Hiya, Querencia. Pan dropping in again.
"Here to see Emily Hart," he told the man at the front desk.
"Oh, right. She's on the second floor, in room nineteen," the man replied with a polite smile.
Would it be that simple? Admittedly, I don't know anything about how American hospitals are run, but I wouldn't expect the receptionist to know where a patient was just based on their name. I'd expect them to ask something like 'what ward is she on?' first, and once they knew she was being treated for burns they'd be able to direct Finnley to the right place.
“I should be released in a few days, and I feel much better now.”
"That's fantastic!" Finnley said, genuinely smiling.
"Wouldn't it be nice," Mia broke in, shooting Finnley a sly, slantwise look, "if we all ate dinner together?"
The change in topic feels a bit abrupt here. I don't get why Mia looks so sly about it, either.
"Great!" Mia spoke too quickly, but no one else seemed to notice. Uncle Fred looked like he twitched in surprise, but Finnley couldn't be sure. One thing he was sure of though, Mia was scheming again. "How about pizza?"
Ah, right, so she's scheming. It does seem like a pretty daft way to go about it, though. If she needed to talk to Finnley, why couldn't she just say she was going to buy a coffee or a snack or something and get him to come with her? Going through the palaver of making them order pizza just seems a bit strange. Which I suppose Mia is.
"I don't just want to document them, though. I want to find them and track them, hunt them down to make sure they can't hurt anyone."
"Mia, did you just hear me? Did you hear the words I just spoke to you two seconds ago?" Finnley hissed, feeling slightly panicked. "You attacked a monster with a baseball bat! You totally can't do this."
"I thought the baseball bat was pretty effective," Mia sniffed. "Besides. I know I can't do this, at least not on my own. That's why I'm bringing you!"
Hmm, how do I feel about this? It seems a bit out of the blue. To be honest, I could totally buy that Mia would do something reckless in regards to monster-hunting if you took a different angle on it. If, say, she was so cut up and anxious about what had happened to her mum that she got fixated on monster-killing as a means to have control again. However, you've not really explored Mia's mental well-being in the aftermath of the attack, so her idea here just comes off as incredibly stupid rather than desperate. Which means it doesn't quite work for me. She's reckless and a bit naive, but she isn't an idiot.
There's also the fact that monster hunting is supposed to be what the Harts do, right? Fred wasn't just documenting creatures; he was trapping and killing them where he could. So it's a bit strange that Mia's acting like wanting to hunt them is suddenly a new idea of hers. Why doesn't she just ask Fred to teach her about traps and things? That seems a much more sensible idea than roping Finnley into it.
So overall, still an enjoyable chapter, but quite a confusing one. I don't think it's unbelievable in itself that Mia would want to get into monster-hunting, but I think you need to work more on giving her a concrete, discernible cause for her recklessness. I'll have to see how the rest of the chapter pans out.
Keep writing!
~Pan
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