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Young Writers Society



HWYD Chapter 3.2

by Que


“I adored your poem third period!” Mia burst out of a sudden, and Finnley flinched back hard enough to hit his head on the tree he was reclining against. She had said it so loudly and so rapidly that it came out something more like, “Idoredyourpoemthirdperiod!”

“Thanks,” Finnley said, sliding a touch of sarcasm into his tone. It wasn’t the kind of poem others were supposed to ‘adore’. It was deeply personal, and he had only shared it with the class out of necessity.

“No, no, it was actually the best thing I’ve ever heard,” Mia insisted. It was as if she had taken his sarcasm to mean that he didn’t think his own poem was quality. “I mean, seriously. I just took that class to get my last English credit, you know? I always thought poetry was dull stuff but they say Mr. Forbes is a pretty easy grader so I took the class. It’s been pretty much the same old stuff, rhyme and metrics or something like that. But yours was totally different. There was rhyme, but the way you used it was so… so…”

Finnley looked at Mia from out of the corner of his eyes. She was looking at him, wide-eyed and grinning, all enthusiasm and earnestness. No trace of mockery. It was the weirdest thing he had seen yet at this school. “So you came out here just to tell me that?” he asked, aware that he was glossing over her compliments and pretty much everything else she had to say.

The girl looked absolutely miffed. “Well duh,” she said, as if it should be perfectly obvious. “And I wanted to offer my friendship.”

Finnley immediately shook his head, setting down his distasteful lunch. “No. Thank you, but I’m fine. I’m just trying to get through the year.” He winced almost as soon as he said it because Mia’s face became so crestfallen. He hadn’t met many people before who wore their heart on their sleeve quite like that. Still, he stuck to what he had said. He didn’t want any trouble this year, and he didn’t need any friends either. Especially not crazy talkative ones who didn’t appreciate personal space.

“Come on,” she insisted, and Finnley had to sigh at her persistence. “We’re all just trying to get through senior year. Doesn’t mean you can’t have a little help.”

“Fine, you can be my friend,” Finnley said with a wave of his hand, as if declarations of friendship were magic tricks to be performed. If that was the case, he was doing a lousy job of it. “Now will you let me eat my lunch in peace?”

And she really did. She sat a few feet away from him, sprawled in the grass on her stomach, feet kicking through the air, but she didn’t try to question him or talk his ear off anymore. All the same, he gave a little smile of relief when the bell sounded to bring an end to this eternal period.

It seemed Mia was unavoidable, though. Two periods later, they had gym. It wasn’t Finnley’s first choice—far from that—but apparently this school district required some crazy number of PE credits when his last had only required one. Apparently, it was a “compromise” to have Finnley take two semesters of gym his senior year and receive all six credits, so he was stuck here the whole year round.

He hadn’t seen Mia in that class before, but then again, had he really seen anyone in any of his classes? She gave him a little wave as the teacher explained that they would be playing softball and Finnley avoided eye contact. They were quickly set up in teams, and Finnley was pleased to be placed far from Mia. He utterly embarrassed himself by not only failing to hit the ball every time, but failing to catch it at any time or even adequately throw it. Luckily he essentially had a team of ‘no-hitters’, so his failure was only one of many. Despite his efforts not to look for her, out of the corner of his eye Finnley could see Mia hitting the ball out of the field. Evidently, she didn’t have any qualms with sports.

When he didn’t see Mia in the final passing period, he was relieved that she hadn’t noticed him during the period before and followed him out. Strange occurrences and obnoxious people done for the day, Finnley looked forward to going home and recharging in the solitude of his room. He put his poetry folder back in his locker and was closing the door when he saw Mia stopping at her own locker across the hall from him.

She didn’t see him. Not yet, at any rate.

Holding his breath, Finnley eased green-painted locker door closed. And… it didn’t close. He pushed a little harder, pressing his shoulder up against it for leverage. Still nothing. Finnley nervously swallowed and jerked his head around—Mia still wasn’t looking his way, instead taking a large bag of baseball bats from her locker. Finnley pulled in a quick, deep breath and gave his locker a firm kick. It finally slammed into place and he clicked the lock shut as he shouldered his backpack, making tracks for the door.

Behind him, another slam indicated another closed locker. It could’ve been any old locker but—“Finnley Bale!”

Finnley cringed and ducked his head, determined to get out of this prison of a school. “Finnley, I know you can hear me, now turn around!” Mia’s voice was exasperated and her footsteps were right behind him. With a slow sigh, Finnley turned on his heel to face her—the green pine forest was glowing in the sunlight right outside the window, but he couldn’t get there.

“What is it with you?” he asked, though he was too tired to say the words with much bite. “What makes you so insistent to be my friend?”

“What makes you so insistent not to be mine?” Mia countered, and though her eyes gleamed with a hidden grin, she seemed genuinely curious.

Finnley shrugged. “I’m not a people person. You seem to be entirely too much of a people person. Is that good enough for you?”

Mia just threw her head back and laughed, loud and joyful and, in Finnley’s mind, a bit crazy. But not unlikable, he supposed. “Doesn’t that mean,” she said, still grinning, “that we’d probably make great friends?”

Finnley opened his mouth to object, then closed it again. She had made a kind of point. And, by the smug look on her face, she knew she’d made it too. “Alright, look. I’ll make a deal with you,” Mia told him.

“What kind of a deal?”

“You agree to be my friend and I’ll teach you how not to stink at softball.”

Finnley snorted. “What makes you think that I actually want to know how to play softball properly?” he asked.

Mia raised an eyebrow at him and hefted her bag of softball gear in response. “What makes you think I care? Come on now. I know you don’t want to suffer through this gym class the entire year. Make things easier on yourself.” Before Finnley could respond, Mia’s eyes slid to the clock on the wall and widened extraordinarily.

“Got to go,” she exclaimed. Pulling a scrap of paper out of her pocket while simultaneously yanking a pen cap off with her teeth, she jotted something down and thrust it at Finnley. Once the pen cap was safely out of her mouth, she said, “Take this. It’s my number. Call me tonight and we’ll set up a time to meet tomorrow.”

As Mia rushed off down the hall, bag of bats and balls banging behind her, Finnley couldn’t help but yell, “I never agreed to meet you for softball practice!”

“I know!” she hollered back, and he could’ve sworn he heard her laughing again.

The hall was strangely quiet without her raucousness, and Finnley found himself shaking his head as he turned towards the door. Crazy girl, he thought to himself, but he found the idea tinged with fondness. Carefully, he pocketed the slip of paper with her number on it. Maybe he wouldn’t intentionally lose it on the way home after all. 


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Fri Jul 05, 2019 8:33 pm
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Panikos wrote a review...



Hiya again, Q!

I've not got too much to say about this chapter. Mia continues to be sweet and adorable, Finnley continues to be distant, and you play their personalities off each other really well. I just wish there was a bit more meat to the dynamic. Because Finnley is so withdrawn and uninterested in the friendship, Mia has to be the active and pushy one in order to allow the connection to take root. Which isn't unrealistic, but it's also not...hugely intriguing, as far as the long-term plot goes, because Finnley's still being passive. Her teaching him softball is also just a way to bring them together and make them bond - it doesn't seem like something that will have a bearing on the story in its own right.

If Finnley actually did want something from Mia, things might get more interesting. If he hated the idea of company and friendship, but needed something else from Mia, he could then have a motivation to get to know her - and to sacrifice his other wants to achieve that goal. Is it possible Mia could know stuff about ghosts? Maybe she could see Finnley researching them, or something, and he could have reason to believe that she could tell him more about it. It's just an example, but it would give him a reason to befriend her, rather than just sitting back and letting her do all the heavy lifting.

So yeah, my critiques are getting a bit one note - I like your characters, I love Mia, I like Finnley. I think they're all well drawn. But Finnley isn't doing enough, as a protagonist. He's not been placed into a situation where he's under pressure to make decisions and tricky choices. So far, the plot happens to him rather than being shaped by his actions. I think that'll become less of an issue the further into the story we go, but I still think that it would only take a few small changes to make him more active.

Keep writing! :D
~Pan




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Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:15 pm
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Shady wrote a review...



Heya Querencia,

Shady back with another review for you! Let's jump right in...

Finnley looked at Mia from out of the corner of his eyes. She was looking at him, wide-eyed and grinning, all enthusiasm and earnestness. No trace of mockery. It was the weirdest thing he had seen yet at this school.


Aww, I am really shipping this friendship between Finnley and Mia. She is absolutely adorable and seems to be exactly the sort of bubbly friend he needs to pull him out of his funk, and I hope he doesn't end up hurting her feelings even tho that seems inevitable at this point *cri*

~ ~ ~

Oh my gosh, yes. That's all I have to say for this chapter -- yes. xD

I am lacking any real critiques to give you on this chapter. I really like the stark differences in personalities you've got going here. Like, I tend to relate to Finnley -- I'm also more of a silent, private type of person, so I hardcore relate to his broodiness and desire for privacy.

But on the flip side of things, Mia is absolutely adorable, and I love how bubbly and excited she is, and I just love how the little extrovert is adopting Finnley and trying so hard to work her way into his favor. And I love how this ended, so subtly, and yet so much in his personality too just sort of grudgingly accepting her friendship. It's adorable and I'm all about it.

Please do let me know when you post more (and please post more!) I really want to read on and learn about what this story is gonna end up being about!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)




Que says...


Thank you again! I'm gone for most of July, so I guess my posting will be sporadic as ever, but I'll try to write a little summary so you don't have to keep skimming the previous chapters. :) And I'm super glad that you ship the friendship. <3




“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables