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125,009 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hello, Stormblessed here!
This is a very clever story! It's an interesting outlook on the origins of milk. (almond or otherwise.)
Your grammar and spelling are pretty good, so there's not much to correct there.
One thing I would suggest is about this sentence:
I know that you wrote it that way to portray the fact that he was shouting, but get more creative with it. Something like: "'Hey, Sis!' A loud voice broke into her thoughts, startling her."
It looks nicer than just writing it in all caps.
One other thing:
I would put a "the" where the "a" is now.
Other than those, this was great! Great job!
Hope this helped!
Stormblessed242
This is something so stunning and never in my life have I seen such writing. Your flow and sentence structure are amazing and you have made great impressions on the reader. I was knocked of my feet when I read this piece of work. You should be very proud of yourself. I think you have done a great job. You are great.
Wow... if I expected a review, it was not this.
So thank you, this was an unexpected surprise.
But as pleasing as compliments are to read, is there anything that could have improved upon? with the story or grammar?
Either way, thank you for such a nice review, it%u2019s really brightened up my day