backwards pictures
all the same
she's a slave to her feed
high on feedback
in reality
common ettiquite
secretly wanting
genuine love
but only getting
the same comments as last week.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Indeed, the feeling of loss is here, whether it be in brain cells due to media, or in soul, due to drama. I believe that your understand of how people work has a deeper, darker meaning, even if it seems shallow on the surface. It seems to me that you've got a knack for writing about social issues, so try doing it again, I'd love to see more. In any case, the poem could use some work. Try extending it. I wanna hear more about how this character feels. Overall, not bad....6/10.
Ayyyyy, social commentary!
I'm a sucker for poetry that confronts the social media beast with a sling and stone, and for you to do so in a minimalist fashion is doubly brave, so you get applause from me for that; however, you also get critical acclaim for pulling off some fairly decent rhymes that didn't immediately turn me off to the concept!
The biggest critique here is the horrendous lack of flow. Or, as I'd describe it, Chop Suey. Your choice to break after roughly five syllables gives you the roughest road this side of the southern border, and that's a real shame for something that excels in so many areas. Heck, you could make this into a prose poem and still have better flow:
Punctuation added for syntactical sense for prosaic form. Unneeded in poetic stance. Misspelled 'etiquette' - not the end of the world.
Actually, honing in on that line, I'm unsure it's needed among the rest. It doesn't add anything unless you're characterizing the girl, and if you're trying to do that, you're missing a ton of opportunity for a really fleshed-out character. But que cera cera.
This is nice. You did well. I hope my notes help.
Ty