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by QuoolQuo

Published February 1, 2020

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Comments & reviews · 4
gabriellalacivita commented Comment · Feb 8, 2020

I loved this so much! The whole idea of the story was really cool and I love the comedic twist on it! I had a feeling it would be something about Harry Potter when Noreen said her last name was Rowling. Overall I thought the idea was really well done and you wrote it really well!

gabriellalacivita commented Comment · Feb 8, 2020

I loved this so much! The whole idea of the story was really cool and I love the comedic twist on it! I had a feeling it would be something about Harry Potter when Noreen said her last name was Rowling. Overall I thought the idea was really well done and you wrote it really well!

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Valkyria
Review
Valkyria wrote a review Review · Feb 3, 2020

Hello, HGsomeone!

This is a cute, hilarious story with a twist. I had an idea what was going to happen at the end, and it was very enjoyable. Noreen changing her name to Rowling was amazing!

I love modern fantasy stories, and yours kicked it up. Three immortal witches living through centuries and helping famous authors write their works was an interesting concept, and you can go many ways with this. The hilarious part is those stories have witches in them. That's a clever and creative idea!

I didn't find many nitpicks, but some sentences were overwordy and I stumbled reading them. IamI found some good examples of this.

Overall, I enjoyed your story very much. Great job!

Athena

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IamI
Review
IamI wrote a review Review · Feb 1, 2020

Hello. This is my review.

Well that was hilarious. I kind of saw the ending coming but I didn’t think you’d do exactly what you did. This was an interesting concept the idea of having a bunch a witches go through time and helping make all these classic works is a very novel idea and you executed it very well. You clearly put a good bit of thought into how it would play out (especially with the names, that was a great little touch) and how it would end, it only gets funnier every time I reread it. I think your sense of humor is quite good by the way.

Now onto grammar and style and things.

There aren’t too many flat out ‘mistakes’ as there are ‘missteps’. For example in the 9th paragraph you have this line: "There were two very odd things about this puddle. The first was that it was a perfect circle and though the rain had been the cause of its creation, it was left untouched by falling droplets." The first part is fine, the second part, however, is very awkward and overly wordy (I am guilty of this as well at times, my current style is evidence enough for that), I would suggest changing it to something like "though the rain had created it, the puddle was untouched by raindrops." this was the best I could do on the fly without creating an entirely new sentence. I think another example is probably this description from the second paragraph "Iris Joylene stood on the pavement, leaning against a building which she gave with an educated guess was built in the late 17th century." again, the first part is fine, but things get overly wordy and awkward as the sentence continues, the fix here is a lot simpler, maybe something like "...Leaning against a building she guessed was built in the 17th century." not as informative or precise, but far more concise and it still carries the same meaning. So by now I think I've gotten my general point across, basically what I'm trying to say is: keep your sentences short (this is also beneficial for your tone, sense jokes tend to loose their punch if they aren't punchy or concisely worded), and maybe get some trusted friends to proofread (I have two wonderful proofreaders, Abigail and Stephanie).

I have two final points, these don't really have anything to do with the story: 1; publishing companies are usually led by an 'publisher', yes that is the name of the person, but usually I think you'd get this kind of letter from the 'editor-in-chief', sot of like the second in command. the second is that the 17th century is actually the 1600s, I'm not sure if you count these sorts of things differently in the rest of the world (Just so you know (because I like to brag sometimes) I figured out that you were not American because you're spelling of gray was not the American spelling, I'm American, so I spell gray with an -a, the British (and I assume the rest of the world) spell it with an -e), but here in America the years within the century are actually one less than the number indicated by the century. I worded this very confusingly, so let me simplify it: the 17th century is actually the 1600s and the year 1700. Just some rather useless information.

Anyway, this was a very enjoyable read, I like you're sense of humor and this was an interesting idea, I might go back and read your other works if I have time. I look forward to seeing more from you.

This was my review. Goodbye.

Hey, Hey and thanks for the review!

I think the rest of the world does use things like 17th century = 1600%u2019s and so on, but just to check that I hadn%u2019t gotten any dates mixed up with the type of buildings that I put in this I went googled and I think I used the right century. I might just make a quick change and make it 18th century if that helps.
If you want to know what types of house I%u2019m talking about I discovered during my research that they are known as terraced houses.

Anyway, have a nice day and thanks again for the review:D

IamI replied · Feb 2, 2020

You%u2019re welcome! I%u2019ll look up those houses when I%u2019m feeling curious.



Go in fear of abstractions.
— Ezra Pound