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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello! I really enjoyed this story, even though it was a short story you were able to put a lot of information behind it without it being too lengthy or too boring. I often find myself wondering if I'm putting too much information in my stories or if in putting too little information.
Keep up the great work and keep writing!
Hello. This is my review.
Much better ending this time! It was far more final this time and the story was far more polished as a whole. I noticed that you changed “fool’s gold pledges” to “hollow pledges” and this was an excellent choice, especially with the word you chose to replace it with. Alex’s hair is still ‘languishing’ though, I think you can find words that are closer to what you want, maybe just take a little time to search up synonyms for what you’re looking to say, that usually works for me, just thought I’d note it in case you were ever doing any touching up. There was one little bit from the metal detector scene that you left out where you describe a bit of what Samantha was wearing, I thought that was good, so if you ever edit this again or decide to do a little touching up I would recommend adding that back in as it provides a bit more of a concrete description of the characters. On the topic of character: while all the characters are fleshed out acceptably, I’d like to see Alex’s personality be better shown, we have some idea of how he thinks, feels, and why he acts the way he does, but most of that is just a guess; it would be nice to have a little more insight. Finally in the ending paragraph there’s a semicolon where a colon might work (I say might because I’m kind of fuzzy on those rules myself), but I will wave this because it is done for dramatic effect, and that it worked for that purpose. I like your work and look forward to seeing more of it.
This was my review. Goodbye.
Hello, and thanks for the review!
I wanted to keep the bit about the necklace and would have gladly found some way to crowbar it in if it wasn%u2019t for the fact that I didn%u2019t want to make the story go for the too long. Since I still have it, perhaps I can squeeze it in somewhere else in a different story. Hopefully.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback, again
I really like the concept of this story. It's a great story, that really gets the reader, me, thinking. I like that it leads to a cliffhanger, although sad, it really leaves the reader thinking. Like where do they end up going?.
The dialogue is amazing. Dialogue is hard to put in a story without it overpowering the whole story. Great job!
_ From your friend,
@PlainandSimple _
Again, great job