Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmm...this was a really interesting piece here...I definitely enjoyed reading it, it definitely was quite a funny story...and also open to lots of theorizing about how those names came to be...hmm... a couple issues that might exist though...all of that down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“So what’s your name?” I asked.

The boy groaned and looked to the ceiling, “please, just call me Anthony. That’s my last name.”

Hmm....well considering the title I realize must know what these names are soo...let's get right to this I suppose...very fitting start to a story like this...well...let's see how it pans out I suppose...the title definitely is the type to really draw you in.

“Come on,” I said frowning, “you have to tell me the whole thing. That is what this is all about after all.”

“Fine,” said the boy sliding back in his chair, he looked like he was going to be sick. “My names Watt.”

Okay...starting to see a little bit of a thin description, and while I feel like a total fake pointing this out cause I do this all the time....the chair and the ceiling is so far all we know and with these multiple characters not having a sense of where they are relative to their surroundings and most importantly where they are relative to each other is a little hard on the reader.

“Watt Anthony?” I shrugged, “it’s a little weird but there’s definitely worse.”

The boy shook his head. “It all went wrong on the last school assembly of the year. I won DUX and they were calling my name.”

Watt Anothy honestly sounds relatively alright...it could certainly be worse...but judging by the way the he talked about this experience it makes me think potentially his middle name could make things so much worse for him.

I stared at him, was he really going to give me his whole life story now?

“I’d never told anyone my middle-name, so I was surprised when they read it out.” said the boy. “They don’t normally do that do they?”

Hmm...yes I've never had anyone actually read out my middle name in anything...I doubt that either of my friends even knows that thing...xD...you generally don't ever use that middle name unless its a passport or something..xD

I shook my head.

The boy sighed and seemed to slide even further down his chair. “I just had to go to that school, the one which like to do things proper and read out the middle-name too.”

“Uh huh,” I said crossing my arms. I was beginning to regret starting this whole conversation.

I can relate to this other dude here pretty well there....this Anthony is dragging this conversation out quite a bit here..normally I would say that's too much dragging out but I suppose in this context that's kind of the point so Imma ignore that for now..xD

“The teacher seemed shocked reading it,” the boy continued, “Watt went alright, everyone was used to it by then, but then she paused, that was the worst bit, before saying, ‘Isit Anthony?’”

Oh dear....that would definitely cause not only tremendous confusion but also tremendous laughter...xD...well that is definitely a terribly unfortunate name to have...the poor guy.

I stared at him. “Watt Isit Anthony?”

He nodded.

“That’s got to be one of the stupidest names I’ve ever heard,” I said, laughing a little. “No offence.”

And well this guy is definitely not pulling any punches there letting him know how terrible the name is...well considering he was already annoyed by him dragging the conversation out, this makes sense for now I suppose.

Watt Isit Anthony shrugged, defeat dragging his shoulders downwards. “I think my parents were just making up words, you can’t end up with a dumb name like mine without it being planned.”

Well..the parents definitely were having fun coming up with that name, either that or they were very much drunk in some capacity...or it was some kind of dare...those are all my theories for how on Earth such a name ended up being put on a human being.

I grinned at him. It wasn’t even very funny, it was simply so strange that no other reaction existed except to laugh.

“So that’s me,” said Watt, “now it’s your turn.”

Well...I have a feeling the tables are now going to do a full 180..will see who's laughing at the end here.

My smile smashed to the ground.

“They call me Rainbow-Cottage Fairyfluff Robinson,” I gulped.

Watt Isit Anthony blinked slowly.

Holy Macaroni...did they let his two year old sister come up with the name or something...cause honestly that is literally the only reason I can think of for how that one came about...but once again a pretty funny name that, not as clever as the previous one, but in sheer hilarity it does the trick.

I shrugged, hesitant of what his reaction might be. “My folks had a thing for branding. They owned a lolly shop.”

“I,” Watt Isit Anthony exhaled. “see.”

Well...that...is an interesting reason to say the least...xD

We sat in silence for a while before Watt Isit Anthony suddenly leaned forward and gave my shoulder a pat.

“Don’t worry pal,” he said, his determined gaze unbroken from so many years of jests and snickerings. “We’ll get through this - you, me, and Ima Payne.”

xD...well one final punchline of sorts there to end this thing...well I'll say its a fitting end here...at any rate.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: So, overall, its pretty funny, besides that issue I said we might have with the fact that its hard to imagine exactly where this is taking place and its difficult to see how they interact if we don't know their position relative to each other...its a pretty neat story..if you just iron out a couple of those kinks it could be an awesome story.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey QuoolQuo!
Here's a review!

I stared at him. “Watt Isit Anthony?”

When I read this, I laughed. Such a funny concept for a short story. When Anthony's first name was revealed I was like "ok, unusual name, but I wouldn't say embarrassing." Then, his middle name was revealed and the whole thing sounds like everyone is just done with him lol.

“That’s got to be one of the stupidest names I’ve ever heard,” I said, laughing a little. “No offence.”

...And you're the one who's talking Rainbow-Cottage Fairyfluff Robinson. This quote builds suspense to reveal Robinson's full name which, I might add, is completely and utterly ridiculous. Nice job embarrassing you're own characters with just their names

“We’ll get through this - you, me, and Ima Payne.”

Oh, if only we got to meet Ima Payne in this story. Sounds like they'd have the best stories to tell. In this story does everyone have names like these? Maybe not if they're embarrassed about it. What if their parents also have ridiculous names and it's sort of a tradition to pass down names like this?

Anyways, great story and keep writing!

Hello! Lezuli here with a review for you.
First off, I quite liked this little story. It was fun, light-hearted, and funny. I found myself snickering quite few times throughout the tale.
And now to the details.

“My names Watt.”

Here, 'names' should have an apostrophe in it to make it name's since it's the compound form of 'name is'.

I stared at him, was he really going to give me his whole life story now?

This sentence was a bit out of place for me since previously the narrator was pressing Anthony about his name, so now he's surprised when he starts talking more about it? I kind of got a 'support group' theme to this piece so this just seemed odd but that might just be me.

“They don’t normally do that do they?”

And finally, I think this sentence would flow better with a comma between 'do that' and 'do they'. It'll just make it easier to read.
And that's all I have for you! I hope this helped in some way.

Hi QuoolQuo,

Mailice here with a short review!

The title caught my attention and I just had to read your story to find out what it was all about. It was a very interesting and funny story. I didn't expect to be sitting there with a smile at the end.

Here are some points that stood out to me while reading:

That is what this is all about after all.

I would paraphrase that a little bit. It sounds a bit like a tongue twister when I try to pronounce it. Maybe it's better to write it like this: "After all, that's what it's all about."

I stared at him, was he really going to give me his whole life story now?

The second half of the sentence is a train of thought that I would highlight in italic (or some other special written style) and place as a separate sentence.

"I," Watt Isit Anthony exhaled. "see."

That pause between the "I" and the "see" would be better if you made it with a "..." instead of the interruption by Watt. This way it reads with too long a pause and doesn't sound as good. ""I... see", Watt Isit Anthony exhaled."

So far your story seems more like a humorous play to present. You build up some good dialogue and manage to get some pace going, but at the moment everything is still a bit in limbo for the reader. Questions I ask myself are; where are Anthony and Robinson? Who are Anthony and Robinson? I thought at the beginning that Robinson was a psychologist. Those are two points where I think you need to expand on those a little bit more or you'll completely throw everything out and rewrite it into a play.

I like the humorous vein and how Anthony manages to keep himself from saying his full name for so long. You've done a good job with that. Makes me think I'm sometimes plagued with my middle name, but it's a lot more embarrassing than my name. Some parts could be developed a bit more, especially towards the end, it seems as if you wanted to finish it as quickly as possible. The end seems too abrupt.

I also see your short story more in the direction of a multi-part "series", where it always revolves around the bad names. Since the title sounds very promising and for me as the beginning of a few chapters in the form of a short story, I think you could expand on it and create new characters.

Your short story in general still feels a bit like it could be polished and extended. As a template, it's a great idea and I think you can develop it and present more. I think you can cover a wide "department" of genres by means of the title and the characters so far and I'm curious to see in which direction that would pull.

Have fun with the writing!

Mailice.