a bit odd being where it is so early on in the story. Of course it's completely up to you though.

I love how the man pulls out a weapon and the guests just expertly dance around him, managing to avoid injury. These guests are almost uncanny, without any visible motive, simply dancing to the waltz. Its really nice.

I love the fact that the girl managed to convince the man to sit at the piano and play. It was simple, and he went there without much resistance which isn't too out of place with what just happened to him.

The fact that the man doesn't leave the piano, and instead continues playing until he forgets everything is cool. I like the idea of that. He remains trapped there on his own volition, with the guests forced to dance to his waltz.

Also, I love the double meaning of the title, 'The Pianist'. Its really nice!





"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore