...

Hi, Moonlight Forest here to review your piece!

First off, there are so many good things about your writing. I appreciated your characterization of Dilmaz: he actually gave me vibes of Hades from the Disney cartoon classic Hercules. The sardonic humor and redeemable undertones to his character made me appreciate your talent for creating empathy, which is undeniable. That being said, there are a few little nitpicks I have for you in terms of revision.

Take this sentence of yours, for example, in the third paragraph: "A man chiseled from stone beside her placed a hand like marble on her shoulder." This sentence carries a bit of a redundancy. We already know the man is chiseled because you mentioned it early in the sentence, and when he clasps his wife's shoulder, we already assume it would feel like marble or something similar. Also, "made out of marble" and the like to describe physical strength is a bit of an overdone cliche. Like I mentioned, small nitpicks.

Another issue I had was in terms of Hector's character. At this point in the reading, he strikes me as the stereotypical "sidekick" and acts more like a trope than a character. Also, this sentence:

“No efficient way to get rid of them. Innocent souls keep going Up There when, you know, and then it all becomes kind of redundant, don’t it.”

What is being referred to as redundant? Parents giving away their children? The dialogue gets a bit muddled and unclear.

Then comes the paragraphs towards the end of the piece. Who is Zissa, and why is she important in the story? How is her narrative woven into that of Dilmaz? I'm assuming these extra paragraphs are in their rough draft stages; still, you'll want to find a way to bridge the gap between these two characters if you decide to publish. All that being said, your writing is like a fresh breath of air and I'm happy to say it's motivated me in my own way to flesh out my characters even better. Look forward to more from you!

Hahahaha. The ending. It was the best!

I love the thought that he would grow attached to her as a child, that he loved and cared for her.

Question 1: What was the couple in the beginning's situation before? What drove them to such desperation in the first place?

Question 2: Why did they feel as though they had any claim to the child after they had made the deal?

Question 3: Why would they immediately try to kill the baby? At the risk of sounding cliche, why wouldn't they just use her as an agent of evil?

Question 4: How did he get Hector?

Okay, keep up the good work and goodbye!

Happy Valentine's Day!

The overall point of this story is really fabulous. I could never think of something of this sort and even if I did, I couldn't write in such away. Just thinking about some mother almost being forced to give away her baby boy for money and wealth is horrifying. How you wrote this piece though, makes the story even better. I'm just going to say that this needs more recognition, to be honest. I will be reading more of your work since I have to say you are a sublime writer!

Once again, fabulous job.

-From your friend,
PlainandSimple-

Hello. This is my review.

This was quite funny, my favorite part was the demon descending into an office chair, there was just something so delightfully absurd about that to me. This story also reads better than the last of your stories I read (Fly away), and I'm glad that this is your typical level. Not only is the prose less awkward (I only found one bad line: “...through eyelashes that created a small breeze”, from paragraph two), and the dialogue was quite good as well. The concept here was also quite interesting, while it would be criminal to advise someone to pigeonhole themselves, I would definitely note that you have a great sense of humor that translates very well to the page. I don’t really have anything say regarding grammar, you didn’t make any mistakes I could find. The ending makes this feel like an excerpt, do you plan on continuing this? I can’t really think of any myself, but I’m not you. Another problem with the ending (and one of the main things that contribute to its feeling like an excerpt) is the introduction of characters at the end, I feel this is unnecessary. Other than that I think the biggest problem with ending with a line of dialogue. It’s fine to start a story with it, because we expect a response, we expect something after the words, but that’s not here, it just ends. This is something that I think you should keep in mind —because as you might have noticed, this review is a lot of filler words strung together in a prentious manner trying to increasing word count so I get more points. I could have worse ways of exploiting the program.

So in conclusion: keep up the good work, edit a little more on the endings, and work a little on the descriptions, this was an entertaining read and I look forward to seeing more of your work.

This was my review. Goodbye.