The Echoes
Derek walked slowly through the corridor, his brown shoes carefully stepping on the white tiles as his head turned to look at the green walls on either side. In front of him he saw that the corridor split into two separate directions. The first decision he would have to make. The wall in front, which had previously been at least two meters away, was suddenly right in front of his eyes. He placed his hand on the green wall and felt a burning pain, yet he kept his hand there. Derek did not know why, but he knew this was the right thing to do, as if to justify this thought an archway opened in front of him. He walked through.
Derek walked slowly down the corridor, his black loafers pressing down on the brown tiles as he looked to his left and right at the pristine white walls that enclosed him. In front of him the corridor ended, left or right, the first decision he would have to make. Suddenly the wall, which had seemed further away was right in front of him. Derek did not seem surprised; he moved his hand up and placed it upon the pristine white wall. It burned but Derek did not move his hand away. He knew this was right, an archway opened up in front of him, fire burning at its side. First time that has happened though Derek before walking through.
Fire. Archway. First time? When where the others? The thoughts banded around his head as he struggled to breath. Smoke, he smelled smoke. He couldn’t see any. Green grass and a girl writing in a diary. A man bent over a desk holding his head in his hands. Someone typing on a computer. Derek looked down, fire covered his hands, and he smiled as he saw a familiar corridor, though he didn’t know from where.
Derek ran down the corridor, his white trainers causing echoes as he sprinted to the wall. Suddenly it was right in front of him. Before he could stop himself Derek’s hand was placed on the wall, but he removed it even though it caused him pain to do so.
Suddenly his hand felt incredibly cold, Derek screamed grabbing it with his other hand and looked around hoping for help, in the entrance to the left hand corridor lay a knife, Derek crawled over to the knife, the pain having brought him to his knees. He grabbed the knife and attempted to cut off his hand, the knife eased through the flesh, though it caused him great pain. The anguished screams started again as he had to saw through his own bone. He saw a raven fly over his head and a man in front of him. The man shouted something but Derek heard nothing. Eventually his hand dropped from his arm, the blood was now pouring copiously from his arm.
The echoes of the man finally reached Derek. “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off”. What sin thought Derek, could have caused that. However his musings where cut short, the blood from his arm had continued to bleed as he had been thinking, it know filled the corridor. Derek, dived below the water and began to swim, in the blood, after his hand, which was floating away.
Suddenly he couldn’t breathe, he began to swim to the top, but the blood never seemed to end. He swam and swam and swam without ever reaching anything else. His hand now lost.
He felt a weight pulling him down, a hand on his shoulder and a voice whispering something about a book.
“If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.”
Derek sat and listened the priest in the church, his eyes felt heavy. He closed them and as he opened them again millions upon millions of people surrounded him. Some on computers, children, typing furiously. Further away he could see people writing on parchment, and beyond that he saw a fire. It was coming closer. Derek ran.
Derek fell hard on his face; his blood trickled and then poured upon the blue carpet that covered the floor. Derek quickly got up, and ran forward ignoring the blood that was now flying back into his face. It stung his eyes and flew into his mouth, he saw in the mirror that hung on the wall directly in front of him that his face was completely red. As he turned right the mirror shattered, shards flying out. They hung in the air, though Derek didn’t notice, and then, seemingly making a decision, followed quickly after Derek. Right had always been the right corridor, why had he not realized it before and what did he mean before. Derek shook his head and carried on running. The ground beneath hi feet fell away as they moved ceaselessly forward. No way back, bits of the floor had joined the glass in following Derek.
A Door. Opening.
A Man.
Derek stopped as the man walked forward. The floor still fell away and so did Derek.
Derek caught the outstretched hand, and was lifted up by the man, dressed in a red suit with a broad smile.
Sitting in an office, a cup of tea surrounded but screens, of that room, the children, the men and woman all writing.
The man explained, imagination was the key to humanity and to its maker. The creature that lived in the room next door, lived on its creations imagination, calling it the breathe of life. While others worked, dreamt and thought on the earth, others worked in the factory thousands merely imagining to keep the world turning. Derek had merely escaped. The man smiled up at me, “Do you want to meet him? Your creator.”
Derek shook his head, the man smiled Derek knew he had asked him before.
“Do you want to go back to the engine room?”
Derek shook his head, the man smiled Derek knew he had asked him before.
The man, placed his hand on my shoulder, I fell through smoke, blood and the rest of existence.
Derek walked slowly down the corridor. Suddenly he smiled, in the thousands of years the man’s explanation had got better. The first time Derek had asked many more questions. Derek saw the wall in front of him, turned round and ran back from where he had come.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well I think I read another version of this somewhere although I don't remember a hundred percent. This definitely did have some really cool visuals but the transitions like I probably said that time too were very weak and really tough to try and picture which makes it hard to enjoy the story.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Interesting start that you've got right there. We're definitely get a very interesting picture and it does a decent job getting our attention.
Ohhh....well that sounds like a bit of a time loopy kind of situation there orr....something happened other than that to somehow make both paragraphs pretty much exactly the same. Its definitely very surprising to see that...and I can't be certain if its the good kind of surprise or the bad kind of surprise.
Okay well that's an interesting series of images that you've got right there.
Okay we have reached a weird twist there...the transitions are starting to get very confusing now, we don't really have a great sense of the world surrounding him so these actions and random images are becoming really hard to keep track of.
Okay now that sounds straight out of some kind of nightmare...and I suspect maybe its that because this does not seem to be transitioning like a story should but more like a dream would.
Alright so...is this some form of narrator dude or what? I can't make sense of who's saying what here?
Well now that feels like something of a shot through time or something...sounds cool...but its really hard to try and imagine what is happening here.
Aaaand now the insanity level has increased I see...
Very suspicious color usage right there.
Okay wait a minute what...I mean it kind of makes sense considering the crazy visuals we just saw but that's just such a super abstract concept and if its not a little bit more grounded its really hard as a reader to figure out what's going on here.
Good twist?? Maybe?? its a little too confusing to be able to tell clearly.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall it seems like a really cool concept albeit just a little hard to imagine what exactly is happening. Those visuals are bit too much if you get what I mean. But other than that it seems pretty cool. And that's all I've got to say.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry