Chapter One
The Fam
Me, a 12 almost 13 year old girl named Cat waited at my window, I was expecting someone. I had blue eyes, peach skin, and redish hair. After 20 minutes I went to my bedroom. Then I heard a knock on a the door. I ran as fast as my legs and feet could go. I opened the door and squealed.
“Addy! Oh how I’ve missed you!” I said excitedly.
Addy hugged me tightly. Addy was a 13 year old girl who was my BFF. Addy had blue eyes, tan skin, black hair, and pink and purple nails.
“I love your nails.” I said examining Addy’s nails. Suddenly there was another knock on the door. Addy opened it. A 13 year old girl with blue eyes, peach skin, and blonde hair stood there.
“Zoey!” Addy said happily.
“Hi!” Zoey said. “I saw all my BFFs so I thought I’d come over. How was your trip Addy?”
“Amazing! You can’t believe how much ice cream you can get on vacation at Mexico!” Addy said. “But let’s talk about what my besties did!”
“Nothing!” Me and Zoey groaned. “Jinks! You owe my a dollar! Two dollars! Three!”
“Hey!” Addy yelled. “Is your dad home?”
“Nah.” I replied. “Let’s go to scoops. Beth can drive us.” Beth was my older sister, Beth was 17 years old, she had just finished her junior year of high school, she had blue eyes, peach skin, and redish blonde hair. Everyone in my family looked kind of the same.
“Hey, can you remind me who’s in your family?” Addy joked around. I had a huge family. HUGE. From youngest to oldest, there is Baby Dorthy: one of my nieces; 2 weeks old. Baby Chad Jr: my nephew; 1 month old. Baby Lucy: a little adventurous baby girl; 3 months old. Baby Mike: a shy baby boy; 1 year old. Karen: the sweetest little girl you’ll ever meet; 2 years old. Alesha and Astrid: two adorable little twins; 3 years old. Luke and Linda: two twins that always fight about who mom likes best (Linda always wins); 4 years old. David: a smart and tech-y young boy; 5 years old. Eve and Eva: the fashion divas in the family; 6 years old. Ken and Ben: the athletes in the family, also the early birds; 7 years old. Jessie and Rose: not twins but Jessie is 2 days older than Rose, Jessie is outgoing, but Rose is shy; 8 years old. Alex: a nerdy kid always has his head in a book; 9 years old. Salish and Sofia: they are popular and friendly; 10 years old. Zuri: a movie star, she was on Jessie and now she is on Bunk’d; 11 years old. Me and Haley: Haley. my adopted twin sister, literally, she was born the 1 second after me; 12 years old.
Noah and Nora: they always get what they want; 13 years old. (And don’t tell anyone, but Zoey is my niece; 13 years old.) Theo: homeschooled because he couldn’t get into high school this year (he says that his teacher made him fail, but we all know he was playing video games); 14 years old. Charlotte and Charles: the kids that have earned the most awards in the the whole family; 15 years old. Natalie: a book author; 16 years old. Beth and Bet: they always get along; 17 years old. Frankie: doing a online class on engineering for college; 18 years old. James, Josh, and Joe: are learning how to be a high school gym coach, but James wants to be a elementary coach; 19 years old. Maria: trying to save up and learn to be a business owner; 20 years old.
“Cat?” Addy said. “I didn’t mean it literally. You can stop looking at the ceiling rembering them.”
“I know.” I said. “But I just like to think it.”
“Ok.” Said Addy. “But hurry up, I don’t want to do any thing without you.” Kennedy, Kristy, Katherine, and Kamila: Kennedy graduated college early and is starting a business, Kristy just got engaged and is planning the wedding in 3 months, Katherine is still in college, and Kamila just got pregnant; 21 years old. Gary, Glinda, and Chad: Gary and Glinda are still in college and Chad is engaged to Kristy; 22 years old. Ally: married to Frank. She is my sister-in-law; 23 years old. Hannah and Victor: Hannah is my second favorite sister. And Victor my brother-in-law, they are married; 24 years old. Frank: Married to Ally and is a nurse; 25 years old. Riley and Arnold: Riley is pregnant with a baby girl and trying to be a librarian and Arnold is married to Kamila, He’s my second favorite brother-in-law; 26 years old. Barnie: married to Riley ; 27 years old. Mary, Molly, and Luke: Mary and Molly own a hair salon and Luke is adopted; from Detroit; 28 years old. Judy and June: Judy is a kid doctor and June just had a kid named Dorthy; 29 years old. Margret: A school principal in New York and a camp director in Las Vegas; 30 years old. Victoria: a college professor; 31 years old. Marty: Zoey’s dad, my favorite brother-in-law; 32 years old. Opal: Zoey’s mom, my favorite sister(also no one but family knows me and Zoey are related); 33 years old. Daniele: a wonderful woman who teaches me, Zoey, and Addy; 34 years old. Oscar: Married to Daniele; 35 years old. Ursula: here name is actually JJ she changed her name twice and her three kids are named Fire, Ice, and Snow. She had them adopted; 36 years old. Faith, Joy, Hope, and Val: Faith and Val are both mayors. Joy and Faith are still in college. Val is adopted and divorced; 37 years olds. Brittney, Bree, and Brandon: Brittney is a mega star (Bring it Brittney is her new album), Bree is a realtor for Real Estate Agents, and Brandon is a butler for Brittney; 39 years old. Mom/Alejandra: She runs the non-profit called For the People. Fun fact: that’s what her name means for the people; 69 years old. Dad/Rodrigo: My family on my dad’s side comes from kings and his name means famous ruler. He is very humble and owns Chef’s Kiss, a restaurant that has 5 Michelin Stars; 72 years old.
“Ok!” I said excitedly. “Let’s go to scoops, then shopping at Mall Market?”
“Yes!!” Zoey and Addy screamed. I went to look for Beth, but I couldn’t find her.
“She must be at Mike’s.” I said. Mike was Beth’s friend. “Well want to hang out? At my house?”
“Sure, but can we hang out with Theo too? I think he won’t mind.” Addy said. She had a HUGE crush on Theo, which made things awkward when Addy, Zoey, or me brought him up. I also knew Theo didn’t like Addy, he likes Michelle. A 15 year old girl who is into him. So it’s also awkward for me, Zoey, and Theo when Addy is hanging out with Theo. And Theo didn’t like Addy at all.
“I don’t think he is home.” I said so it wouldn’t be awkward. We were about to walk to my room when the front door slammed open.
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142,048 Literary Works • 676,465 Reviews
Oh my gosh this is so good the ages the descriptions the names they all fit so perfectly. But my advice is maybe add some pets because it just makes sense. I am so exited for new chapters!
I totally forgot about pets! Thanks!
hello, am moon!
I really enjoyed reading this chapter! °w°
I really liked the fun and chaotic friendship between Cat, Addy, and Zoey. Their little jokes and conversations made them feel like actual best friends, and I especially liked the part about the nails and the “you owe me a dollar” joke . The huge family was honestly so fun to read about too! There are SO many characters, and giving each person their own little personality or thing they’re known for made the family feel really lively and unique.
I also liked the little secret about Zoey being Cat’s niece . That definitely made me curious about what’s going to happen later. And the ending with the door suddenly opening was a nice way to make me want to continue reading and find out who it is!~
One small suggestion would be to introduce some of the family members a little more slowly. There are so many names and ages introduced at once that it can be a bit hard to keep track of everyone. Maybe spreading those introductions across different chapters could make it easier for readers to remember them.
But overall, this was such a fun and energetic opening! You’ve clearly put a lot of imagination into this family and its characters. Keep writing, and I’m curious to see where the story goes next!
Hey Red! Let's review your beautiful work!
I really did enjoy the lively and chaotic atmosphere of this chapter, and the way Cat, Addy and Zoey interacted made them sound like a believable group of best friends thanks to their banter.
I liked the way they were immediately friendzoned since they get along so well, and little things like commenting on Addy's nail polish and making jokes about owing money really convey the nature of their relationships.
What stood out most in the excerpt was the huge size of Cat's family there are so many people in it that I nearly thought a family tree would be necessary! I liked that you all gave your characters some individual characteristics in order to add a bit of variety to the family relationships.
I believe that this statement fully shows how large your family is; it was also a nice touch to include the fact that Zoey is Cat's niece, since that information is not generally known. I'm certain it will prove useful in the later chapters.
I also thought the humour was quite good; it was funny that Theo had been homeschooled since he was unable to get into high school and that everybody knew he just didn't want to go because of his video games. The fact that Addy had a crush on Theo only serves to increase the awkwardness.
The chapter seems to function as an opening hook, and that's not something I'm objecting to.
Just as we were going to head towards my room, the front door burst open.
I enjoyed it concluding in that way, which made me think about what is going to happen next; since we've already seen some of the characters and their personalities, I'm certain that the following chapters will deal with more of the main cast.
The principal complaint I have concerning this chapter is simply its pacing. We are given numerous people, each with a variety of characteristics and ages, most of whom I found it easy to confuse. It would probably be a good idea, therefore, to introduce the characters more slowly in the following chapters.
Well, I did find this enjoyable! It had a great deal of personality, a large number of characters, and a clever ending. I'm wondering who was waiting behind that door.
Lovely work!<3
~hira♡
I totally get that. Thanks!